


i'm not your dirty little secret

by luthorstark



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, F/F, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 68,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25932370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luthorstark/pseuds/luthorstark
Summary: Chaos was a consequence to betrayal and secrets, but they were young and naïve, and Kara indulged into an inane summer love with the heiress of the family that tore her own apart.Years later, work brought them back together and under the petty bickering and miscommunication, the residual attraction pulled them close like gravity. This time, Lena would work her earnest to ignore the tight suits and the spring of old feelings.Lena sighed, peeping at Kara sideways, enthralled as she watched expert hands fix the knot of the patterned tie, the dark cloth straining around her biceps.“We’re close. So, if you don’t want witnesses, try to level down the-“ Kara made a stabbing motion-“murderous staring, love.”
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 99
Kudos: 373





	1. It's funny how things work out, such a bitter irony

**Author's Note:**

> this idea has been running laps in my mind for months now, so I decided to give it a try and post my first multichapter fic! expect heavy angst, Lena to be extremely hostile towards Kara, Kara being a sweet traumatised angel and flirty mess and, of course, a happy ending

National City's panorama shared many similarities with the bits of the place Lena remembered from a lifetime ago, back when she was still prisoner of Metropolis‘ supercilious indifference.

Imposing skycrapers became a monochromatic blur as the sleek Rolls Royce made its way downtown, long rows of cars foreshadowing the imminent daily traffic. Parades of pedestrians filled the streets—whether it be young interns rushing to get to the office in time or lethargic grownups dropping their kids at school, assistants getting morning brews for their bosses or the unending, diverse flow of tourists wandering around the narrow streets, hiding under the intimacy the shadows of some outdoor café tables provided as they tried to discover what the city had to offer in less than a week time span.

The area surrounding Cordova Street was densely populated at any time, the incomprehensible but constant cacophony too overwhelming. Still, National City with the tall buildings and loud crowds was home now. The chance at catharsis she didn’t get before, an opportunity of doing over, of purifying her name from despicable crimes that weren’t even her own to fix. 

Leaving behind the unconcerned coldness of Metropolis, where the spectrum of empathy was so fragile for its inhabitants Lena always felt like walking over eggshells, didn’t weigh as much as it used to. She had learnt to appreciate the blazing heat National City offered most days of the year, the soothing sun shining down on her pale complexion, the sound of waves crashing on the shore and the smell of wet sand and sea life the late nights she drove around the bay—had embraced the hope of starting again on the right path, making a name for herself outside her family.

Two years ago, when Lena moved LuthorCorp’s headquarters across the country after her brother retired from his position as CEO under the false pretence of pursuing new philanthropist projects, she rebranded her family’s company and for the first time in years, believed in the legacy bestowed upon her under hazy circumstances. Having the power to finally turn into a force of good what her brother had tarnished, made everything she had to endure worth it. L-Corp was a greenhouse starting to bloom, Lena the frustrated gardener after acid soils spoiled her efforts too many times, arms deep in mud but unwilling to give up. The occasional statement of mistrust, expecting the Luthor heiress to go off the rails as they waited for the insanity trait entwined in her DNA to be switched on as if she were the most awaited spectacle at a circus, took its toll on Lena for a long time—being new to a city, away from the few people she actually considered family and no one to go to when she felt the walls caving in.

Through the years, the distrustful decadence became a quiet buzz in the back of her mind.

But, if there was something Lena secretly was proud about her last name, was the fact that they were overachievers. She always stood out for her eager want to keep learning and growing, one of the few qualities that salvaged her relationship with her mother, icy blue eyes flickering with a spark of pride instead of her distinguished hatred at the multiple occasions she easily outsmarted Lex with her intellect, instead of his cunning, manipulative ways. 

Naturally, a few months ago when she found out Cat Grant had released the reins of her empire, the most important media conglomerate in the West, she was swift and efficient in the buyout of the company. The perspicacity of someone born to business made the acquisition of CatCo Worlwide Media, from the hands of one of her greatest role models, a reality. By the start of the new year she owned not one, but two of the biggest institutions in America. Lena was thriving, and barely twenty six years old.

Gazing trough the tinted glass windows, Lena counted the couple of designer boutiques and restaurants it would take to reach the highway, biting her lip and checking the GPS on the screen in front of her when Frank took a right turn, instead of their usual left. It was her first day at CatCo, the nervous energy making her empty stomach churn, a restless hum draping her from head to toe like a mantle. 

The thick, dense clouds that forbid the sun rays from rising earlier in the morning started to clear up right before the car halted to a stop. Lena grabbed her purse and waited for Frank to open the door for her. Humming at the smell emanating from the vines growing a path towards the crystal doors, she thanked her driver, choosing to ignore the flutter on her chest and focus on the décor instead. Her hands were clammy and she tightened her grip around the leather straps of her Dior, hoping her shades would hide the sudden insecurity she knew her pale eyes would reflect. 

Summoning confidence from the staccato of her red bottoms, Lena surveyed the floor, savouring the heavy contrast between CatCo’s and L-Corp’s office with a sharp click of her tongue. While the latter was characterized by its barren and sterile atmosphere, shades of white and grey adorning every corner of the place, CatCo was an elegant blend of minimalism and a classic creamy palette that reminded Lena of the tea room where Lex used to have his meetings with the royal family of Kaznia, back when he took her to the foreign land.

A small group of people behind the reception counter gaped at her, giving a court nod Lena made a beeline to the lift as she unlocked her phone, sent a few updates to Sam and answered some texts from her friends’ group chat, tapping her feet to the floor and stepping aside to let the passengers out once it arrived. She wasn’t used to sharing rides with big groups at once, L-Corp had a specific elevator for every six floors so the confined space wouldn’t be congested, and even if Lena had heard rumours that Cat used a private lift, she didn’t want to set an obnoxious image on her very first day. 

Lena was thankful when she noticed she only had one ride companion, even if they were being unnecessarily loud on their phone. She tried to ignore the stranger’s rant, albeit failing.

“I swear, Kara!” the young woman said, “he’s been giving me the weirdest looks since I almost took a baseball bat to my head for him at that pizza place.” 

“Yeah, I got it. I’m on my way. It’s like he sees me in a new li-“ she looked at her phone, jaw dropping. “Rude. She hung up.”

Lena gave her a curious glance, bewildered brown eyes already watching her. She removed her sunglasses and smiled, the awkward pull of her cheeks made her close her mouth and go for a tight lipped curl of her painted lips instead.

“Oh, Ms. Luthor! Hey! I’m Nia, Nia Nal.” Nia crashed her empty hand against hers. Lena couldn’t tell whose hand the cold sweat belonged to. “Mr. Olsen told us that you would be here some day this week. It’s nice to meet you, we’ve been waiting for you!”

“We?” 

“The entire office. I mean, having Lena Luthor be your boss? My roommate couldn’t believe me when I told her.”

Lena was grateful when the doors slid opened and Nia jumped back, almost dropping the coffee cup tray she was holding, so she didn’t notice Lena’s face contorted into an awkward, soft smile. She didn’t want to seem unapproachable, but it didn’t exactly mean Lena would break down and cry at the first wisps of niceness from one of her employees, who were rather in the obligation of being nice.

“There’s a staff meeting I’m pretty sure I’ll be late to. I suppose you’ll be there? Of course, you’re the boss,” Nia rambled, “anyway, there’s Jam- Mr. Olsen, he’s your guy. Welcome, Ms. Luthor. See you around- obviously.” She turned around in perfect time to dodge the menacing corner of a desk.

Before Lena could thank her for the warm welcome, Nia was fast pacing trough the bullpen, stopping to give one of the cups to a tall woman with a familiar shade of honey hair leaning against a wall, phone in her ear. The exact second Lena’s eyes met the depths of electric blue, she stiffened, heart ramming against her rib cage with fervent bitterness. Lena huffed when she caught a glimpse of her, a smirk on her face. The same face that took her sacred night’s rest from her for days.

As Lena was getting ready to bed, she meticulously wrote a healthy balance of pros and cons, like she always did before placing herself in situations that could spike her anxiety. The first and only con she scribbled on the damned sheet of paper was having to work alongside National City’s pupil.

“Long time, no see,” James said, stepping forward to hug her. Lena took a step back and offered her hand instead, overlooking his perplexed eyes. 

They’d both arranged a meeting with the staff, so James could hand over CatCo’s reins to Lena and she could get acquainted with the place, letting her subordinates know what would and wouldn’t change with her leadership. She sought for the transition to be as smooth as possible, avoid altercations that would affect the company’s well doing in any way.

James turned around, beckoning Lena with his head. They crossed the corridor side by side, Lena keeping a faster pace so James' long strides wouldn’t leave her behind. When they reached the meeting room, James opened the door to let her in first and Lena took a seat at the upper end of the glass table, eyeing the abstract strokes belonging to the hand that also covered the gloomy corridors of the Luthor manor.

She waited for the clock to stop at ten o'clock, taking pleasure in the breathtaking landscape the blue sky highlighted.

“Astounding, isn’t it?” 

Lena nodded, twisting the leather chair side to side. “It is.”

Twenty minutes later, the loud babble descended to an almost inaudible murmur. Starting with the repertoire she had prepared, Lena placed both hands on the table, palms facing downwards, and slowly pushed herself up until reaching her full height, looking down at everyone with a genuine smile. The slow pace of her eyes crinkling as her cheeks widened was sealed into her brain, the muscles on her delicate features already trained to exude superiority—a never ending childhood practicing gestures in front of her mirror until she could see her mother behind her announcing that _while you could do better, Lena, it isn’t half as bad as it used to be_. She knew she could convey confidence, a shelf for her unwavering charisma set high enough for people not to decide once and for all schizoid egomania was the sixth nucleobase running her genetics.

“I bought this company with the purpose of facing a new challenge. I’ve never had the chance to work with the media before, nor am I familiar with it. To be honest, I try to avoid media at every turn. But I couldn’t resist continuing the wondrous legacy of whom I consider an inspiration, Cat Grant. I seek to be an advocate for female empowerment, give voice to a minority that is slowly, but steadily, making important changes in the world of business and science, something I'm very fond of.” Lena pursed her lips, dragging a finger across the glossy surface. “Plus, I won’t deny the selfish satisfaction I get from not letting CatCo fall onto the _edge_ of destruction.”

A couple of patrons laughed. Her wide smile turned sardonic when she realised, perhaps, people there shared certain opinions about misogynistic individuals with her.

“It is an honour for me to work with you, to keep afloat the empire attributing so much for National City’s social and economic development. I hope that as much as for you, as for the rest of the hard workers, this new step does not represent trouble and we can progress, always keeping in mind what’s best for each party.”

Lena lifted the glass of champagne James' assistant had poured for her, inviting the others to join her in a toast that tasted like new beginnings and promised to bring intriguing things for her. 

James introduced her to the heads of each branch, Lena becoming familiar with the work they carried out, genuinely interested in the circuits that made the magazine one of the most important and successful in America. Her interest was piqued when she shook hands with James’ assistant, Eve Tessmacher, she had heard her discussing frantically about the study of nuclear physics, a research done by a former university colleague.

As the clock approached midday, the others mingling and having shallow conversations as they waited for their new boss to end the meeting so they could resume their duties, Lena swallowed the lump in her throat rise as she saw a lean figure walking towards them.

“Here she is,” James said, patting Kara’s shoulder. “Last but not least, Kara Danvers. Editor-in-chief, Pulitzer Prize winner and National City’s darling.”

Hadn’t she been raised by the Luthors, manners and etiquette her first daily meal since she was four, she would have groaned and rolled her emerald eyes. Barely disguised disdain rolled off her in waves.

Kara Danvers was the kind of human who had everyone eating out of her hand. Taking breaths away when she walked into a room with a smile that could light up a room coated in vantablack—it didn’t matter if the smile was quite... unique, it wouldn’t fool Lena again. Those dazzling eyes could charm their way into everyone’s affection, a pseudo-Trojan Horse presented as a gift meant to entertain with its polished exterior meanwhile she orchestrated dodgy schemes behind the scene to worm information from them, the nice girl act brimming with ulterior motives. 

Even though it was part of her job, it offended Lena more than her current eloquence could express. It had been a little less than a year since the gala where Kara was awarded her first Pulitzer, a congratulatory prize for the article that put Alexander Joseph Luthor back in a cell in a maximum security prison. She couldn’t help but resent the young reporter, despite the excellence and diplomacy of her work.

“It’s always a pleasure to see you, Ms. Luthor.” She pulled her hand out of her trouser’s pocket, blue orbs traveling the entire length of Lena’s body. “You look lovely, not that I'm surprised.”

Lena squeezed hard, letting go after giving a firm shake. “I wish I could say the same.” She clenched her jaw, even more annoyed when Kara laughed and heart leapt, the traitor.

Kara turned on her heels, walking back to Nia and blabbering about a contact not returning her calls. Lena indulged in a selfish glance, trying not to be irritated by the easy, contagious grin she wore. She was tall and as gorgeous as ever, the navy of her suit and tie an exquisite contrast to the golden shade of her skin.

James burst into her peripheral vision, an amused look on his face. “That was... interesting. You seem to like each other.” He lifted his brows. “I was thinking of having the meeting with the CFO and COO after lunch, if that works for you?”

“Of course. But make it before four o'clock, please. I have to head back to L-Corp.”

“Also-“ he rubbed his hands together-“I know I promised I’d be the one to show you around, but I have to leave for an appointment. Kara or Nia could do it for me?”

Lena shot him a incredulous look, narrowing her eyes and hollowing her cheeks. Wasn’t enough having to share a building with her? No, now she’d have to stay at Kara’s side for more than five minutes and actually talk to her, like real people do.

“Fudge. I kind of overslept this morning and didn’t finish my article. My boss is _pre-tty_ persistent about deadlines.” Nia rubbed her neck, a sheepish blush adorning her cheeks when Kara fixed her with an exasperated look.

Lena pressed her lips together, silently begging for Nia’s companion to be busy as well. It was in vain, luck was rarely on her side.

“I am, incredibly, unbusy and all yours for the rest of the morning, Ms. Luthor.” Kara uncrossed her ankles and stood from where she was perched on the edge of the table.

There were more than five people in the room and she was the only one available. Aren’t editors supposed to be busy like... at any time? Isn’t their schedule extremely hectic? Lena could explore the building by herself, she was an independent and capable woman, even after she got lost and asked three people to guide her to the restroom in the lobby. She would rather accept the shame of not finding the restrooms for a full week if that meant not sharing time alone with Kara. 

Lena regained her intricate sense of composure and walking to the door Kara kept open for her, headed straight for the metal prison.

“Top or bottom?” Kara asked, deft fingers caressing the buttons on the panel.

“I beg your pardon?” Lena froze, cheeks aflame as she reached for the silver pendant sat on the hollow of her collarbones.

“Where would you like to start? Top or bottom of the building?”

“Bottom. From the bottom,” Lena said. 

“I thought so.”

The unsettling void of her stomach as the lift kept drooping floors, mixed with the faint whiffs of cologne made the few minutes locked in the box an eternity. Lena sighed, peeping at Kara sideways, enthralled as she watched expert hands fix the knot of the patterned tie, the dark cloth straining around her biceps.

“We’re close. So, if you don’t want witnesses, try to level down the-“ she made a stabbing motion-“murderous stare, love.” 

Kara was kind to introduce every single person working in the lobby to Lena, patting backs and bumping fists before looking at her with a smile, lips curling into different sets of vowels and consonants each time Lena shook a trembling hand. The receptionists Lena had seen upon arrival greeted Kara with loud effervescence, the franticism shrinking as they fixed their eyes on her, eyes shimmering a mix of intimidation and impeachment under the yellow lights. 

The easy flow of conversation lured her into distraction and before she knew it, they had covered more than five of seventeen floors. Lena was almost reluctant to admit the clock had made its rounds faster than she thought it would. By the time they walked into the vacated coffee shop, Kara was bouncing on her heels and sprinting towards a vending machine.

“They brought mint oreos again!” she said, “want some? I don’t think they’re the nation’s go to, but I like them.”

Lena stood still after seeing Kara punch a few buttons and groan, proceeding to shake her head as she saw her push the machine sideways, tilting it until the soft thump of a falling bag reached her ears.

“This will be our dirty little secret,” Kara said, a mischievous grin on her face.

They walked inside the art museum honoring CatCo’s journey and each of its prints since its foundation fifteen years ago. Lena watched the copies confined in glass boxes, indulged in the soliloquy and the sweet voice, nodding every time she was asked something. She relished the way Kara spoke about her former boss and her job. 

“So.” She threw the bag into the nearest bin. “We’re nearing the end of this marvellous journey. But we’re off to an amazing farewell.”

Long arms slid a door open, a few people greeted them with a wave of their hands before Kara introduced them. In the middle of the room, an air hockey table stood high next to a pool table posing as support for the photography equipment, Lena made a vague assumption, belonged to the short-haired lady editing shots on a giant screen recklessly located next to a slushie machine and a coffee machine that had seen better days. 

The room was packed with state-of-the-art technology; apart from the hockey and pool table, video game consoles were plugged to the screen. Something close to a miniature amusement arcade, like the remodelled basement her father had surprised her and Lex with on a Christmas morning. A place she couldn’t even fathom Cat Grant would open willingly for her employees to waste time in, Lena thought she might have been extorted to do so.

Avoiding the puffs placed haphazardly on the floor and the tangled wires of the cameras, she halted when Kara did so abruptly, leaning back not to crash into her back. 

“Want a slushie? The machine is new, we got it for WPFD. You said no to the cookies, something has to be. Coffee, maybe?” She gestured at the machine. “Oh, you definitely have to meet them. Come here!”

Lena approached with the caution of a tiger stalking its prey. 

“This is Denver, the coffee boss and overall our favourite employee. It’s a little old and rusty, but no one else compares. Believe me, we tried and it was disaster.” Kara’s scrunched nose fixed paired with a goofy smile made Lena fight her instincts not to answer back with one. “You have to know how to touch it, treat it well and push its buttons, that’s how most things work.” 

Lena choked on air, glared at Kara.

“You sure you don’t want anything? I can make you a peanut butter and jam sandwich. They’re my area of expertise,” Kara said, “well, more like a jam sandwich, you still allergic to peanuts?” she asked, “well, I don’t know if you can outgrow an allergy. Better safe than sorry.” 

Her stomach dropped, she shook her head and then nodded. “No, I don’t want a sandwich, thank you. Yes, I am still allergic to peanuts.” 

With a shrug and a delicate motion of her hand, she ordered Lena to follow her. “That was the Three Dots Hub.”

“The what?”

“The Three Dots Hub. When I came up with the idea and pitched it to Cat, I had no idea what to call it, so... well, it hasn’t been baptised yet. If you come up with a name, hit me up.”

“Cat?”

Kara’s eyebrows furrowed. “Ms. Grant?”

“Yes, I know. This was your idea? And she just... agreed?

“ _Uh_ ,” Kara laughed, “I thought about this one morning after I woke up half drunk from a game night with my friends. A few of them work here too, so it would be good to share a similar kind of scenario with my coworkers, you know? It’s more of a place with healing connotations. I always come here when work is too much, too heavy. Cat said yes after a perfect slideshow, can you believe it?”

Lena could. She could imagine, without effort, anyone with whom Kara had had the slightest interaction doing the very impossible to fulfill any of her wishes, because she was enchanting in that shallow way. Kara could flutter her thick eyelashes at an assassin and they probably would apologise for trying to hurt her. But again, Lena wouldn’t allow herself to fall into the black hole, fooled by easy smiles, eyes bright as the sky on a July morning and fitted suits. Much less would she dive into memories of an alluring accent and the eloquent wording of ancient odes written in a forgotten language whispered into her ear, it would only make her weak.

Lena was a sensitive lesbian, but she wasn't stupid.

“You’re not used to being told no, are you?” 

“Excuse me?”

Lena didn’t think it was possible, maybe it was the rigid stretch of her spine, but suddenly Kara was taller than before, so much that, even in her heels, Lena had to tilt her head a little in order to level their eye contact. 

Her feigned innocence made the veins on Lena’s forehead throb. 

“You take advantage of the trust others give you for your own benefit. You befriend and use people, then stab them in the back when you deem them not worth of your selfish needs anymore. Always so self righteous, pretending you’re better than any of us. Well, I don’t buy your act. I don’t think you’re special at all,” Lena spat, “you’re just a snake waiting for the right moment to strike.”

Bewildered eyes looked at her nothing short of stunned.

Kara shook her head. “Lena, while I appreciate you’re the one who bought my workplace, I don’t take very kindly of you coming to offend me and accuse me of things I’m not when you never took the time to really get to know me. If this is about your brother, I was doing my job and the right thing to do.” Kara's hoarse voice still had an accent to certain syllables when she was cross. “I didn’t have ulterior motives, didn’t want anything after the article. I sought for justice and for the offender who- for him to be back where he belongs. I’m really sorry you were collateral damage, I never meant to hurt you and I let you know so with the email I sent before the article was published.” Breathing hard, Kara jabbed her finger in the air, close to Lena’s shoulder. “I hope you have a good day, welcome to CatCo.” She stepped back, tightening and releasing her fists as she rolled her shoulders, her face losing the alarming scarlet shade.

Kara, then, left her alone with her thoughts and the declive of her wrath. Lena didn’t expect her to answer back, much less dare mention the main and perhaps only motive of her contempt. She had been holding a grudge for a long time and couldn’t help but wax profanities about Kara when provoked. Lex was guilty, Lena knew more than anyone but seeing someone rejoice in his downfall affected her. He was her brother before he became an abusive, conniving human waste.

Kara Danvers was an enigma, a riddle woven like golden wire into the synapses of Lena's brain, unable to leave her mind after so many time. Lena was sure there was so much more of her under the surface, and she would find out about the raw, scary parts of Kara even if it killed her.


	2. Magic, madness, heaven, sin

The impending anxiety of a bad day crept up Kara’s back, holding her down with the force of metal chains the moment she blearily opened her eyes and realised the sunbeams coming from the slits of the snow white blinds, warming the spots of her body it could reach with its weak radiance, was what woke her up instead of the light she always left on on the hallway before going to sleep.

It was inevitable for Kara to fear she had overslept. She glanced to her right, disappointed to notice the alarm clock on her bedside table was off, probably having run out of batteries.

“Lucky today, aren’t we?” She groaned into her pillow. 

Joints popping, Kara stretched her arms over her head, throwing her long legs off the bed and hissing at the grazing of her bare feet against the wood flooring of her bedroom. With heavy limbs and the pull of eyelids, sleep still looming over, she turned the flat screen on and walked to where she had left her phone plugged last night. The glaring numbers on the screen warned she had woken up almost an hour later than she was used to and would have to skip her morning jog for the sake of making it on time for a meeting with the lead she had been chasing for weeks. 

Kara went to sleep late into the night, exchanging her beauty rest for reading the articles Nia sent her, clicking on related links and spiraling before she could catch any sense of authority over herself. It seemed people had an obsolete fascination for deeming her a love interest, roping Kara into unorthodox relationships out of vague assumptions.

It was a loop, no way out. A never ending, insufferable loop she couldn’t escape. Be seen shaking hands with a congressman at a ribbon-cutting ceremony she was coerced into attending, sit next to a strange woman with neon pink hair taking selfies at the front row of a fashion show, even grin at a valet boy young enough to be her little brother. If they were good looking, and met the perfunctory requirements of the American It couple, they would be first page on tabloids proclaiming a love story for the ages—or for the following days, until the amount of daily clicks was futile. 

This time was the governor’s son, they were seen together at a hotel lobby, the guy kindly having accepted her request for a quote. He was rather handsome and decent enough Kara wouldn’t scoff or be offended at the idea of dating him, but ever since she became a quasi-public figure, Kara was often placed into liaisons with people she had seen once in her life.

She had been in love twice—twice and a half times, but that half happened to be an experience she rather abhorred. Kara was a hopeless romantic, it felt wrong being portrayed as someone of promiscuous habits. She wasn’t a prude either, had had a healthy share of dates that always seemed to end with something amongst the lines of _you’re really nice but I’m married to work, it wouldn’t be fair_ and, when she was in the mood, a walk of shame Alex felt oddly proud of.

It had been a difficult path, making a name for herself as a junior reporter. Even harder to keep the fragile sense of respect amongst peers when Cat called her to announce Snapper Carr was retiring from his position as editor-in-chief and she was the safest and most logical choice. People doubted her credibility left and right, thought she was too soft and tamed to report the hard truths, what with Kara being a woman who made it to the list of best journalists in America at such young age. The kind of gossip reducing her to ordinary arm candy would only contribute to the _she doesn’t take her work seriously_ brute diatribe.

Stripping off and stepping into the shower, she started rubbing shampoo on her golden curls until they were hidden under soft foam. Kara squeezed her eyes shut and allowed the jets of cold water to wash the remaining soap off her skin, the crystalline liquid travelling from her scapula and chest to her stomach and down her narrow hips, enough force for Kara to moan blissfully when the knots in her back decompressed. 

She looked at herself in the mirror as she wrapped the fluffy bathrobe around her body, softly tapping the dark bags under her eyes while applying moisturiser. She was drying her hair when her phone started ringing in the countertop sink.

“Shut up, Alex. It is not funny,” Kara huffed when her sister’s laugh welcomed her.

“ _But it is. It’s like the... third?_ ” Alex asked, “ _fourth time this year?_ ”

Kara put the call on speaker, placing the device on the leather round chair in the corner of her room as she shuffled the items of clothing hanging on her wardrobe looking for her favourite blazer, dark grey trousers dangling from her forearm.

“It’s just the second time, but it’s only March. Next time I’ll be dating Massimo from that pizza place Nia loves,” she sighed, “I’m wearing black and grey, should I wear black heels or the nude ones?”

“ _Nude,_ “ Alex hummed, “ _I know it sucks. Querl is ready to shut those gossip sites down as soon as you give the aye, captain._ ” 

“It’s not necessary. Is their work, gotta ignore it,” Kara said, grabbing her phone and placing it between her shoulder and her ear while she did the straps of her watch. “Plus, you can’t have your coworkers doing the dirty job for you all the time.”

“ _Dirty job?_ ” Alex scoffed, faux offended at the accusation. “ _Just fishy, that’s what the F in FBI stands for. If I have to risk my job to use resources to protect my little sis, be it._ ” 

“Thank you very much.”

“ _Tho, could be good for your reputation if we just made it disappear. I don’t think Ms. Umbridge would appreciate her employee going rendezvous with a random bunch of people._ ”

“You’re an arse and I hate you for it. Don’t call her that.”

“ _Oh, c’mon!_ ” Alex snorted.

“I’ll admit it’s a tempting offer, but no.”

“ _You two still going trough a rough patch?_ ”

“It’s not just a rough patch, our whole relationship is chaos, mayhem, all hell breaks loose kind of thing. She hates me, I don’t like her very much right now and we avoid each other so we don’t end up breaking each other’s neck. All in a day’s work.” 

“ _Kara..._ ”

“It’ll be okay, I promise.”

Kara went off on a tangent, asking her sister if they could meet for dinner at her place before hanging up. She missed her sister in-law and nephew, hadn’t seen them during the last three weeks of getting used to Lena Luthor’s new work regimen. It wasn’t bad, per se. Emotionally exhausting to see perfect eyebrows quirked at her every time they crossed paths? No doubt, but Kara was trying to adapt and survive before it lead to issues and unfortunate triggers.

Picking her car keys and the suitcase from the dining table, Kara made sure everything was turned off and checked the locks twice before exiting her flat, texting Nia and letting her know she wasn’t heading to CatCo early that morning and probably wouldn’t until after lunch. 

Later that day, she made her way to the office, stuck on traffic after meeting with her source, tapping her fingers against the wheel to the fast tempo of Backstreet Boys’ most famous hit.

It had been useless, a morning wasted away with a former employee of Edge Global. Her energy was draining, the amount of time and effort she had put into her investigation was quickly becoming a burden, and results weren’t even close. Every time she was close enough to a breakthrough, a dead end would block her path like a concrete wall; someone fearing for their own life or already too deep into the chain of corruption she was looking to dismantle to be a truthful lead. 

But, Kara wasn't quitter. No matter the lack of sleep, the stress induced migraine she had developed or the dangerous territory she knew she was getting herself into, she was an intrepid journalist first and foremost, her integrity was too high to stop fighting tooth and nail for justice.

That’s how she put the criminal responsible of her parents’ death back in a cell.

The sun was shining, set high above crystal skies when she got back to CatCo, the uncomfortable rumbling of her stomach a reminder Kara hadn’t had breakfast, her watch warning it was already time for lunch. She was disgruntled, rubbing her temples every now and then to decrease the deafening hammer shattering her skull, slumping on her chair after hanging her jacket on the back of it.

Kara popped a pill into her mouth, about to dig into her warm meal when there was a knock on her office’s door. Lowering her cutlery, she pushed back her chair and clasped her hands on her lap. “Come on in, please.”

At the click of heels, the fresh scent of freesia and peony flowers impregnating her nostrils, Kara pressed her lips to suppress the groan rebelling to break free, shoulders sagging when she met the torturing shade of green of her boss’s eyes. She was expecting her assistant, a reporter with a deadline or even James, unlikely since he wasn’t around much time now that Lena was there too, but the startling intrusion was not welcomed, nor appreciated. Kara set her hands flat on the table. “How can I help you, Ms. Luthor?”

“It’s almost two in the afternoon and I’ve been trying to get to you all day. Where have you been?” Lena snapped, chin jutted as she crossed her arms around her chest. 

Kara’s pale eyebrows reached her hairline. She gaped, failing to conceal her words. “I-I spent all morning interviewing people and chasing leads, doing, you know... my job.” She was hungry and sassy, the tap dance performance going on in her temples had reached her jaw. If Lena prolonged her stay, Kara wouldn’t have a job by the end of the day.

“I do realise it is your job, Danvers. Next time, try and schedule your appointments so I don’t waste my precious time asking for your whereabouts.”

“Contrary to what it’s thought of us, we _snakes_ don’t wait to strike, we have to seek out our victims for weeks until they’re available, or feel safe enough to meet up. So, pardon me, Ms. Luthor, if it’s difficult to be on beck and call when there’s so much to do,” Kara spit out, realising that she was closer now to Lena than when she started pacing.

Lena’s eyes darkened, rage exuding from her barely visible pores. Kara didn’t mean to be rude, neither was she trying to be actively difficult with her boss. In fact, she had tried everything she had thought possible for their work relationship to be a pleasant experience, if not for old times then to keep an amicable acquaintance for their sakes. 

“Oh, but then again you’re on beck on call for your multiple... whatever they are at anytime?” Lena spluttered, swallowing when she processed what she had said. 

That was new.

Kara cocked her hip, biting the inside of her cheek and tilting her head. “So you’ve heard about it, are you stalking me now?”

Even if fire licked the green rings surrounding her darkened pupils, the faint scarlet tint spreading from Lena’s neck to her cheekbones was mesmerising.

“Ain’t it funny how rumours fly?” Kara placed a hand on the desk behind her, the other softly tapping her pursed lips. “I’ll let you know, I’m not the veritable Casanova they try to make me. Unlike others, I’m able to contradistinguish business and pleasure,” she confessed, clicking her tongue. “Not that my private life is any of your business.”

“Have the articles I asked you to proofread by my office before you leave today,” Lena growled, slamming the door on her way out.

Kara flinched, shoulders dropped and head bobbing as she puffed her cheeks. 

Lena was such a complex woman, a thousand jigsaw pieces puzzle missing the edges. From the day they met years ago, Kara knew the aloofness of her stance and the poise she carried her relationships with —alluring, still nothing to imply you were getting more than a shallow acquaintance— was part of a morbid role she had learnt to play from a young age. An obvious realisation, given her upbringings and the dystopian world she grew up in. That’s the reason Kara didn’t take her jabs and the dehumanising behaviour towards her too personal, aware Lena’s hatred came from a place of unconscious denial because she held Kara responsible for losing her brother to madness and sin.

At least that’s what the therapist said.

Nevertheless, she had spent three strenuous weeks being a counterpart to childish arguments, bickering back and forth with her boss. Her comradeship with Cat was harmonious and easy, things with Snapper were civilised a big fraction of the time they worked together, even. Then this woman with plump cherry lips came to steal her sanity with her vitriol.

After she got the chance to eat her lukewarm lunch, Kara spent her evening working on what she had for the editorial outline for the publication of next month’s issue. She almost forgot about the papers Eve had given her earlier in the week, but the glaring manila folder caught her attention then. Scribbling on its contents with a red pen until she was sure nothing was overlooked, Kara put the sheets of paper back in the envelope and summoned one of the newest interns, asking him to drop it to the boss’s office.

She was thankful when her phone’s screen lit up, the contact photo she had set for Kelly staring back at her. The clock on the wall let her know it was a quarter to seven and Kara would have to be leaving soon if she wanted to make it on time for dinner with her family. 

Kara always thought Kelly was an amazing cook, adored her from the moment she brought a batch of home-made dumplings for their first thanksgiving together a few years ago. Yes, she married her sister and brought her nephew into this world, but alas, food. 

“This was lovely. Right, old, boring, the worst cook ever, Alexandra?” Kara stretched her legs, patting her stomach with a satisfied groan as she looked at Kelly.

“Hey! I’m not boring, you donkey,” Alex said, shoved a spoon printed with teddy bears into her son’s pouty mouth.

“Yeah, sure.”

As if on cue, her nephew started rampaging against his food, flailing his chubby arms like a madman until the attack reached his sippy cup and it toppled from his high chair. Alex’s reflexes kicked in, she caught the purple plastic cup before it made a mess on the rug, leering with the self assurance of someone aware of their talents when she caught the look of sheer shock on her son’s face before he shrilled with joy and tried to do it again.

“I can do that with my eyes closed,” Kara interjected.

“I’ll bake something for your birthday next week, Kara. Quit the pouting,” Kelly said.

“Uh, _my birthday_ ," she repeated, a dark shadow casting over her eyes. "Thank you. You’re so understanding, Alex is extremely lucky to have you.”

Alex kept feeding her son, flipping Kara off when she made faces at Jeremiah, making him spit food on her face. Kelly admonished Alex, who in return glared at Kara, reaching for a wet wipe to clean herself. 

When they were finished, Kara carried their dishes to the sink. Profusely thanking Kelly for the nice meal as she grabbed glasses from the cupboards. She filled Kelly’s and hers with wine, while she poured two fingers of whiskey for Alex. 

Kara sat on the play mat, watching her nephew crawl for a giraffe plush and squeal when he threw it at her direction, throwing it back to him. The plush went back and forth through the air until Jeremiah grew bored and decided that his thumb was more worth of his attention than his aunt.

“It was good while it lasted.”

She climbed to her feet and sat on the loveseat parallel to the couch currently housing Alex and Kelly, who were whispering into each other’s ears.

“What’s going on over there? Your kid is already ignoring me,” she chided.

“I got a job offer,” Kelly answered, big smile adorning her features.

“Really? That’s amazing!” Kara stood up and walked to the couch, obnoxiously draping herself over her sister’s lap and throwing her arms around Kelly’s shoulders. “Where? When do you start?”

“Obsidian North, a technology company based in Buenos Aires, but they’re locating the virtual and augmented reality branches here in National City, hoping to open before the year ends. The CEO’s daughter happens to be an old friend of mine and she reached out a couple of weeks ago, asking if I might be interested for the psychology specialist position,” she explained, a hopeful glint in her eyes. “She’s coming in the next weeks to look for buildings in sale for the headquarters, so I’m crossing my fingers.”

It had been rough for her to find a job after she had Jeremiah. Not many places were interested in investing on _another_ therapist, her job applications were rejected time after time.

“I’m so happy for you.” Kara squeezed her hand.

“Andrea and Mr. Rojas have always been too nice with me.”

Kara blanched, connecting the dots. She leant back against the arm of the couch, apologising to Alex when she elbowed her ribs. “Andrea Rojas from Argentina?” 

“Yes! You know her?” 

“Hardly,” she stuttered, “I met her a few years ago. She and Lena, my boss... uh- I think they used to be a couple.”

Kara heard Alex’s soft exhale right before she deflated. “That Andrea?”

“Positive,” she replied. Kara gulped what was left of her glass and walked to the kitchen counter to refill it, Alex’s concerned stare burning holes in the back of her neck. “It’s okay, Alex.”

“What am I missing?” Kelly interjected, her wife placed a comforting hand on her knee.

“Are you sure? Because I remember when you volunteered for half a year in Geneva after college that you met this certain young lady with pretty green eyes named Lena, _Luthor_ no less. And I remember you were quite infatuated with her even after I said you should try to stay away from anyone with that last name,” Alex said, “then when you came back you were so sad, you spent almost a month moping in my living room.” 

“I didn’t.”

“I’m pretty sure you did.”

Eyes stinging, Kara rubbed away the dryness with the back of her hands. She put her arms on the granite table and bowed her head, shoulders hunched under the pressure of memories coming full force to her. “We were not that close, just first-name basis. Lena was there for a month before she left with Andrea. It’s not my fault I was an impressionable idiot, and bewitched by her nice smile in the stupid span of thirty days.” Her shoulders slumped. “It’s not her fault, either, that she liked someone else when I was infatuated with her. I didn’t stand a chance anyway, it was gonna go down in flames. She’s a Luthor and... she’s my boss now, and- and she hates me because I exposed her brother. So, there’s that.”

It’s not like Kara had fallen in love with Lena back then. They were acquainted, yes, and maybe she had spent those endlessly ephemeral four weeks chasing Lena wherever she would go, daydreaming about a life with her at her side. Perhaps, there were a few stolen kisses hiding and blushing at the Escaliers du Marché across Lake Geneva but they were young and reckless, and Kara ate pretty lies for dessert. 

They were perfect strangers, it would’ve been ludicrous to fall in love with Lena. _So she didn’t_. It was dangerous, getting close to a Luthor, at least after what they did to her family.

She moved on quickly; mourned a what-if she idealised and started working for Cat Grant. Now, she was a successful person, loved her job and was her boss’ proclaimed enemy. The American dream. 

Kara cracked her knuckles, collapsing against her sister’s solid side when Alex stopped next to her.

“It’s been three weeks since she came back into your life. From what you’ve told me, she isn’t really nice. I worry you are keeping things to yourself again for her sake.”

“I'm not keeping any-" she snapped, "sorry. I put Lex in jail, Alex.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong-“ she stopped Kara with her hand before she interrupted-“you wrote an amazing article and told everyone around the globe the truth about a dangerous criminal. It doesn’t mean your boss has the right to treat you like this. You were brave and I’m _so_ proud of you.” Alex kissed Kara’s temple.

Deep down, Kara was aware her sister was right. The self-proclaimed philanthropist was the orchestrator to his own downfall, he belonged to a system that would keep him condemned, away from the privileged lifestyle he was accustomed to for the rest of his miserable days. But, sometimes, no matter how irrational it was, Kara assumed she deserved Lena's fury.

“I know. I love you,” Kara said, staring into space. She remembered Kelly then, her stomach dropped. “I’m so sorry I made things about me, but I’m truly happy for you. I’m sure you’ll do amazing things.” She gave her an apologetic smile.

Later that night as Kara laid in bed, she wondered what could have been if she had fallen in love. _But she didn’t._


	3. No time's the right time to reach out (Swear I never meant it, and I hate that I hurt you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // blood
> 
> a bit past half chapter, Lena has a nosebleed for natural reasons

If there was something Lena had always loved, it would be the fourth month of the year.

She adored how the pleasant April weather felt on her pale skin, the fresh glow and the vivid spark of colour the new season brought with it.

Even if the memories blurred as she outgrew the sun hats and flowy dresses, the fondness bound to old adventures with her mother in the Irish mountains stayed, and pulsed whenever she was surrounded by blossoming green lands, hiking the same hills with a different set of companions. She loved walking under the moonlight, drunk on bitter Guinness without a care in the world, only trusting her shadow to get her trough.

In America things were different, even more in the hot state of California, but April and its balmy days of spring were a joy she happily welcomed each year.

Lena walked into the office at L-Corp with a grin rivaling the sun, bouncing on her heels when she made it to the penthouse, greeting Jess as her secretary took the cup of coffee she offered her. She took off her sunglasses and hung her blazer in the coatrack, humming as she twirled a silver keychain on her forefinger. The room was cold from the AC, a divine break from the heat pricking her back, its quiet rumble comforting as Lena grabbed a bottle of organic tea from the small refrigerator hidden in a void shelf.

Her deck was overstacked with binders and loose sheets of paper, post-it notes stuck to graphics as she analysed the final reports for the first quarter. So, it took her a couple of minutes to catch the flashing of her phone, smile widening when she finally unlocked the device and went to the message app, opening her expansive thread with Sam. It showcased a blurry picture of her and Jack, then long rows of expletives ordering Lena to _answer your bloody phone, Sam is boring me to death_

Lena waited for the rings to stop, hoping to hear her best friends’ distorted voices, but it took longer than expected. Third time’s a charm, the speaker cracked to life and the first thing Lena heard was Jack’s whimpering.

_“Stop flicking my ears! No- they’re sensitive! Get off me, you prat.”_

“Good afternoon to you too, young adults.” 

_“Hello, Lena. Could you please be a dear and tell Sam to stop harassing me?”_

“You did say she was boring.”

_“Traitor.”_

Lena listened to their discussion with an amused grin, letting out a relieved moan when she got rid of her shoes and rearranged herself on the leather cushion, right leg crossed under her knee. She pivoted the chair around on its wheels until she faced the crystal windows, pale fingers caressing the rim of the bottle.

_“How are you? We miss you lots,”_ Jack’s baritone cut trough the speakers, _“we are still planning to go to NC in the summer, so you better get your summer body ready babe, cause the_ ladies hunters _are coming.”_

“I still regret the day I came out to you.” Lena pinched the bridge of her nose, a fond smile stretching her lips. “I’m fine.”

_“First, you didn’t come out to me, I saw you look at Monica Bellucci in Matrix the same way I look at Keanu and it clicked. Second of all, anyone who spends more than sixty seconds with you is_ immediately aware _of your sapphic preferences."_

_"_ If it's Monica Bellucci how you realised I'm gay, I'm more than okay with it."

_“How’s business going over there?”_ Sam asked.

“We’re doing great. I’m just reviewing the reports and stocks are stable... first time since the last four quarters,” she mumbled, “back at CatCo everything’s going well, too. I’m getting the handle of things, still learning the ins and outs of the company. People there are nice, have been since the first day. There’s this one editor I don’t get along with but, overall, I’m loving it.”

_“It’s nice to hear that. I knew you’d do amazing things in National City.”_

_“I knew that too.”_

“Thanks Sam, thanks Jack,” Lena said, voice dropping to a timid whisper. “It doesn’t mean I don’t miss you, guys.”

_“We know that, silly face. Wait for us this summer, then we can get into our totally respectful and consented hunt. Do you have eyes on your prey?”_ Jack wondered, Lena could almost hear him scratching his beard.

Lena’s fingers twitched. She tossed back the glass and downed the remaining iced tea.

_“We’ve seen a few faces on CatCo’s Instagram that may be just your type,”_ Sam added.

Trouble, when her friends were invested in her love life. Absolute mayhem. They knew Lena wasn’t the type to commit to serious relationships, her emotional scar tissue too tender to make something good out of someone else, good out of herself. It didn’t mean they wouldn’t try to set her up with women fitting Lena’s ideal archetype, and, the choices had been terribly accurate as of now, but it wasn’t good when they started conspiring against her. 

“Are you stalking my company’s social media now?”

_“Isn’t that what friends are supposed to do?”_

“No, Samantha. No one has caught my interest yet.” Her heart raced. Lena felt like she was lying, too bad she didn’t have a rational inkling to why.

_“Well,_ then _you better start getting your summer body ready_ 'cause we ‘bout to hunt sum ladies _,”_ Sam said, Jack’s loud laughter roared through the phone, his childish joy ricocheting across the walls of her office.

“You’re both insufferable.”

No matter how much Lena wanted to stay and waste her day away with her friends on the phone, the corporate world was unforgiving and never stopped. Later that afternoon, she headed to CatCo after having a light lunch at a Greek place two blocks from the building. Walking into her other office, she laughed, it felt like leading a double life, between her job at L-Corp and her job at CatCo. They were polar opposites.

“Supergirl burlesque, uh,” Lena mumbled.

The bullpen was busy as usual, louder at this point of the day when everyone seemed to be on high alert, fueled by hefty nutrients. People were parading around the rows of desks, shouting orders while frantic teenagers printed papers and answered phones at the first ring. It was a sweet chaos. Polar opposites. 

When she reached her destiny and cleared her throat, calling for the women’s attention, they both looked up at her and Nia quickly shoved her phone into a drawer. Lena couldn’t tell who was more flushed as they slurped blue slushees. 

“Good evening, Miss Nal.”

“Ms. Luthor, hey! Hey! It’s nice to see you around. Not that you’re never here... or are too much.” She offered an easy, crooked smile. 

“ _Danvers_.”

“Ms. Luthor.” Kara gave her a court nod, voice strained.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need you to meet me in my office. As soon as possible.” Her gaze was fixed on Kara. 

Lena would have asked about their deer caught in the headlights look if she wasn’t already suspicious of the answer, what with Nia’s stammering and Kara’s clumsy nervousness. Her suspicions were confirmed when she was walking away, Kara whispering to Nia that if she wasn’t back in twenty, she would have to tell Alex she loved her kid.

Knowing Kara was following her, she rolled her eyes and added a conspicuous sway to her hips.

“What is it you wish to discuss, Ms. Luthor?” Kara finally inquired when they had been staring at each other for a long minute, Lena from her seat and Kara leaning against the arm of the couch.

One of the few things Lena didn’t like about this office was the lack of privacy, the glass concept was probably Cat’s idea, but she wasn’t having it. At least not at the beginning. Then, she thought it would perceived as aloof if she changed the bespeaking of literal transparency.

“Where do we stand about gay rights?”

“Excuse me?”

“Pride is a little less than two months away. L-Corp is a major sponsor for the parade and now that I own CatCo- where do we stand about LGBTQ rights?”

“On the good side, CatCo has always been an advocate. A big part of the payroll is part of the community, my friend Nia and myself included. I dare assume our boss too?” 

“Yes,” Lena interjected, “your assumptions are correct.”

“Okay.”

“ _Okay_.”

She wasn’t out, at least not to the public. Not that Lena hid her sexuality, she would never be ashamed of loving whoever she loved, but she wasn’t exuberant about it either. If asked, Lena wouldn’t deny it. Other than it? She preferred to keep her private life... private.

Lena was the first to look away this time.

Kara, as she was now getting used to, was dressed to the nines in a nice all-black suit. The silk shirt with the top two buttons undone allowed a glance at her defined collarbones, a thin silver chain a delicate ornament to the lengthy expanse of her neck. The tailored blazer’s sleeves were rolled up, showing well defined forearms, and her trousers hung high on ample hips, held in place by a black leather belt. Honey blonde curls were up in a messy updo, loose hairs and glasses framing her handsome facial bone structure. 

Lena didn’t like her at all, thought she was annoying, but it was preposterous to deny how attractive Kara was. 

Lena thumbed the high collar of her turtleneck bodysuit, tingles spreading from her stomach trough her arms and neck under the firm eye contact. Kara looked down at her feet, licking her pink lips as she folded her arms and crossed her ankles, her face adopting a complacent grin as she patiently waited for Lena to speak again.

“I thought it’d be nice to do something different this year?” Lena suggested.

Kara hummed, “I’ll pitch the idea to my coworkers, then we’ll see what else they come up with.” She pinched her lower lip, a bloodless ring rounding it. “Limited budget?”

“No. Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s okay with you if I go summon the kids and come back to you later?” 

“Go ahead, please.” Lena gestured to the open door with a hand.

Kara rose from her seat, brushing the front of her pants. She turned on her heels, rubbing her palms together while wearing a shy blush. “Or maybe... just if you want to, you could come meet us in twenty, half a hour tops.” Kara started walking backwards. “We could use a few ideas from the boss.” She snapped her fingers and hit her flattened palm against her closed fist, whirling around and leaving Lena alone with her wandering thoughts.

Lena reviewed the final articles for April’s publication, the swift pace of her reading coming in handy. Allegedly, they already had gone trough the acuity expertise of her editors, so she assumed it was ready to go. Mailing the green light to the publisher department so they could get on the printing, Lena closed the tabs and opened incognito browsing mode.

Her fingers itched, darting eyes surveying the floor while she hid behind the laptop. Lena felt like a rookie hacker unveiling to their anguished society what they had discovered on their first corporate espionage rodeo, the blinking lights and the click of keys a stable reminder to keep her absorbed in the task. She waited for the searching page to load, back hunched and heart beating in her throat when the results came up on the large screen.

_Kara Danvers is an American journalist and editor-in-chief of CatCo Worldwide Media. Born March 19, 1992._

Lena lurked, opening links and whatnot. She avoided the few articles on her employee from dates imminent to the Pulitzer ceremony and picked out her LinkedIn profile phrase by phrase instead. Kara Danvers seemed to lead a good life, graduated from National City University at twenty-one and belted an expansive quantity of courses from Stanford in Humanities, even had given a few talks there. Kara was young, but Lena couldn’t say she was inexperienced. She was an innate storyteller, the prizes she had been awarded with were tangible proof of it. Lena could see why Cat trusted her with such a crucial role.

Lena traversed the internet, inspecting the public visual media available. There wasn’t much to see apart from her education, a few pictures of a younger Kara with darker hair and less muscle posing with, Lena presumed, were her family and some of her friends. She took in a sharp breath when she found pictures featuring the intimate streets of Geneva, Kara still sported the same charming, vivacious smile she did back then. Her shallow breathing quickened the deeper she lurked on her Facebook profile.

She was grateful when the needed interruption came at the hands of someone knocking on the door, letting Lena know they were still waiting for her if she wanted to join the impromptu brainstorming meeting. She closed the lid of the laptop, placing her palms on top of it while trying to regain her breath.

They were all set and started when Lena made it to the room, eyes setting on her at the loud whirring of the door. Kara gave up the chair she was straddling, turning it around and jerking her head towards Lena so she could take a seat, but she gave her a dismissive wave of her hand.

“You don’t have-“

Kara lifted a shoulder, half shrugging. “I’m offering, Ms. Luthor.” She thread a hand trough her hair, a close-lipped smile on her stupid cute face.

Lena watched as Kara headed to the empty spot Nia was probably keeping vacant for her, disregarding the uncomfortable warmth coiling in her lower body when Kara shoved her hands in her pockets and jutted out her hips.

“As I was saying- sorry, glad you could join us, Ms. Luthor,” a young man said, “I thought it’d be dope if we recruited local LGBTQI+ music acts for a concert at parade.” His arms flailed as he spoke. 

“ _Boring_ ,” a girl with black hair styled in two single braids on each side of her head and a face full of piercings, whose name Lena couldn’t believe wasn’t a day of the week, spoke. 

“It’s a cool idea, Santiago.” Kara interjected, scratching her chin. “The government funded a music festival at parade in my hometown, they were always packed and the profits were donated to the homeless youth shelters. Midvale is a matchbox compared to National City, but if we find the right people, I think we could make it work.”

A hubbub of approval ricocheted, Lena noticed Santiago was visibly heartened by his coworkers blessing. When the girl from before spoke again, a negative critique this time, everyone launched to express their own opinions—whether they were good, mediocre, or simple contributions for the smooth development of the parade, if done. Lena didn’t pay attention to half of the stuff discussed, the magnetic force of Kara- Kara throwing her head back and slapping a hand to her mouth when Nia whispered into her ear enough to steal her focus.

Head lowered, Kara stopped laughing as her eyes found Lena’s across the room. Lena didn’t back down this time, holding her hooded gaze with one of her own. She could not surrender, have never surrendered—challenging whoever tried to play temptress with her, see if they would give up at the first sign of pretentious stubbornness or if they’d keep trying until getting their way. It never worked on Kara, not before at least.

But she was a liar and Lena hated her for it. 

Her lips turned downward, white teeth baring when Kara quirked a confused eyebrow in her direction. Kara broke the hypnotizing pull of her blue eyes when Nia tapped her shoulder, then Lena realised the room was quiet and someone had called for her attention. 

“We got a lot of good ideas, I’ll tell Ms. Luthor all about them and I’ll update you guys when she decides what we are doing, is that okay with you?” Heads bobbed up and down, then, “that’s fine. Thank you for coming and for your amazing brains, but now go back to work. Time's a-wasting. Tick-tock.” She clapped twice and the room was emptied within the next minutes. Except for herself, Kara, Nia and two women discussing which fictional droid was better.

“For sentimental value, the logical answer would be R2D2,” Lena chimed in eagerly, “but the answer will always be C-3PO. How could he not be one of your options? All he does is whine and complain, he’s amazing!” 

They looked at her flabbergasted, Lena doubted herself —maybe she had made them uncomfortable with the uncalled for intervention— until they laughed and one of them offered her fist for Lena to fist pump. “I like you, Ms. Luthor,” she said, walking to the door hand-in-hand with the other woman. “Close your mouth, Ms. Danvers. You could swallow a bug,” she laughed. 

“Always _so_ funny, Charlie.”

“I think that’s my cue to leave. _Hasta luego._ ” Nia, too, quickly turned around.

Kara stammered when Lena looked at her, expectant. “She downloaded Duolingo last night. Spanish. Uh- that’s her target language, for the fourth time. I still have faith.” She hid her hands behind her back.

“Cool.”

“No doubt.” Kara watched her. A beat. Nothing. Like if she was expecting Lena to react to what she said as if it had been the funniest thing in the world since Chaplin’s silent films. She shook her head, gesturing to the chair she had offered Lena moments before. “Have a seat, please.” Kara grabbed a stool, placing the wooden chair behind the desk and tidying the notepads and picture frames strewn across it. “The kids came up with many ideas. _Bad news_ , I didn’t write them down and when I remembered I have the attention span of a fish, it was too late. Good news-” 

“Gathering a group of people to ask for their opinion on a specific matter and then forgetting their answers is quite counterproductive, don't you think?” Crossing her legs, she pushed her chest out and adjusted the hem of her leather skirt. 

“It is, absolutely irresponsible on my behalf. Good news... it won’t be an issue for too long. I asked my assistant to act as my scrivener, so there must be an email arriving soon.” Kara blew out her cheeks, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. 

Lena growled at the passive aggressive remark, wanting to answer back with a sardonic line of her own. Although she didn’t feel like wasting her energy so early in what was painting to be a long meeting. She kept her mouth shut instead, taking deep breaths and picking at her fingernails, tracing her knuckles at the same pace of each involuntary contraction of her diaphragm.

Kara was twirling a pen in her fingers, tapping the table a few times before going back to twirling, uncharacteristically still.

Lena abhorred being silent around someone else. She didn’t like the vulnerability exhibited in the quietness of a big room, felt as if her thoughts would evolve into words followed by sounds, and then the untamed decibels would opt to betray her state of seclusion and start to pour out of her mouth if she meditated any harder. Quiet was for when she was alone, isolated from the harsh world and, if in the middle of her rumination something were to wander around, then nobody would be there to judge and discern what Lena held most sacred to her heart. 

She let her jade eyes roam around the wide expanse of Kara's office, dawn spilling orange and pink hues and flooding every corner as it reached tokens and emblems giveaways of Kara’s personality. Lena stopped at the frames from before, white and straight edges holding intimate glimpses of Kara looking the same way she did in the pictures Lena had found online. Her heart constricted when she noticed the navy floral blouse Kara was wearing, one Lena was pretty sure once belonged in her closet. The frame adjacent to it displayed an older Kara carrying a baby on her shoulders, next to her stood a woman with an arm around her waist and a bright grin. Lena wondered if in the middle of the fast pace Kara had set for her life, she had gotten married and had kids. She couldn’t see a ring or any other telltale she was already committed for life. 

“That’s Alex,” Kara said.

“ _Oh_ , that’s your sister?”

“Mm-hmm, and that’s her son, my nephew, Kareem Jeremiah.” An eager smile lit up her face. “After me and my late adoptive father, Jeremiah. Isn’t it like... super cool?” she gushed, Lena nodded.

“I didn't know about your father, I'm sorry about that,” Lena said, biting the inside of her cheek. “Your nephew is really cute.”

Kara stiffened, gave Lena a tight curl of her lips. “Thank you, guess it’s in the DNA.”

Lena looked up at the whirring of the door, Kara soon following her line of vision. A young girl, probably the youngest employee Lena had seen since she took over CatCo, walked in with an envelope on her folded arm, sighing dreamily when Kara offered a wink in return.

“Thanks, love. I thought you would send an email?” Kara asked, placing the envelope on top of the desk.

“Yes, Ms. Danvers, but I-um... my laptop isn’t charged.” 

Lena bit her thumb to stop her laugh, seeing right trough the blatant lie. She was sure assistants had a desk computer, and phones. The shy smile on the girl’s face vanished when she realised Lena was there too, a pink tint clouding her cheeks as she grabbed the doorknob and walked out, door creaking as it closed behind her.

“I gotta fix that,” Kara said, finger pointing to the door. “That’s Madeline, my incredibly well-timed assistant. She’s eighteen, her parents won’t fund college because she chose the liberal arts, anthropology. It sucks, I know.”

“I can’t remember having asked.”

“Rude, but still true. I tend to overshare, some people say.” Kara pulled a single sheet of paper from the envelope, stretching to grab a red marker from a bamboo pen holder on the far side of the writing desk. Settling again on the stool, she hooked her feet around its legs.

“Can we just...?”

“I will read this list for you, feel free to speak when you hear something you like.” She started listing idea after idea, each one more absurd than the other. “... a food stand, we always do that anyway. A drag costume contest.”

“That sounds cool,” Lena said, Kara highlighted the item.

“Oh, there’s an eating contest. A lot of contests, to be honest. A wet t-shirt cont-oh my... what a hedonistic generation we've got. A parade after party with NC’s most prominent gay figures, which well...”

“What?”

Kara’s brows furrowed, “really? It is extremely elitist, we don’t want to celebrate only the upper class. But if you want to, we could look into it.”

“I’m not an elitist.”

“I’m not saying you are, this idea is.”

“I’m not saying we should do it, either,” Lena huffed, “like I said, I’m _not_ an elitist.”

“Any man who must say, ‘I am the king’, is no true king.” Kara shrugged. “The music festival is my favourite idea. A good opportunity for music junkies to attract attention where it’s needed and a good time for people at parade, I know a few local artists that might be interested. Don’t know how you feel about it.”

Lena was fuming, boiling with rage. Kara’s moronic analogies set her nerves on fire. How dare she insinuate Lena shared such hideous ideologies? She had been called a _blue blood_ several times before, ranked high on terms of hereditary nobility, but she wasn’t, for the love of god, a goddamn elitist. She didn’t assume she had power over society because of her wealth, or anything else. It was a vacuous statement, one Kara shouldn't be incidentally making. 

If anything, she was an innate advocate for egalitarianism, social equality. Lena was a philanthropist, always working for justice and equity and she knew it, she would never doubt her intentions were other than good-hearted. She hated that her opinion could rile her up so much. 

Lena snapped when she saw Kara staring. “What?”

“You are bleeding, you- your nose is bleeding.” 

“What?” Her weak shrill was lost like a whistle in the middle of the ocean under the stentorian thundering in her ears. Lena guided a hand to her nose and coming up with warm, sticky liquid, she groaned, pinching her nose and throwing her head back.

Kara was already on her feet, wrapping paper towels around ice cubes. Lena didn’t have time to frighten about the river of blood saturating her hands, for Kara was standing in front of her with her hands outstretched. “What are you doing!? Lean forward, even us not geniuses know that,” she said, carefully splaying her hands down Lena’s back so her head was tilted forward instead of reclined against the headrest of her chair. “Here.” Kara handed her more paper tissues. “Put them under your nose so your clothes won’t get ruined.” 

Lena did as asked, levelling the tissues between her upper lip and nostrils, the coppery smell permeating them. Soft hands cradled her face with tender delicacy, fingers caressing her jaw like if the clenched bone was to be hallowed as a sacred relic. Asymmetrical pools of sapphire bore into her eyes, concern floating in the barely visible grey flecks.

“I need you to let go of your nose, then put this over the bone. Don’t apply a lot of pressure, we just want your vessels to cool down,” Kara ordered, “that’s it, thank you, _love_.”

With a hand tucked under Lena’s chin, Kara squatted down and reached for her nose, pinching the soft spot below the bony bridge. She adjusted her grip until the blood flow stopped, pressing firmly towards her face. “I’m going to be doing this for the next five minutes, so make yourself at home. Just breath through your mouth, it’ll make things easier. You’re supposed to be able to breath trough your nose, too.”

Lena was too heated to be comfortable, her chest burned and her thighs were stuck to the chair after having sat there for so long. Kara’s fingers were gentle, so gentle she couldn’t discern if the erratic beating of her heart was because Kara was mere inches away from her face and Lena could almost smell the raspberry on her lips, or rather the fountain leaking from her nose. 

The improvised ice pack held against the bridge of her nose blocked her view, she could only see from the corner of her right eye and hear Kara’s heavy breathing, the warmth of each exhale crashing like a sweet tide into her, otherwise, the office was once again silent. A few minutes later, when her arm started cramping and her nose was getting cold burnt, she lowered her head to see long eyelashes fluttering as Kara glanced at her own hands, blemished by scarlet spots. She was standing again, Lena’s heart going berserk in her rib cage at the shadow hovering above her.

“I think it’s okay if I let go now, keep the tissues there just in case,” Kara said, releasing her grip on Lena’s nose. She let out a happy squeal when she came to the conclusion the haemorrhage had stopped, a minute after Lena’s nose wasn’t pouring red. “You still get those?” she asked, discarding the bloodied tissues into the bin, passing Lena a package of baby wet wipes for her to clean herself up and an empty mug. “Spit here if you need to.”

“Apparently. It happens when it’s too warm, or too cold.” Lena was thankful when Kara turned her back to her. She spit the blood clots, wiped her lips and nostrils and anxiously picked under her nails where blood was already drying. Lena thanked Kara when she offered her a bottle of water.

Since she was a kid, Lena had been prone to epistaxis. She could remember running around the Luthor mannor in sweaters spotted with blood, or waking up to pillow cases drenched in red. She always carried squares of toilet paper in her pockets, ready for whatever hemo-outburst could occur so Lillian wouldn’t chastise her for the trails of blood in the hardwood floors. 

They had taken her to the doctor, but Lena’s paediatrician had calmed her father down every time, telling him it was normal and it happened because Lena picked her nose, or changes in temperature —she would realise later it was the latter— lead to dry nasal membranes. It had gotten better, with an unique relapse after Lena’s raging alcoholism phase in college.

“Sorry about your clothes,” Kara said, pulling Lena out of her brooding.

She glanced at her bodysuit, drops spattered across the white canvas. 

“Bloody hell.” Lena closed her eyes. “No pun intended.”

“Do you want to keep talking about pride or would you prefer going back to your office and rest?”

“No rest for the wicked, I’m afraid,” she sighed, “I really like the festival thing. It’s my favourite idea out of the bunch. I could hook some friends up and-“

“Ms. Luthor,” she interrupted, “the festival is about local talents. I don’t believe your musician friends are locals, or _just_ starting. It’s supposed to give the trying clique a chance.”

“I would like it if you stopped interrupting me whenever I’m speaking. I know what the festival would be about, and there will be less-known artists, that’s for sure. But there’s space for a few headline performances.” 

“Then people would only come for them.”

“That’s a risk we have to take for the sake of profits. Do you think it’ll have the same impact if we hire people nobody knows compared to Lady Gaga or fucking Elton John jumping into stage?” 

“But it is about having fun with National City’s born and bred!” Kara retorted, a reluctant decadence poured into her tone.

“Capitalism is not about having fun. I can’t spend more in logistics and shaping the festival into life than what we make in profits and donations, it would be money I could’ve donated too. The media will be first to pinpoint that.” She rested her hands on the table. “We can compromise on the performers, but I won’t risk it.”

“Okay, I see your point,” she said, “wait, you know Elton John?”

Shaking her head, Lena laughed. “Not personally. He and my grandfather went to the same music academy. They were... close.” 

“That’s wicked cool! Your grandpa was into music?” Kara grabbed the stool, buzzing with restlessness as she sat.

“You’re terribly nosy, Danvers. But yes, he is the one who taught me to play the piano when I visited Ireland.” 

“Oh. He is your mother’s father.” 

It was an old story, but Lena had never told someone about the only living maternal relative she had left. She spent some weekends with him when boarding school allowed it, but then she came back to America for university at a young age. Still, Lena made time to fly across the Atlantic to visit at every chance she had. When she turned eighteen and gained full access to her trust fund, she set him up in a cosy cottage at the outskirts of Kinsale, a pianoforte being the first thing she purchased for him. 

“Yup,” Lena gulped, “I can’t quite imagine the Luthors going for the arts.”

“Me neither,” Kara whispered, “what’s his name?”

“You won’t believe me.” 

“Try me.”

“Ciarán.”

Kara bowed her head, shoulders shaking with silent laughter. “Oh my god! No, wait, I told you I would try.” She stopped herself. “It is a _pretty_ good name, tho. _Pretty_. Little dark one,” Kara rolled the words on her tongue, “ _pretty_ name, indeed.”

Because Lena only held memories of repressed emotions, had little to no idea how to handle the sudden overwhelming pressure encompassing her rib cage, she stuttered, “about the festival...”

“Right. So, I guess we’ll figure out the headlining later. But we don’t have much time left, it’s important we speed things up.” She grabbed the pen and turned back the paper list Madeline had given her, scribbling down on it. “The parade always starts at University Town, Charles Street to be precise. Then it goes down Tudor Ave-” Kara traced a long line-“up to National City Stadium. It finishes there and the park in Loraine is close, it could be a nice location.”

“Okay.”

“You’ll have to ask City Hall for permission. I don’t think they will deny it, you’re a Luthor, you basically own this city,” Kara said, “the tough stuff is, you absolutely have to talk to HR and PR. I would do it for you, but I’m not on Walter’s good side.”

“Who’s Walter?”

“The head of Human Resources.”

“Why wouldn’t he like you?”

“A few years ago, when I was Cat’s assistant, he and I were in the same floor. So, naturally, we shared break rooms... and fridges,” she hissed, “there were always delicious chocolate puddings tagged ‘Danvers’. His full name is Walter Danvers.” 

“Oh, _no_.”

“Oh, _yes_. I thought someone was leaving things for me in the fridge. How was I supposed to know his name was Danvers, too?” 

“If you weren’t sure, you shouldn’t have taken them.”

“I know, and I’ve apologised a zillion times. But he’s serious about his puddings.”

“So are you.” She could recall Kara almost fighting people over chocolate pastries. “I’ll talk to them. We are settled, then?”

“Actually.” Kara bit her nail. “There’s something else.”

Kara doodled on the blank spaces of the paper, stalling and pretending Lena wasn’t looking at her with an exasperated expression. She was deliberately slow to speak, when she did, Lena understood why. 

“Nia had this idea. It’s pretty cool. She said maybe we could do a special publication for June? We can interview our fellow LGBTQ coworkers, highlighting them and their work for CatCo. You included, if that’s something you’re okay with.”

“Oh.”

Lena wasn’t out, Lena wasn’t publicly out and she didn’t understand why she was suddenly panicking over the prospect of doing so, when she was so comfortable with her sexuality. The thought of strangers having free access to her life was scary, no matter if there were a couple of rumours and strong speculations whispered under breaths stinking of Scotch when she walked into a society event. Nothing was true till confirmed. 

However, it would be ideal to do so. She was a public figure with a platform, and she knew she carried some responsibilities with the title. Many people all over the world looked up to Lena and tried to follow in her steps. If she let the younger generations know how free she felt about loving whomever she did, they’ll start feeling comfortable, inspired to love without barriers. 

She was grateful she was being offered the chance of having an honest outlet to write the news if she decided to take the risk, Lena could intervene if someone tried to tergiverse her speech and twist it into something evil.

“I’ll do it.”

“Really?” Kara let out a harsh breath.

“Yes, I’m okay with it,” Lena said, standing up. She was tired and ready to go home and shower, she felt dirty and exhausted after emptying her blood vessels in Kara’s hands. “Shit. I forgot about my clothes.”

In a swift move, Kara took off her suit jacket, extending her arm to present it to Lena. “You can take it, it’s not like we won’t see each other in a long time.”

“Thank you," Lena said, trying hard not to gawk at long legs and dark, silky fabric framing her torso.

“You’re welcome, Ms. Luthor.”

As Lena walked trough the door of Kara’s office with a wounded pride, hands clutching tight into the pockets of the jacket as the pleasant fragrance took her back to years ago when life was so much easier and Lena was tangled in a web of passive lies, she hated Kara’s fake thoughtfulness less than she did when she walked in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lena and kara actually being civil with each other? in this economy? we love to see that!
> 
> i've seen how chaotic things were this weekend in the fandom, so this is my gentle reminder that people fear what they can't understand, they'll stay pressed and kara and lena will remain soulmates till the end of times
> 
> you all are valid and sooo loved! hope you have an amazing week! ♡♡♡


	4. Oh you know you try, it's the worst case scenario lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw//
> 
> mentions of antidepressant drugs known as SSRI

The week following the anniversary of her adoption, Kara forged an unshakeable routine revolving around her primal needs. Intended as an instrument of self preservation, built to fight the emotions incarnated as angels and devils in the apex of her shoulders. She believed the whole burdensome spectrum she deemed _Important Dates Blues_ couldn’t affect her this year if she kept her mind occupied, replaying banal memories in her mind like a cassete.

So, Kara sat for nights on end on the windowsill, watching with delight as her favourite part of the day came; the sun dwindling to present the moon with a fairy spotlight, mournful lips assigning names to patterns of stars until she was too tired to dream about anything other than clusters of celestial bodies.

Some days were harder than others. The remnants of everything she once had but lost in the blink of an eye lurked like ghosts, breathing down her neck until her throat constricted. But when she woke up from a shallow sleep the next morning, it was different, more real. Pain had migrated to her upper body, became a physical thing instead of the symbolic anchor pulling her underwater. 

She made it to the office with a pounding headache, exhausted after a night of tossing and turning in bed.

“Do you think it could be a relapse?” Nia asked, pushing her lunchbox to the side.

“No,” she snapped, “I'm just tired. I might be just coming down with the flu or something.”

Nia touched the back of her hand to her forehead. “Well, you kind of have a fever.” 

Kara shrugged, collapsing into the nest of her own arms with a groan.

“Have you been taking your meds?”

She froze, suddenly remembering the moment she discarded the holy orange bottle. Two days ago.

_“Shit.”_

“Kara.”

“I know, I know. I forgot.”

Kara picked up her phone, thanking Nia with a relieved hum when she closed the blinds and placed a bottle of cold water in front of her. 

“Kara?” She put the phone on speaker, her cheek against the cool desk.

“Kelly. Hi- hello, how are you? Are you busy?” 

“Hey,” she answered, “not at all. Jeremiah and I were taking a stroll through the park but now we’re on our way home. What about you? Is everything okay?”

“I’m really sorry to bother you, but I might’ve forgotten to take my pills this morning... and yesterday?” Kara grimaced when she heard a sigh coming from the other side of the call. “I had to pick up the prescription but it completely slipped my mind. You and Alex are the only ones allowed to do it for me and she won’t be back until late night, and I’d do it myself but my limbs aren’t following orders right now. Could you please, _please_ pick them up and send them to CatCo with a delivery person or something?”

“Text me the prescription link, please. Traffic is rather slow today, I’ll take them there myself. Do you need anything else?”

“No, that’s it. Thank you so much.” 

Shivers down her spine, Kara glanced to her untouched lunch and gulped back the bilis in her throat, washing the revolting taste away with water. She dozed off in her chair, awakened time after time by the constant loll of her head and the sound of Nia’s patter as she picked up their trash before she retreated from the office.

Knowing it would be futile to try and get some work done, Kara wasted her time by counting the seconds it took for the knock on her door to come. She was nearing twelve hundred when it did.

“Have I ever told you you’re my favourite Danvers-Olsen?” Kara said, peaking at her through the slits of her heavy lids.

“It’s nice to be remembered.”

“Where’s my little man?” she asked, “no, please leave it open. I don’t think I can handle its awful shrieks.” 

Kelly let the doorknob go. “Nia stole him. It’s probably for the best. You can’t function when he’s around and I need to talk to you.” 

Tearing the bag Kelly gave her, she took a pill and drowned what was left in the bottle. “Do you?” Kara closed her eyes, dreading what was coming. She lowered her head, covering her face with her hands and taking deep breaths before facing Kelly again. Warm brown eyes were fixed on her, paired with a soft smile and soothing hands running up and down her back. She let the peaceful aura envelope her too, blinking back tears sprung from the genuine display of affection.

“How are you, really?”

“I’m fine. It's not like I forgot them in purpose.”

“I’m not insinuating you did, Kara. You’re well aware antidepressant discontinuation syndrome is a serious condition. I'm asking if there’s a reason why it happened.”

“I’ve been busy,” she sniffled and got rid of her glasses, crystal pearls littering her eyelashes. 

She had been jittery since her heart-to-heart with Alex, what it really meant for Kara to have to build a new, one-eighty relationship with the girl who broke her heart for the first time.

Lena and Kara had grown from the immaturity. They burned a metaphorical letter with their grudges and silently agreed to never speak about it, but even when the foundations of what they almost came to be mismatched what they begrudgingly turned into a fragile work relationship, the bricks housing their newfound acquaintance were the same ones that once housed an illusion. 

Kara couldn’t stop thinking if there was still a chance to build something different from scratch. Something real. Stronger.

“I didn’t think it’d be so hard, having to see her again. I’m pretty sure my feelings are in the past-“ she let out a shuddering breath, her chest tied in knots-“they left when she did. I fell in love with her back then, it’s stupid that I keep denying it, but my mind is messing with me and now... maybe- is not the fucking time to be thinking about this—about her.”

“From what I’ve heard, you really seemed to care about her,” Kelly interjected, “and it’s okay if you loved Lena or if there’s the slightest possibility you still do, time has nothing to do with love. Heaven knows I was ready to marry your sister in our third date.”

Kara laughed. “All I do is hide when she’s near me. It feels wrong, to see those beautiful big eyes look at me like I ruined her entire existence.”

“There’s nothing to feel guilty about, Kara. It isn’t okay to hold a grudge against you without discussing what happened. You should talk to her, let her know your side of the story, why you did what you did and listen to what she has to say. The things we never talk about only help rot what’s inside of our hearts-“ Kelly pushed Kara's sternum with her index finger-“even some of the most loving ones.”

“You’re too soft,” Kara said, blushing and grinning.

“I’m still earning brownie points with you.”

“You make my family happy, that’s _all_ I could ask for.”

Staring into space, Kara let her head fall into Kelly’s shoulder, cracking her knuckles and fidgeting with the cold metal of her rings to stop her hands from trembling. Her breath quickened, a Pavlovian response to the obnoxious sound of heels nailing the floor. When she opened her eyes, it was Lena standing in the doorway with a box in her hands and eyes wide as saucers.

Rousing from her seat, Kara went limp, limbs staggering and knees buckling under her weight. Blinking the white spots, floor still swaying under her feet, she grabbed the forearm holding her up, looking down and away from whoever the limb she was grasping belonged to. 

“Are you okay?” Lena asked.

“Peachy,” Kara gave a mirthless laugh. Focus lost, she decided it was wiser to sit down. “Ms. Le- Ms. Luthor, this is Kelly, my sister-in-law.” She gestured with her thumb to Kelly sitting next to her, her leg bouncing under the desk. “Kelly, this is my boss, Lena Luthor.”

“It’s nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Good things, I hope,” Lena said.

Lena turned into stone when she first saw Kara and Kelly together, only dropping the daunting facade when the latter grabbed her hand and smiled her way, the reluctant valleys in her forehead melting as Kelly spewed compliments.

“Of course, you tend to make great first impressions.”

Kara bit her cheek, watching Kelly’s eyes spark with something close to fierce apprehension, the sharp edge of protectiveness clouding her words a heavy statement hidden under the overall kindness she exuded. 

Stepping back, Lena fixed a lock of dark hair behind her ear and let her arms loose on each side of her hips. She examined Kelly for a second, vague recognition dancing in her eyes, before jade orbs brightened. “Are you related to Mr. Olsen?”

“What gave me away?” 

“The whole handsome-“ her hand fluttered around her own features-“kind smile thing. I don’t know, it probably sounds silly,” Lena said, letting out a nervous laugh and ducking her head to veil the flush of her cheeks.

Kara tilted her head. Lena was avoiding her gaze, ignoring her like if Kara was part of the furniture, not close to be properly intrigued about. It wasn’t unusual, being overlooked by Lena, but the distraught tensing of her jaw and the blatant disregard was not common about her, either.

“No, we have been told so before,” Kelly confessed, “James is, _incredibly_ , my older sibling.” 

It was when Kara saw the brisk flash of longing that she figured out the reason behind Lena’s sudden vulnerability.

“Older brothers gravitate to the stigma, I’m afraid.” 

Waves of understanding between Lena and Kelly permeated the humid walls of her office, frail threads tying them together in a genuine complicity born from sympathy. It made Kara feel like an intruder in her own land. 

“What about you, Ms. Danvers? Were you your sister’s keeper?” Lena asked.

Kara opened her mouth, gaping like a fish. No words came out. Lena, opposite to a couple of minutes ago, was regarding her with an almost cynical grin. 

“I-I... mhmm, no? If anything, I think I was the troublemaker.”

“You could’ve fooled me,” Lena said, clicking her tongue. “After all, you seem _so_ benign.” 

Lena's tongue-in-cheek compliments were geting kind of old. The constant provocations caused a soporific effect on Kara, who in the last weeks had become completely immune to being her boss’ personal punching bag. 

However, impotence was eating her from inside out, carving out irregular patterns in her morale whenever she allowed Lena to reduce her to a monstrosity of some kind, to the point the slightest snarky comment was a flame rapidly approaching the long track of fuel she had been tracing, waiting to ignite a fire within herself Kara never allowed to be set.

She flexed her hands, hollowed her cheeks and whistled on a low note as her gaze fell on Kelly, engrossed in the meticulous picking-out of the tension between Lena and Kara. She had no doubt Kelly could pierce the impregnable armour Lena had taken upon herself to build over the years, but Kara feared her compendium could be something that somehow had the power to tarnish the dubious idea of Lena she had, the power to mold and then break what she thought was real. 

“Here, I came to return your jacket,” Lena said.

Kara rubbed the back of her neck before taking the box from Lena. “Thank you.”

“I think I must be the one to say that.” She turned to Kelly. “I should be going, but it was really nice meeting you, Ms. Olsen.”

“Mrs. Danvers-Olsen,” Kelly corrected.

“My apologies. Have a good evening, Mrs. Danvers-Olsen.” She nodded and spun on her heels. “You should go home if you’re not feeling well, Danvers.”

“Lena seems...” Kelly started when she was out of earshot, the grimace on Kara’s face the only proof the interaction was real and not result of a fever dream.

“To loath me? Drop-dead gorgeous? Nice but confusing? The reason why I’ll lose what’s left of my sanity?” She pressed her hands to her cheeks, bottom lip trapped between her teeth. “You’re assumptions are correct.”

“I was going to say _guarded_.”

“You noticed how pretty she is, is it weird I’m a bit attracted to her after everything? When she wants to be nice, she’s the sweetest and most real person I’ve ever talked to, she’s just the girl I fell in love with all over again. Oh, but then-but then! She’s dropping buckets of icy water over me and I- she's- I feel like I’m dealing with a time bomb. Trying to guess which version of Lena I’m gonna see everyday it’s so frustrating!” Kelly flinched at her outburst. “It’s so frustrating because I have no idea why I get so riled up when I know I have to ignore the stuff she throws my way.” 

“Breathe with me.” Kelly approached Kara as if she were a wounded dog. “In and out, you know the drill, sweetheart.” She rubbed her arms, waiting for Kara to take ahold of her breathing. “I know this is hard for you.” 

“ _Life_ is hard.”

“You’re doing amazing and you have us, okay? We’re proud of you.” 

So, naturally, Kara kept her camping on the wide sill of her window. Watching as the amber light of twilight slowly made its transition to the dark hues of a brand-new bruise. Over the next four sunsets, she reduced her complex routine to being an anonymous admirer of nature's work, while still trying to lessen the silent suffering that sought to wither her energetic rhythm. 

She worked so hard not to forget she had to maintain a routine, she forgot about actually keeping it. Kara forgot her ten morning miles in the balmy hills of California and her workout time after work, forgot her weekly call with Eliza, forgot that she had promised to take care of her nephew on her sister's anniversary and forgot to pick up her bike from the repair shop, forgot about her friends and responsibilities but in her sleepy stupor those things couldn’t have mattered less, even when those small doses of distraction kept Kara from being corrupted again by the disturbing shadows in her fragile memory.

The fifth time in less than forty-eight hours that she woke with a start in the middle of the night, lying on soaked sheets and the echo of her heart thumping in the room, lit by the warm ray of light that slipped in through the crack of the door, the vague glimpses of decrepit figures she could remember from her worst nightmares as a child were enough alarm to pull her out of the inhibited daze she had sunk into.

She called her therapist to talk about the living hell her week had become, letting them know even if she hadn’t recently been audience to a situation that could be qualified as triggering, her energy had been drained by events she could not pinpoint. Kara assured them she was still taking her medication —except for the mishap a few days ago— and it wasn't until she had the opportunity to attend the office and speak to her therapist, talking about what she was truly afraid of, laying horizontal as she threw and caught a ball of wool and poured her heart out, that the sense of relief that had slipped like sand through her fingers came back. 

Kara left the session with twenty five more milligrams of Zoloft added to her daily dosage, along with the assurance that the couple of weeks before and after some important days would represent a possible episode. Emotional sensitivity was not a matter of concern as long as she kept the channels of communication open.

Kara returned to the office the following Monday morning. Taking a shortcut to Noonan’s and ordering a cup of iced coffee and chocolate desserts to go. Her footsteps were light on the burning asphalt, the warm air of her whistling making the leaves of the flowering bushes flutter. She hummed to the customary music from the elevator, bobbing her head to the rhythm of the intimate melody. Kara got the first scare of the week when Nia suddenly appeared on the other side of the elevator doors with an unusual smile for the early hour of the day, an erect stiffness to her body. She dropped the grease-stained bag, but the cup of coffee was safe, her knuckles turning the color of snow with the force she exerted on it.

"Nia!" She scolded her, a hand going to her chest.

"Oops, sorry. _Buenos días_ , how was your week?”

“Remotely tedious. What about yours? How’s that Spanish going?”

“Great! I can say _mucho gusto_ , _un auto rojo_ -which sounded hot when I first heard it- and _destornillador._ I have no idea what it means, but I heard it on an infomercial and thought it sounded cool. Have lunch with me today?-" she raised an accusatory finger-"no isn’t a valid answer."

"What’s got you so energetic today? You can barely keep your feet on the ground,” Kara said, looking over her shoulder then her watch. “Did you get a good night rest?”

"My last decent sleep was in the womb. Have you not seen the email?"

“I haven't checked it in days, no. Why? What‘s up?" 

“Here.” She reached out, smacking Kara’s shoulder when she got distracted by the boxes of food cramming the square feet comprising Nia's workstation. 

Kara grabbed the smartphone, reading the email made available to her. She tried hard not to be surprised when she deduced the eternally complicated terminology had the simple goal of inviting all CatCo workers to a welcome party at Lena’s penthouse.

"Isn't that freaking cool? Attending a party hosted by none other than Lena Luthor? Unforgettable at best, top tier at worst, " she gushed," I bet there'll be ice sculptures and all."

"Lena is pretty laid back when it comes to any event that isn’t a gala, don't get your hopes up."

"A Lena-expert now?”

"Shut your mouth, Nia," Kara mused, rolling her eyes as Nia threw her head back, laughing.

"But did I lie? Don't be late, there’s tons of catching up to do.”

"I'll think about it." Kara was already on her way to her office, but stopped when she remembered she had something to ask her. She gestured at the plastic packages. “Wait, does all this food have something to do with you being so persistent about us having lunch? Where did all this come from, by the way? ”

It was Nia's turn to blush, to hide behind the bento box fort. "Isn’t this a little excessive?," she asked, "I'll tell you all about it later."

Kara accepted the vague but temporary response.

Her office was just as she had left it a few days ago. Not a single particle of dust could be seen, and the curtains were closed. Whoever had kept the office spotless knew how much the sunlight could irritate Kara on some occasions.

Except for the box Lena had left there when they last saw each other, a pair of sealed envelopes, and a monthly rainbow-colored pill organizer, Kara could have sworn the place had been suspended in time while the door was closed.

The plastic organizer had a post-it note stuck to it, she smiled at Nia’s chic lettering and freehand doodling, unmistakable before Kara's eyes. On the other hand, the unmarked black box caught her attention like a crow in the middle of a highway. The delicate, neat folds of her suit jacket prevented any unwanted marks on the fabric. It was recently washed, of course, but if Kara got close to the soft cloth she could swear it still exhaled the lauded bouquet of a floral impression. 

She saw last the cardboard rectangle with a golden seal. A handwritten note with Lena's perfect calligraphy, a tender reminder of the notes they used to pass in secrecy. Kara put the note in the first drawer and continued to open the envelopes with a letter opener, getting rid of the modest invitations and useless coupons.

By the time she was supposed to meet Nia again, Kara had already done much of the work she had left behind in her days off. Her inbox emptied as she discarded emails after giving pertinent answers. When she deleted the last email, Kara realized she hadn’t come across Lena's solemn invitation. She checked spam, but it wasn't there either. Kara wanted to believe perhaps it had been a mistake, something like that could happen when you send a message en masse, but she had no doubt Lena's assistant wouldn’t forget anyone unless she had received a direct order.

She brooded as she walked into the balcony, unlit candles on the table surrounded a vase filled with plastic flowers. Nia was already waiting for her, swaying in her chair, a gift wrapped neatly with a bow was sitting on her lap.

Kara raised an eyebrow, a knowing smile stretching the muscles of her face. "Care to explain what’s this?"

"A date with my best mate, duh," Nia admitted, "I thought- since we haven't celebrated your birthday... I thought it would be a good idea." She blushed, suspecting perhaps her surprise wouldn’t be well received.

"Thank you," Kara said, covering Nia's hand with her own. "It means a lot to me."

Nia's shyness evaporated to give way again to the excitement that seemed to electrify her. She slid the gift across the table, prompting Kara to open it. She laughed when Nia growled, desperate by her vehement slowness.

"Jeez, this is nice," Kara said, holding the frame in her hands. "This is absolutely great, thanks."

“It is kind of a memento? If you ignore how self-centered it looks at first glance.” Nia scratched her chin. “It’s the first article with both our names in the byline. It means a lot to me not only because it kickstarted my career, but because it strengthened our relationship as mentor-mentee.”

Kara offered a genuine smile, her eyes voraciously going over the lines written at some distant midnight, liters of energizer coursing through their system, by younger and more naive versions of them.

Kara loved being in charge of such an outstanding position in CatCo, not just for the thrill of it, but because she could instill in someone else everything she had learned over the years in the harsh world of journalism, but since she took over as editor-in-chief, a large group of people saw her as a leader by hierarchy. Nia was one of the few who didn’t doubt for a second the promotion was granted to Kara for her own merit. The first person to be under Kara's wing and the first person Cat granted talented to follow in the footsteps of her protégé. 

“Thank you, this is awesome,” Kara repeated, “you’re a wonderful, lovely friend.”

The exquisite oriental flavor bathed Kara's taste buds, she devoured roll after roll until Nia placed a chocolate cupcake in front of her and tried to lit the candles, realizing her mistake when the breeze had extinguished the delicate flames for the third time.

"It is, no matter how tragic, important that I admit I have yet to develop my Firebending skills, bear with me."

"Take your time." Kara pursed her lips when Nia gave up on the twelfth attempt.

They shared the cupcake, taking small bites as they discussed the quirks of the last days.

"So," Kara gestured toward the bento boxes already empty.

"God, yes. This morning he brought me my favorite breakfast and it was perfect,” Nia sighed, "but now this..."

"Maybe food is Brainy’s language of love."

“I think I just need to tell him in plain English that this is thirty five boxes of sushi _too much_ love.” 

“Yeah, that sounds like a very healthy and mature thing to do but I’m gonna enjoy this while it lasts,” Kara said, patting her tummy. “Is it wise to say then it’s official between you two?”

“I guess. I mean, we’ve dating for almost two months and been friends for a long time before that.”

They had met thanks to Alex, when she decided to invite her coworker to their thanksgiving celebration after he mentioned his whole family lived abroad, and was used to spending the holidays alone in his apartment. Then Nia was also there, and the chemistry sparked instantly, but Brainy's awkward personality prevented Nia's timid advances from succeeding for years.

"Thank the lord. I’m happy for you, guys."

“My fingers are crossed, but I really like him.”

"Hey, it will work. And if it doesn't, well, I know every junk food corner in this city.” Kara shrugged.

"What about you? How are you doing?"

Kara took a sip of water, looking at Nia over the rim of the glass. She placed her folded forearms on the table, hands holding her elbows and leaned forward to watch her companion's face.

"Better. The days I took did wonders.”

"It makes me happy to hear that."

Nia listened to Kara's storyline, from the day she forgot to take her medication to her conversation with the therapist, nodding every time Kara admitted something Nia had had a slight suspicion was true. Nia listened with a sincere smile until Kara was done.

She was pleased to have the time for conversations with those she felt really comfortable, knowing they would always be there, no matter how far-fetched the order of her thoughts put into words might sound.

She mentioned in passing the party to which her invitation had never been sent, but the hint went right over Nia’s head. She giggled even before Kara had finished mentioning their boss's name.

"I have been dying to ask what is going on between you," Nia admitted, laying her chin on her intertwined fingers. "Spill."

"What?"

"C’mon! I see and hear things, dude,” Nia scoffed, “do you think I haven't noticed the sexual tension? Plus, she hasn't been around since the last day you were here. Seriously, do I have to believe you are not the only reason Ms. Luthor comes to the office?”

"First, Ms. Luthor is the CEO. She has enough reasons to be here. Second, there is no _sexual tension_ ,” she said, using air quotes to emphasize the denial of her argument. "We barely stand each other."

"Precisely. The longing, the lingering glances, the repression... the gay yearning? Chef's kiss.”

"You don’t know what you are talking about."

“Ninety-nine percent of the time I’m a fact spitting machine. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised at all. Lena is a ten out of ten. I would let her step on my face and probably thank her.”

"We used to date," Kara blurted out, shredding a paper napkin into asymmetrical pieces.

_"What!?"_

“Awful wording. Lena is... someone I used to know.”

"Why am I just hearing about this?"

"It's not something I like to talk about."

"Okay, I understand." Nia nodded, pressing her lips together.

Kara then watched Nia struggle, feeling perplexed by the sudden bout of power she held. Nia sat on her hands, forbidding their motion as if they were the immediate lock secure preventing a time bomb from wasting seconds of crucial time, the need to ask questions creating pressure as the flashing numbers approached zero.

Deciding to free Nia of her misery, feeding her nosy nature, Kara said, "ask."

"Girl, I-I don't even know where to start." She fanned her face with her hands. "How? When? Where? I’m malfunctioning, just give me substantial information, I’m begging.”

“I was twenty-two, living in Switzerland for a short period of time. Lena was there on her summer vacation, she had just finished her undergraduate, determined to get her PhD. We had mutual friends who were constantly throwing parties and one night we drank too much and... we kissed, then we didn't stop after that. She was never my girlfriend, we were suspended in this super strange limbo? I guess we had chemistry, but alas, it didn't work at the end of the day.”

"What happened?"

Kara swallowed, her long fingers tapping the table. Reluctance didn’t allow her to recall the reasons behind her quasi-breakup with Lena, the humiliation and resentment that still lingered threatening to afflict her current state of mind, like a grey cloud hovering over her head with the cruel menace of spilling at any wrong move. She chose to omit certain truths, leave it to a passive lie.

"Too many secrets, and she had to go back- come back to America, that's it."

"Wow," Nia commented, puzzled by the new information. "How was she?"

Lips pursed, Kara rocked on the edge of her chair, wrapping her arms around herself. 

There wasn’t a single way to describe her, Lena was a piece to be portrayed with utmost precision. Positive adjectives laid on the tip of her tongue, while the negative ones remained unsaid. It was thousands of days ago. When she fell in love with Lena, the only thoughts running through her mind were hands-on-hips, lips-on-neck. Carnal odes lacking depth, lacking the intimacy of a deeper bond because they never let it be acknowledged.

"Young."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Beautiful, alluring. She still is, but her features were sharper, her eyes were even greener. There was this thing about her… I don't know, she was charming, ridiculously funny, too.”

"A good kisser?"

Kara smirked, biting into a cherry. "You have no idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a psychology/psychiatry expert, this is all I know from experience.
> 
> Shout-out to my mind-reading people out there. You do so much for this world, I'm thankful you exist!!


	5. Turnin' all around to be who you need me to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lena's quite unhibited and honest when she's drunk uh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw//
> 
> recreational drinking

It wasn't until two days later that she saw Lena again. 

Kara was checking her phone, desperately looking forward to an email giving her the green light to make an appearance at Lena's home, when a warm hand wrapped around the pale blue of her button up. The warmth emanating from it pierced through the layer of clothing and into her shoulder, causing Kara to immediately tense and halt on the soles of her boots. 

"I didn't mean to frighten you," Lena said.

Kara swallowed, her pulse point pumping. "It’s cool, Ms. Luthor, I shouldn't text and walk anyway." 

"I suppose not.”

"Yeah,” Kara sighed, watching her look away.

The ivory marble tiles seemed to have taken over Lena. Her emerald eyes followed invisible paths, like trying to connect ambiguous shapes from their vertices, mind overflowed by thoughts that had a start line but couldn’t reach a conclusion. She was chasing that sense of disappointment as she found nothing to appease her distraction.

Kara took the opportunity to observe her, take her in. It was the first time she had seen Lena since her epiphany. 

Her jet-black hair was loose, falling like a curtain down her shoulders and back. The sharp edges of her collarbones showed through the cleavage of her dress, allowing a limited glimpse of moles and freckles building constellations on her skin. Kara yearned to trace the smooth curve of her cheekbones, to trace the tips of her fingers across the delicate patch of blush. 

The dubious possibility of new feelings within her was disheartening. The nerves that constricted her ribs and cut off her breathing whenever Lena was around mixed with the breathtaking sight of her beauty was enough to make Kara shove her hands in her pockets to avoid doing something she would regret.

"I know your birthday was a few weeks ago and... here." 

Her fingers retracted upon Lena's electric touch, gulping as shaking hands managed to keep the metal case shoved into them.

"You didn't have-"

"I wanted to."

A wide smile lit up Kara's face when she saw what it was, she pursed her lips to stop the laughter from spilling. Her eyes crinkled, her inhibition went away when she noticed a small smile was also blooming on Lena's lips. 

"Does the pen collection still exists? This is my humble contribution."

"Actually, I haven’t think about it in years,” she confessed, “but I still use the other Caran d'Ache I bought in Geneva." Her excitement lost its luster for a moment, but she quickly regained her effusiveness. "Thank you." Kara looked at the enticing mole in her neck, a traitorous attempt to divert her attention from her lips.

Her heart was doing somersaults, breaking free and wreaking havoc. Kara was convinced she would burst into a pathetic fountain of tears as repercussion of all the emotions passing through Lena's face at that exact moment. The tenderness was as dangerous as it was addictive. A silent force pulled them close to the point they breathed the same air for a couple of seconds. 

Kara took a step back, latent confusion clouding her eyes. 

"Would you like to come to my house on Saturday night? I'm having a welcome party." 

"I thought that-“ Kara drew in a shaky breath-“yeah, sure, I'd love to."

"God knows I'm not tactful enough to develop social relationships, even when it comes to subordinates— I should stop calling them that," Lena said with a grimace, stroking the nape of her neck, "but my publicist thinks it's a good idea, so the healthiest thing is to go along with it, right? She knows what she's doing, I guess." 

The desire to touch Lena was bigger than her willpower. Kara didn't stop herself. When her hand reached her elbow, Lena froze, her eyes wide and bright.

"I also think it's a good idea. I'll be there."

The juxtaposition between this Lena and the Lena she encountered last month was almost as blinding as she being the one to invite her to the aforementioned party. 

Kara attempted guess after guess as to why Lena wouldn’t have had the grace to make her part of the guest list before, confident it was her unassailable prejudices holding her back. But having her a few feet away, dark eyebrows falling on dismayed eyes while waiting for an answer, Kara rushed to give her an affirmation. 

The sun rose and set four more times without a hitch. It wasn't until Nia was handling the GPS from the passenger seat, that Kara believed she had rushed into a decision. When Kara took a turn at West Point to Galices Hills, the steering wheel had abstract stains of sweat over it, small indentations in the shape of crescent moons scattered across the leather cover. 

Street lighting in Galices Hills was rather scarce for the heavy clouds blanketing the night. Downtown, the neon lights flashed with the endless joy of a weekend, but uphill everything was gloomy. The dreadful vibe didn’t ease the tension in her shoulders.

"You okay over there?" Nia asked.

"What? Just spaced out for a second.” Kara quirked an eyebrow, glancing through the panoramic glass. "Where exactly are we?

"Go straight ahead, we're three miles from the building."

Nodding, Kara landed a heavy foot on the pedal, the tires devouring the road in a hurry. When the building appeared before her eyes, a skyscraper with fragile glass walls, she slowed down and turned to look at her companion, who was pointing with a certain frenzy the perfect place to park.

The building looked as sophisticated on the inside as it did on the outside. The lobby was bathed in rich shades of black, gray and beige. The wall behind the counter was covered by a three-dimensional panel in a diamond pattern, while the remaining walls were smooth, shiny black tiles. In the middle of the room was a large glass table surrounded by four cashmere sofas that seemed extremely uncomfortable and expensive.

Charlie was walking to the elevator, too, and she laughed when she saw them. Kara could hear her and Nia whispering behind her, but she couldn’t focus enough to decipher what they were saying. 

"Looking good, Ms. Danvers."

Kara grumbled. There was a big chance the collar of her blouse was darker than the rest of the garment by now. Sweat spots probably stood out like islands on a map, even when the blouse was black. 

"Nervous?" Charlie muttered, looking at Kara's reflection in the mirror. "There’s word Ms. Luthor looks _smoking hot_ tonight.”

Her chest fell and rose with rapid breaths, she rolled her shoulders. "Your fiancée won't like to hear that," Cocky grin on her lips, Kara retorted.

"Word came from my fiancée.” 

“You smug little sh-“

The doors opened, immediately the thundering bass pierced her eardrums. Kara had to blink until she got used to the unbearable flashing lights. Walking out, they came across a corridor of baroque paintings and sculptures leading to the only door on the floor. It was open, some guests having already set their pace for the rest of the evening while drinking Irish beer straight from the cans. 

"Make me proud, tiger," Charlie said, patting her back before parting ways.

The living room was obnoxiously gigantic, currently occupied by dozens of unrecognizable bodies jumping and dancing to the beat of the music. 

There was a minibar on the left side, the stools huddled in a corner to make more room for the makeshift dance floor. 

One of the interns Kara remembered from the thirteenth floor came running towards them, an euphoric smile on his face as he lifted a bottle half-full of an amber liquid, offering them the beverage in a quiet gesture. Kara declined with a kind smile, but Nia accepted the drink before the boy stumbled away on his clumsy feet. 

"Sucks that you’re the designated driver, this thing slaps." 

"Nah, I’m not a whiskey fan anyway. That’s Alex’s thing." Kara shrugged.

"You could use some liquid courage tonight."

"It's just a party, what’s the worst that could happen?" 

After warning Nia not to mix drinks and to enjoy the night, Kara wandered like a lone wolf through the unfamiliar corners of the penthouse. She pumped fists with rows of still conscious coworkers, but the stifling heat emanating from the active bodies and the tremor of the music under the heel of her boots were exhausting. 

When she saw an armchair in one secluded room, she took a seat, crossing one leg over the other. Kara watched the guests for minutes that felt like hours, rejoicing in the furor of old hits playing on the sound system nowhere to be seen. 

Sore neck, she agreed to dance when the new girl from Fashion approached her with a hopeful grin. She was tall, and quite pretty. Her strawberry blonde hair was tied up in a high ponytail, Kara could smell traces of vanilla every time she reached back to draw her to her neck. Her hips moved to where Kara's hands would propel her.

"I had no idea you were such a good dancer," the girl said, voice hoarse.

"I like this song.”

They danced for three songs in a row, until Kara couldn't bear the invisible weight clinging to her shoulders. The feeling of being watched lasted until she pulled away from the girl. 

Lena was watching them. 

Burning, magnetic eyes narrowed, luring Kara in under the dim lights and the fog. She was leaning on an elbow while lifting the other, the same amber thing from before filling her glass. She didn't look down or away, her lips were pressed into a firm line. The poor guy who was talking to her seemed to regret his choices after realising he was being ignored. 

Kara let go of her dance partner's hip and hurried away without looking back, only stopping to get a bottle of water from the bar. Her skin felt humid from sweat, sticking to her clothes. 

She turned knob after knob until she finally found one that wasn't locked. A Persian rug stretched across the room, the four walls were shelves crammed with a wide range of books. In the far corner of the room, far from the door, a pianoforte stood next to a mahogany-colored reading chair. 

Kara closed the door behind her, her legs shaking with every step she took until she collapsed on the piano stool. The chandelier hovering above her was beautiful, with only fifteen bulbs and a bronze touch, the crystals produced a litmus effect on the room, locking Kara into a fairy tale scene. 

She bit her tongue, before releasing a bitter sigh. Why was there an itch in her throat? It's not like she was doing anything wrong, the pressure on her chest was trying to tell her otherwise.

After a brief survey, Kara discovered the piano was tuned and the pedal was in perfect condition. Her mind raced with the thought of Lena in that position, her eyes closed and her brow furrowed as she tried to remember pieces her grandfather had passed down to her. It was with that same expression that her fingers froze above black keys when a deep voice interrupted her. 

"I always suspected you were a Taylor Swift fan in secret," Lena's thick accent ricocheted, the scarlet vessels in her retinas highlighting the paleness of her eyes. 

If she wasn't drunk, she was pretty close. Kara feared Lena would lose her balance in the six steps it would take to reach the piano, but her strides were as poised as ever. 

In this light, she understood what Charlie and her fiancée were talking about. Lena was wearing a long-sleeved burgundy blouse with an inverted triangle-shaped opening that reached just above her bellybutton. The pale skin on her chest and stomach contrasted with the silky cloth. A leather skirt with a bow was wrapped around her wide hips and thighs, the hem was an inch of embroidered lace. Her hair was styled in a bun that could have been perfect in previous hours, but now loose strands of hair gave a tender touch to the hardness of her expression.

Kara’s mouth went dry, her heart ached in her rib cage with the longing to reach out and pull Lena close.

"Make no mistake, I'm out and proud," Kara said with a clever smile to hide the glazed look in her eyes, "I'm sorry, I shouldn’t be here.”

Lena laughed, dropping next to Kara into the stool. "You don't know how many times I've dreamed of hearing your voice again. I didn't know you could play the piano," she said, leaning slightly over Kara's shoulder.

Long, bony fingers traced the keys, not with enough force to produce a note. She was scowling, just as Kara had pictured it. 

"There are many things we don't know about each other, Ms. Luthor."

"Why do you always call me Ms. Luthor? 

"That's your name?" 

"Duh, but you used to call me Lena.” The petulance of her whine almost made Kara laugh. "I like it when you call me Lena, or love, but you call almost everyone that, so honestly I fucking _hate_ it. Did you call her love? The girl you were dancing with? You probably did." Her fingers ascended over Kara's hand, then her arm until they reached the hollow of her neck, right next to where the pendant was hanging on the inside of her shirt. "I do know a lot of things about you. I-I know," she hiccuped, "that you always get goosebumps when I touch you. That you don't talk much when you're nervous or the way you always, always _always_ kiss with your upper lip first.”

She managed to lean back before their lips touched, but the effect was the same. Waves of lighting bolts shook her entire body, making her shiver from head to toe just by knowing her lips smelled of cherry and liquor, a bittersweet combination. They would probably taste the same. 

"Lena, stop."

She made a second attempt, huffing as her target turned away from her again, and put the glass on the piano lid. 

Kara, meanwhile, almost fell flat on her face as she tried to escape the embrace. She wrapped her hand around her throat, feeling it was hard to breathe.

"I thought you wanted this," Lena mumbled.

She did, Kara hadn't stopped thinking about Lena's lips on hers again. But not this way. 

"Why don't you kiss me? I told you I've miss-“

"Don't you say another word." Kara pinched the bridge of her nose, a grunt escaping her lips. 

She couldn't look Lena in the eye, knowing she would lose all her resolution, lose the work she had done to keep things pleasant between the two of them. A thousand steps backwards for the few dozen they had already taken, but Lena was out of herself and Kara could not blame her for that. Still, her lips were tingling with the ghost of her kiss. 

Her integrity was challenged when flashbacks infested her mind, memories of that same cherry flavor mixed with vodka and cheap champagne. Her knees were buckling under her weight, but Kara was aware there was nothing to do, she had to be who Lena needed her to. The wisest option was to get her out of there and let her continue her night without disruptions, only hoping she would remember her actions in the morning as something positive, and that this mishap wouldn’t ruin the progress made. 


	6. You, whose heart would sing of anarchy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some revelations are coming up next

The joy after the party didn't seem to subside until a couple of weeks later, weeks that were quite unusual for Lena. Her popularity poll percentage among CatCo workers had increased by dozens of points, shooting up like a flare amid clouds of uncertainty, but not even the hustle and bustle and meetings that built up in her secretary's schedule failed to keep her immune to the sensation that something had happened, and she was yet to be made aware of what it was.

The uncomfortable tingle of doubt had haunted her for days, shamelessly breathing down her neck. No matter how many times Lena tried to go back and scrutiniz her steps and behaviour, she wasn’t able to find clues about that particular complication. 

Things went sideways and Lena was confronted with this insane theory when, out of nowhere, Kara's attitude towards her took a new turn. Lena wasn’t suspicious about the motives, but the new attitude became more noticeable as the days went by. She feared that, if she was losing her edge, Kara would target her newfound vulnerability and take advantage. 

Lena found it hard to imagine Kara could act as if the last months hadn’t happened at all. The contrast of personalities that fueled the paltry bickering between the two of them had diminished and there were no longer so many bumps or outbursts of irritability in the road—Lena had taken care of it when her mind came up with the intolerable, invasive idea of giving her that _cursed_ pen from that _cursed_ store in Geneva. There was still the bitter belief that the degree of rancour hidden under her skin and pulsing with the blazing blood in her veins, coupled with the coarse attitude, should also be expected from Kara.

But she always managed to turn things around and not be whatever thing Lena expected her to.

Therefore, when Lena noticed the relaxed semblance, instead of the usual clumsiness of her steps and the obfuscation of her words, she figured that _that_ sensation was immediately linked to Kara. Not a second was wasted by hesitation, she summoned her sly charms from deep inside her to try and discover what was going on. 

"City Council has granted permission, my secretary has already reached out to the people who will be setting up the stage," Lena said, twisting her chair with her heels. "I know, for a fact, PR’s teasing announcements about the artists confirmed. Still a few acts to score.” 

A confused grimace clung to Kara’s brow, she looked at Lena like if she had grown a third eye. “What are you talking about?” she asked. 

“Pride?”

She lifted both shoulders, lower lip sticking out as her eyes remained equally disoriented. 

"The concert we've been planning for the last two months?" 

"Shoot! Of course, I tend to forget some things," Kara exhaled, knuckles knocking on her skull. "I talked to Walter, as you forced me to. He said they already had a logistics operator on standby and something else I forgot, sorry.”

"I didn't force you to do anything.”

"You said, and I quote, 'go talk to Walter, or I will strangle you in the middle of your beauty sleep when you are most peaceful and helpless’.”

Spluttering, Lena took a sheet of paper and crumpled it up in her hands, twisting it until it became a ball that soon crashed into Kara's forehead.

"I _never_ said that!"

"But I’m thankful for your depraved scheme. We finally made up," she informed Lena, “and now we have Pudding Tuesdays. So, your vendetta kinda backfired." Kara cackled, shoulders shaking with the deep rumble of her chest. 

Lena shook her head, rolling her eyes and turning her attention back to the screen. "It wasn't vendetta, either." 

Feeling the strain of her cheeks puffing out, Kara smashed the edge of her pen against her lips. "I have the right to remain silent." 

"Please, don't let me get in your way," she said, flashing a narrow-mouthed smirk. 

Lena attempted to focus on the figures glaring from the screen, eyes flitting between colourful graphics and percentages, and Kara, who was sitting in the chair adjacent to hers on the other side of her desk, the leather tip of her shoe smacking into Lena's heels with every swift movement of her leg. 

"On the other hand..." Kara began. 

Lena's fingers halted abruptly on the touchpad, the cursor blinking next to the last sentence she had typed. Her hands began to sweat cold, that same feeling of doubt coming back at her more strongly than the previous times.

Kara's eyes didn't part from Lena, making it even more difficult for her to maintain her unyielding composure. Perhaps, she too had felt the radical change over recent events, and was as desperate to find the root of the spin in the axis of their relationship as Lena was. But, unlike her, Kara would have the audacity to mention the phenomena out loud. 

"Nia and Santiago are working on the articles for the pride segment for June's issue, most drafts are ready. James promised to flew in from Calvintown next weekend for the shoot," Kara said, flipping through the sheets of paper in her hands, then tapping them on the desk surface to straighten them out. "Santiago wishes to do your interview and mine, is that okay? 

The whirlwind in her chest slowed, hands loosening their grip on the armrest of the chair. "Of course, I'll talk to him and-" 

"Them," Kara interjected. 

"I'm sorry, I'll find them when the opportunity arises. I don't think I'll be around much for the next weeks, L-Corp is set to keep me busy." 

"Everything okay over there?" 

"Indeed. But, every summer we celebrate the launch of a new product. For some unprecedented reason, this year we're several steps behind and time is running out." 

"Do you think CatCo takes too much of your time?"

Lena shook her head. "Between us, running CatCo is a little less complicated than I had thought it would be and I'm very capable of handing both. Everyone here is cooperative and efficient, do you know how many people I've had to fire at L-Corp for breaching their confidentiality contract? or how many I've had to suspend for sabotaging projects for their colleagues?" she let out a heavy sigh, leaning back against the chair. 

"It's one of my favorite things about this place. I think my beef with Walter is the worst chaos Human Resources has faced in a long time."

Lena bit her tongue to avoid the smile that threatened to blossom on her lips, but the particular glow of the sun's rays hitting her face managed to contour the shadow of her dimples. "My duty here is to give the green light to future publications that have already been pre-approved by each department head, and then by you. It's not much of a difference I can make in the process." 

"Don't say that. We have taken many risks under your rule. Focus on politics and science? There is no one better than you to corroborate everything we publish. You once told me you've been reading AAAS' Science to sleep since you were, like, seven."

"Six years old," Lena corrected.

Kara gasped, fracturing the flow of concentration as she stopped to glance at her. "Six? Lena, has anyone ever told you that..." she approached, murmuring, "you might be a genius?

Hiding her face inside the nest of her cupped hands, Lena grunted, ignoring the childish laughter that swelled through the air and reached her ears. This time, Kara caught the paper ball before it reached its destination. 

"Mother Nature will be mad at you if you don't stop that."

"Stop being an arse, then."

Kara unfolded her legs and straightened the hump on her back, resting her elbows on the desk while her eyelashes slowly fell on her cheekbones, almost hypnotizing. _"Make me."_

Adrenaline travelled south from her body, Kara's heavy eyelids tormenting her. She screwed her eyes shut, clearing her throat. "Are you interested in science?" she asked, biting her thumbnail. 

"The Danv-my parents," Kara paled. "My parents, Eliza and Jeremiah, always tried to instill scientific methods in my sister and me. Shortly before I started journalism, I was sure I would study Marine biology." 

"What happened?" 

"A last minute hunch, I guess."

"I had no idea about that."

"There's a lot we don't know about each other," Kara replied, a secretive smile on her face.

Then, Lena remembered she was a woman on a mission, to extract vital information from Kara to put together pieces of the unfinished puzzle. She realised her purpose was eventually reversed, Kara taking control of the conversation. Her pulse was beating fast under the translucent skin of her neck, a fleeting memory of those same words raised alarm bells in the nebulosity of her mind. It was on the tip of her tongue, and she knew that Kara was aware of her utter confusion, but Lena didn't dare to give her the pleasure of acknowledging it.

The double sound of notification pulled her out of her self-absorption.

Kara slapped her thighs and stood up, eyes absorbed on the smart watch around her left wrist. "This conversation has been most exquisite, but I have an appointment with my therapist in less than half an hour, and traffic is a bitch in the afternoon."

Lena blinked. "Good luck."

"See you around?"

"If I work something out at L-Corp."

"Good luck to you too then, sweetheart."

Walking to the door, Kara turned around to give her a single-finger salute and a silly genuflection.

That night, after Lena said goodbye to her driver and then greeted her building's bellman, the couple of minutes it took the elevator to get to the penthouse seemed to stretch. She saw her eyebrows curl in the reflection of the mirror, but couldn't recall moving a muscle. 

It wasn't a bad thing, so to speak. The back and forth banter with Kara had filled her body with a lightness that she hadn't allowed herself to feel in years. She absorbed this new side with enthusiastic determination, but that didn't mean she didn't want to know how they ended up there.

It all started after the party, she was sure, so there had to be her answer. Lena was aware she was a fairly spontaneous drunk, envisioning what might have happened sent shivers down her spine. Maybe if she tried to sort out her few memories of that night, she could put together a bigger picture. But there wasn't much she could fence. There was a blank space in her mind beyond the lights and music she had never heard before. For some reason, the delicate whistle of a piano played in her mind like a loop.

She discarded her purse on the sofa in her living room, removing her heels and freeing the light roots from the ponytail. With the soft patter of her bare feet against the floor, Lena walked to the room next to her home office, but as she turned the knob and pushed her shoulder against the door, she found it was locked.

Lena hadn't found the time to read or play the piano in months, but her housekeeper hadn't asked her for the room keys either. When she retrieved them from her bedroom and opened the door, a citrus smell invaded her nostrils and the first thing she saw was an empty glass on the piano lid.

Had she been there the day of the party? Probably not, because the lid was up, and Lena would never do that. 

She went to check the security cameras, the footage from that night, to find out if anyone had transpassed. The idea of having a discussion with someone at CatCo gave her an unbearable headache, temples throbbing cruelly as she saw a black spot entering the room. With a determined stride and a bottle in hand, the figure collapsed on the piano chair. It was when they turned their head towards the door, eyes sparkling with desperate resolve, that Lena worked out to whom those beautiful features belonged.

_Kara._

It was Kara.

Kara, playing the pianoforte as if it was an extension of her hands. The slight tide of her torso, in the directions the waves of music were taking her, and her closed eyes brought a smile to Lena's face. Seeing how serene she looked even when she was in Lena's territory made her heart skip a beat.

Her bubble of tranquility pitifully burst the second she noticed someone else entering the room. She turned up the volume of the speakers, and bit the knuckle of her index finger, trying to drown out the howl of surprise that engulfed her vocal cords. Lena was pretty sure it was her, but her on-screen double was a polar opposite. She mumbled nonsense under her breath, her eyes wide and her heartbeat racing as if reacting to figments of a long-forgotten nightmare. "No, no, _no_."

When the screen projected Kara suddenly standing up and away from Lena, trying to put distance between them, she almost turned it off, but her masochism overtook her by torrential amounts.

She felt like an idiot, to see herself begging Kara for a fragment of her affection. The humiliation of confessing her longings and then being rejected stung like a thorn buried in her pride.

She assumed Kara was doing the right thing.

Is that why Kara had started calling her Lena, _and_ sweetheart?

Getting answers didn't make her feel any better at all, if anything, her stubbornness ended up playing tricks on her. But, on the other hand, she was grateful that it was Kara who had been there for her. She always seemed to be, back then and now. Her constant use of her heart on her sleeve was something Lena would cherish for life, for she had never known a better love than the one Kara offered. 

Panic began to sow seeds when Lena begged Sam to pick up the phone after the fourth attempt. 

_"Hey, I'm sorry. It was Ruby's bedtime,"_ Sam replied, voice hoarse as if she was falling asleep too.

"When are you guys coming?"

_"We said mid-June, you okay? you sound weird."_

"I am, I just really need to see you," Lena let out a shaky sigh, "remember when you asked if I was interested in someone from CatCo? Well, I think I am, and I think I screwed up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guysss, happy October!!


	7. Overanalyse again, would it really kill you if we kissed?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well, apparently this is where the rollercoaster starts

The gravel that bounced and slid into the soles of her shoes burned like boiling charcoal, tiny stones punctured her numb feet with fervent rancor as her calves complained with every stride. Sweat dampened her back and flushed chest, the drops of salt water spilling from the curve of her ears to the tendons of her neck a crisp caress when a blizzard shook the dense fields of suffocated grass that sporadically stippled her path. The morning sun was set, embracing the mountains to such an extent, a gasp in the wrong direction could incinerate acres of green. 

The last few miles were the hardest for Kara. An adrenaline rush in disguise installed an almost inhuman speed in her legs as she descended the rigorous peaks of the National City mountains. She loved the vigor, feeling that her heart could burst at any second added to the vibrancy of her morning workout. 

Flat earth greeted her with a wave of sand, a mantle of saturated red adhered to the moisture of bare arms. Kara tried to cover her eyes, dry from the mineral particles, but she had to guess the way to her car parked a few steps away. 

Intense pain invaded her as she fastened the seat belt, her hands went to the back of her neck, small needles prickling at the same time that a phantasmagoric pressure like the one before the birth of a hematoma caused sudden spasms in her shoulder blades. Her jaw stayed shut, taut with the rush. 

Kara backed her car out of the improvised lot, startled when the mechanical beep of an incoming call interrupted the chords of her own music. 

"Rise and shine," Kara said, a playful tilt to her voice. Her nephew's sobs filled the car, laughter rising in her throat like carbonated bubbles when they were followed by a deep sigh from her sister. "Is your day off treating you well?"

_"It's been two hours of wails and it's barely seven in the morning,"_ Alex said, her voice wobbly, the signs of a sympathetic cry. 

"Is Kelly around? Maybe he's hungry."

_"No, she had a meeting early morning,"_ she conceded, _"I doubt it's hunger, Kelly fed him before leaving, and I tried to give him a bottle a few minutes ago.”_

"Did you burp him?

_"Yes.”_

"Did you change his diaper?

_"Done.”_

"Did you try Paw Patrol? We're currently obsessed with Skye." 

_"It pains me to let you know that didn't work."_

"It didn't? That's we-" her foot landed on the brake pedal, gravity pulling her body toward the wheel despite the safety of the belt.

The unkempt grass that was smoothing the path had hidden the SUV parked on the curb, appearing in the windscreen mere seconds before it was too late. The steering wheel turned, tires slipping out of its lane as Kara gained speed again, one hand tight around the gearshift. The windows of the car were tinted, the dark colour covering them matching the glossy black of the paint. She couldn't make out its driver's face, but wished they could see the fury on her face.

_"Kara? You okay?"_ Alex's voice brought her back into the conversation.

"Yes. Just some dumbass who has no idea where you should never park. These days, driver's licenses are the free prizes on kids' cereal boxes, I'm afraid."

_"You sound an awful lot like Mom."_

"Well, she's never wrong," Kara said, eyes glued to the rearview mirror. The SUV had started up again. "About Jeremiah, I think you've got a severe case of missing Mommy on your hands."

Alex was slow to answer. The squealing piercing the speaker had subsided, and Kara could only hear quiet whimpers in intervals of twenty seconds each. _"I don't want to jinx it, but I think I have everything under control."_

"I was rotting for you."

_"Kid has lungs, jeez."_

Kara checked the side mirror before exiting the park. There was no longer trace of the black car, nor of the throbbing pain that had assailed her minutes earlier. Her sudden paranoia melted away, spilling through the cracks in the car to leave an oily trail of concern on the road. 

_"Hey, Kelly told me something about a concert and to let you know we'll be there. What's that about?"_ Alex asked.

"A benefit concert we're planning for parade night. There's promo everywhere, Alex, check the news."

_"We as in your boss and-"_

Kara rolled her eyes, thankful that her sister could not see her and scold her for doing so. "We as in the _company_ I work for."

_"How's that going?"_

"Peachy. Organization was incredibly easy, although a little hasty, if we consider that Lena came to me with the idea two months ago. It's amazing how quickly she can put events together, it's like a gift or something," Kara confessed, her thumb pushing open the cap of her bottle.

_"I meant you and Lena, we haven't had the chance to talk about what happened the night of the party."_

"Oh, that," she snorted, turning on the turn signals before getting on the highway. "If I'm completely honest, I have no idea what's going on."

_"That pretty much sums you up."_

"No. I mean, she's... she's very nice. I can't remember the last time she complained about the shade of red of my permanent marker, or how crooked the circles look when I point out misspellings. It's weird."

_"Perhaps she realized she was being a stuck-up bitch without you deserving it."_

"She may have her reasons." Kara rushed to defend her. "Thing is, she's nice _now_ , Alex. One day she hated me, the next day she tried to kiss me, and the next thing I know, we have a quasi-friendship. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

_"Yeah, it sounds healthy."_

"I'm aware, thanks," Kara said. The roundabout and the bridges led to Hope Street, low buildings giving way to the parking lot. "It's exhausting, waiting for something bad to happen, you know.

_"And you keep waiting because...?"_

The car came to a halt between the yellow lines that delimited its required space, and she pressed the button to turn off the system. Kara leaned back on the seat, warm breeze escaping through the small crack in her lips. 

"I still have feelings for her, I don't think they ever left. There was no closure. I was stuck in these feelings for months, and the chance to release them never came because Lena was gone. Now she's back, and suddenly it's like she's awakened a titan within me who's been hibernating for years."

_"I don't want you to get hurt."_

"Give me some credit, my skin is thicker than you think it is."

For Kara, there was a limited quota of months she could enjoy without feeling guilty in the process. The downpour of guilt would depart and let her feel unadulterated joy for a few days. June was one of those months she was happy to see coming up on the calendar. 

Memories of that month seemed to provide her with an unique kind of emotion that rarely sheltered her, a way of seeing the world through a non-polluted lens without making too many demands on herself. June meant freedom and pride, loving and being loved. Reminiscing all the tears and sweat that brought a synonym of tranquility to the community.

Unfortunately, Kara couldn't devote to Pride Month. Focus at work used to be on the federal celebration of the independence of a nation that never belonged to her. The days when she was allowed to forget the harsh realities behind the celebration, and in fact, celebrate, were days marked with a cross in the depths of her memory.

Streamers and banners ornamented the long corridors of CatCo. A kaleidoscope of colours portrayed the happiness that buzzed in Kara from head to toe, reflected in a silly smile that rose around the paper straw of her slurpee. The following weeks, her colleagues who were out would take the spotlight, the main event. It was contagious, the simple lightness. Even those who were reluctant left their prejudices at home and abandoned the selfish grudge that characterized them. 

"Kara!" Nia called, running up to her. Kara swore as chunks of blue ice fell on the charcoal of her shirt. Nia caught up with her, panting after the short distance between her desk and Kara's office door. Kara noticed the glow in her eyes, the same frenzy she had seen this morning in the bathroom mirror. "Happy pride!"

"Ditto," Kara said, turning the doorknob to let her in, greeting her assistant on the way. "Have you seen Santiago today?" 

"Yes, they came here early. I think they're in Ms. Luthor's office, finishing the interview or something."

"Great. James will be here later in the day and-" Kara stopped, "have you seen my pen? Here it is, thank you. I need you to tell them to come to my office as soon as they're done. The final draft has to be perfect before sending it to Design."

"Aye, anything else?"

"Have you asked Brainy if he'll be attending the concert?"

Nia nodded, discarding the damp wipe Kara gave her after wiping the blue flecks from her shirt. "Yup, he's coming."

"Well, then it's settled," Kara said, slamming her hands on the table. "Wait, Kelly and Alex are going too. Does that mean I'll be fifth-wheeling the entire evening?"

"I have a slight inclination that Ms. Luthor wouldn't mind being your date."

"You're a pain in the ass, get back to work." Kara flipped her off, the obnoxious tinkle of laughter traveling to her ears from the distance.

Kara removed her suit jacket and placed it on the empty coat rack in the corner of the room. Sleeves folded to the crook of her elbow, she sat back in her chair and turned on her computer monitor.

The articles had gone well, much better than expected. Nia and Santiago had done an outstanding work and managed to capture the essence of their coworkers. She had to make a few small changes to their prose, polishing it to meet some criteria, but the intent of their words was as enthusiastic and poetic as Kara's was in her first articles, when she was a wide-eyed rookie trying to make her way in an unforgiving industry.

All that was missing was Lena's piece, which for some reason, Kara had not been allowed to read yet. Santiago had made an appointment with her assistant for the interview days before, and she was sure they had done the same with Lena, but the file predestined to her contribution remained empty.

"Madeline," Kara called, "can you come in for a sec?”

Her ears protested at the discouraging squeak of metal scraping the floor, but she recovered when her assistant appeared in the doorway. Madeline staggered before walking in, staring at Kara's face.

"You're wearing glasses today," she muttered, tanned fingers tangled together on her lap.

"I got sand in my eyes this morning while I was running, and I can't have bloodshot eyes for the photo shoot," she explained, raising one eyebrow nimbly. "Do I look good?"

"Yup."

"Thank you."

"Can I help you with something?" Madeline asked, avoiding Kara.

"Can you please let me know when Mr. Olsen is here? There are a few things I need to discuss with him, but I have to do something first."

"Of course, Ms. Danvers."

With the slurpee cup half full in her hands, Kara left her office again, engrossed on the rhythmic tapping of her shoes on the floor. Her eyes rose as she passed through the glass doors that enclosed the space constituting her boss' throne, a playful smile drawing on her lips as Lena quirked an eyebrow in her direction.

To her satisfaction, the elevator was empty when she went to ride it. As she stepped off it, Kara took a right turn and crossed the lobby, looking over her shoulder as she slipped to the emergency exit. The heavy steel door creaked under her weight, closing again at a slow pace as Kara let go of the long metal bar that acted as a doorknob. 

She studied the rows of industrial garbage bins, one after the other without leaving any space between them. Contrary to what had been agreed upon, her source wasn't there waiting for her. It was messing up her schedule. She paced, wearing holes in the soles of her shoes against the cruel asphalt, hoping that someone would finally show up. Her teeth were clenched, and she was about to blow an innocent fist into one of the garbage cans when she saw the shadow of a sturdy figure approaching her. She threw the plastic cup into the garbage and stalked up to him.

"I'm not paying you to waste my damn time," Kara spat.

"Try saying that when it's your life on the line." 

"Try saying no to the money, then. But I'm not here to discuss morality, what do you have?"

The man lowered the visor of the cap he was wearing over his eyes, shoulders slumped as his hands reached into the worn pockets of his vest. "Do you remember the bank accounts I mentioned?" he asked, continuing as Kara nodded. "One of them is from Starling City. Two weeks ago there was movement, I don't know the exact amount of the deposit, but the trail led me back to one of AmerTek's ghost accounts."

"Do you have any leads on its owner?"

"Nothing. The transactions are protected."

"Could it be money laundering?"

"That's what I thought, but it's a weapons manufacturing company that has no branches in other industry sectors. Unless they are government-banned weapons, or they are trying their hand at the illegal sale of components and ammo..."

"Anything else?"

"Not this time."

Kara pulled a envelope from her trouser pocket and placed it in the man's impatient hands. "You know where to find me," she said and turned around.

Suspicion swung like a pendulum in the back of her mind. Kara had had more than three meetings with this useless subject in less than two months, and they usually took her to the same place. _Nowhere._

He always came to her with the same updates. An anonymous bank account here, faceless and nameless people there. But it was impossible for her to find a source bold enought to bring intel that would bear fruit. The months she had been stuck in the same place were sinking her underwater. Something was happening, but _what._ It slipped through her fingers like the smoke from a candle that a whirlwind blew out. 

Lips pressed tight, Kara returned to the building. The yellow light bulbs were ample relief for the latent headache that was beginning to grow in the back of her skull. Her index finger stabbed the button on the elevator panel while she pulled the end of the tie with the other, tightening it around her throat as the slight tension acted as a pole to earth.

"I don't think the elevator is to blame." A deep voice behind her announced. Kara spun quickly on her heels, a mischievous grin painting her lips.

"Maybe it is," she said, "James Olsen in the flesh. I thought I'd never see the day."

"When a friend is in a rush..."

"it's good to see you. Sometimes I miss your presence."

"Just my presence, huh? I hear you already have a new favourite boss." His right elbow rose and brushed against Kara's torso.

"It's the third time I've heard something like that in the same day and I haven't even had lunch. Am I that obvious?" Pale eyebrow raised, Kara turned her head to level her friend's dark eyes. 

"I had an inkling when I saw you both talk. You are missing the neon sign over your head saying _I have the hots for my boss_." 

They walked out of the elevator at the same time. One with a sly smile, while the other shook her head in disdain. Kara really wasn't that obvious, was she?

James was giving her a heads-up on the evolution of Calvintown's newspaper. It was a complicated process, but if there was anyone with the patience to wait until the roots began to bloom, it would be him. She was happy for him, James looked serene and focused and the uncertainty from the days before he decided to change cities was gone. Kara missed him, after all, he was part of the confined group of people to whom she would trust without fear the secret of having committed a murder, yet she understood that this new stage was something he needed to push him forward. 

"As long as she doesn't realize it."

'As long as who doesn't realize what?" Lena's voice jumped out of the crowd.

"Dear Rao, Lena, you must stop doing that," Kara hissed, a hand going to her chest.

"Where's the fun in that?" A raptured blow took hold of her extremities as Lena stealthily touched the palm of her hand to her stomach before crashing it into James'. "Mr. Olsen, I'm glad you could make it after such an abrupt call."

There was no way Kara could have realized that James was mocking her inability to pose for a photo shoot. Her gaze belonged to Lena's attractive frame, her defined jaw and the lively forest that lived in her eyes. The tingling conditioned to be present when Lena was around spilled over her fingers, numbing her phalanges with the hunger to reach out and fix the lock of shiny hair that escaped her hairdo.

"I swear, the moment she sees a camera, the sign peace comes out." James laughed.

"Well, there is some gay in me. That's what you get," Kara replied, jutting her chin out and jabbing a ruthless finger into James' shoulder.

"I hope you do better today," he said, his thumb fidgeting with the strap hanging from his shoulder. "I'll go check out the studio, see you later."

Kara watched him leave, seing him dissapear through a dark hallway. "Have you finished the article yet?" she asked.

"We did. I think Santiago left the draft with your assistant."

Kara darted out her tongue to moisten her lips, reluctantly withdrawing her gaze from the inhabited desks and laid it on Lena. Her fingers were intertwined, the gleam of her rings standing out as she twisted them.

"Nervous?" Kara wondered.

"People suspect that I fancy women. But this is the first time they will hear it coming from my lips. The possible backlash has given me multiple headaches already, and the article hasn't even been released to the public." She opened her fists and closed them again in one quick motion.

"Screw what people thinks."

"With a name like mine, it's not something I can afford."

"This is your life, your truth. It's only fair that you stop hiding secrets for the sake of your family. You've already done more than enough for them. " Kara looked down at the floor. "Either way, you know you can step back if you want to. No one will say anything if you don't feel ready yet."

Hours later, when dusk bled into late night, the studio was set up and they were ready to start. A beauty team had been hired, two girls and a guy who was experimenting with Nia's hair were part of the count of bodies occupying the small room. Lighting and air conditioning were two advantages, but compared to the hustle and bustle and the roar of the music, it wasn't enough for her altered senses.

She had to flee the room, wandering around while taking deeps breaths of fresh air. It would take James quite a while to finish the individual shots, and Kara was in the far end of the list, by her own choice, so she didn't rush back in. 

Kara noticed the parade of people coming and going through the glass door. Dozens of props of all colors and shapes permeating the halls. She saw Charlie and her fiancée dressed in twin hats and a flag in shades of pink, orange and white tied around their necks like a cape. Meanwhile, a yellow sock and a purple one adorned Santiago's calves, along with black pants and a plain white T-shirt. The ghost of a smile grace Kara's face as she took in the positive energy emanating from each one of them.

"I know you're hiding, but James is asking for a group take," Nia said, reaching out for her hand so she could guide her back into the room. "The makeup artist is in the bathroom waiting for you, and I tried but the stylist can't move all the equipment over there."

Kara let out the breath she was holding. "Thank you."

"Hurry up, comrade," Nia ordered, patting her back twice before returning to her chair. 

Kara crossed the threshold and adjusted the door behind her, leaving it ajar to let air in. As Nia had warned, the woman she had seen a few hours earlier hovering over someone else's head, brushes and glitter stains on her hands, was leaning over the granite countertop. A folding chair faced the long mirror, and Kara walked over to it, placing her hands on the backrest.

"You don't like noise?" 

"I'm not a big fan. Sorry to bother you." Kara grimaced.

"It's not a bother at all, it happens more often than you think." She assured her with a friendly smile. "There's the robe. You can keep the shirt on if you want, but I would recommend otherwise because the collar is high and the robe doesn't cover that far." The lady turned her back to Kara, giving her privacy, and began pulling items out of a portable makeup case. 

She took the thin gray robe that was hanging from the hand towel ring, undoing the row of buttons on her shirt with the fingers of one hand, avoiding tangling the pendant with the fabric when she reached the last one. The breath of cold air that escaped through the slit in the door made her skin bristle like fingers grazing lower abdomen. Kara was sliding the garment off her shoulders when the door burst open, almost crashing into her face.

"Have those always been there?"Lena asked when she saw the skin that the shirt no longer covered.

She hurried to put on the robe, cheeks aflame as she tied the knot at the height of her hips. Kara swallowed and then nodded, then shook her head. "For a few years now."

"I have missed a lot," she whispered as she passed by. "Nice to meet you, I'm Lena Luthor. Thank you for taking part in this mayhem."

"As I said before, it's no bother." She lifted her shoulders. "If anything, the pleasure is mine." Her gray eyes stopped on Kara, who approached her with cautious steps, as if she were heading into a dead end trap. 

Mouth dry, she took a seat and clenched her fists on her thighs. Her senses were set on fire since she went down to meet her source, her nerves waiting for the go in the start lin. The unknown faces sent electric shocks to her metal shell with every vibration of the clock. Kara stared at the mirror, her reflection quickly becoming a strange silhouette. Voices seemed to drift away to nothing with the lightheadedness, and she lost the thread of conversation emerging behind her shoulders. Her soul almost left her body when a hand clung to her arm, making her jump some few inches from the chair. 

"Are you ready?"

Kara settled down again on the chair, glancing at the endless variety of beauty products that were taking over the table. She had no idea what half of them were. 

Grateful when the waves of cold wind stopped the flow of sweat that threatened to complicate the woman's work, she asked, "excuse me, what is your name?"

"Andrea," she said, pointing the light of the ring at Kara's face.

"That's a pretty name." Kara snorted, an ironic laugh echoing from the small room. She could hear Lena, sitting on a black leather ottoman, stirring. 

"Do you wear makeup often?"

"Not really, I'm kind of an idiot when it comes to it." 

"It shows, not the idiot part, tho." The delicate brush strokes made Kara's eyelids flutter. "Your eyes are beautiful, they bring out the cute tan of your skin, has someone told you that?"

"Not exactly that way."

"Are blue eyes common in your family?"

"I got them from my Dad, or at least that's what they told me. I only remember the hazelnut green of Mom's eyes,” she mused, stretching her neck to make Andrea's job easier.

"They fit you."

"Will you take much longer? I really want to get this over with." Lena piped in, and appeared like a vision through Kara's narrow periphery, the silver lines of her faded scar sticking out as her eyebrows arched.

"No, Ms. Luthor. She's almost ready." 

"Perfect." She said, nostrils flaring with every breath.

The unpleasant display of arrogance took Kara by surprise. She had never seen Lena behave that way before. Under no circumstances. Much less when it came to someone who was a total stranger to her. She usually tried to turn her porcelain cheeks and be judged by how bright the gleam she would dazzle them with could be. The bitter aftertaste that bound her iron chains across her chest and oppressed as a reminder of who she should be didn't let her act any other way.

After the final touches, Kara's compressed muscles stretched with a grateful shriek as she stood up from the uncomfortable chair. She thanked Andrea before going in search of the set of clothes intended for her, not worrying about glaring at Lena, knowing that finding the permanent grimace on her face would also deplete the small reserve of energy she had managed to hoard while getting her makeup done. 

The suit reserved for the occasion was hanging, fresh from the dry cleaner's. A cotton garment cover protected it against the intrusive dust particles that rose and danced like feathers in the dense air when Kara opened the zipper. The indigo of the linen suit slipped through her fingers, eyes shining with wonder as she looked at the material on her palms. The lapels descended to the middle of her torso, giving way to a line of three blue buttons that easily disappeared from view. The dress shirt was smooth and made of cotton the color of snow. 

At the sound of someone knocking on the door, Kara was finishing adjusting the cufflinks on her sleeves, the same pattern of pink, yellow and blue stripes that shared the bowtie she still had in her hands.

"Do you need help?" Lena asked, standing in front of Kara.

"Do you know how to tie a bow?"

"I've had years of practice." Her breath hit Kara's throat as she reached over to button up her shirt.

Lena's fingers were nimble as they encircled her neck with the fabric, proof that, in fact, the years of practice had not been just a fleeting commentary. She crossed end over end, flipping one side over the shoulder and holding the shape with one hand while the other retrieved the longer end and looped it over the neck hole. Lena gently tugged at the folded ends for a comfortable fit. By the time she slid her hands across Kara's chest to make sure both sides were even, Kara was about to fade into her touch.

"There you go," Lena said, "don't forget the handkerchief."

"You look good," Kara confessed.

"So do you. Now let's go, they're waiting for us." 

It took them long minutes, everyone was scattered in every imaginable corner of the room, but with the stentorious sound of James' voice, they managed to settle in and get started. They were rowdy, and Kara's shoulders were already sore from the multiple times she had to carry someone, but her cheeks were also sore from all the smiling. The quick dynamics and the explosion of energy had made her forget the stress of the long day. 

The knot Lena had tied was beginning to lose its rigid fit, and golden curls were tangled on her sides with the abrupt movements the shoot demanded. 

"You look terribly handsome," the guy who was fixing locks of hair told her. 

Kara pulled the lapels of her jacket, her laughter echoing down the hall. "You guys did the job."

"There is no art without a muse."

She returned to the center of the room where the cameras were still working. Some shots were taken of groups of no more than five people, others were individual takes, then couples -Charlie and her fiancée made that part adorable- and finally, the group shot that would be the cover of the magazine.

Thanks to Kara, her individual photos took up more time than any other.

"Do something, anything. But don't just stand there," James begged, his voice full of amused exasperation.

Someone handed her a small flag tied to a stick with the purpose of keeping her company, but Kara focused on the object as if it were corrosive. "This is awkward." Her eyes wandered until they stopped on Lena, who sneaked a thumb up and offered her a smile. 

"Kara, you're lucky to have the face you have because you're really making this difficult," Nia said.

The cold rush of the air conditioning permeated her as she inhaled and squared her shoulders. Her photogenic ineptitude was an issue, many had already gone through this and conquered in less than twenty minutes, but James had been waiting a quarter of an hour for Kara to strike the first pose of the night. She had never had a problem with cameras before, the pictures were not exceptional, but she didn’t use to freeze at the sight of a lens. As she straightened her back and shoved her hands into the trousers pockets, laughing when Nia and Santiago cheered, Kara thought this time would be no exception.

After that mishap, it was easy. Her limbs followed expert directions and it only became uncomfortable again when someone suggested she held the flag between her teeth, but Kara nodded and set about doing so, undoing the buttons of her jacket and loosening the knot of her bow tie to add an air of relaxation to the sophisticated atmosphere. 

When James warned her that no more pictures would be needed and asked Nia to take her place, her stomach roared. Making a decision, Kara let everyone know she would be back with midnight snacks. 

"I'll go with you," Lena demanded, walking underneath the arch that her arm formed as it connected with the door.

Curious glances burned her back, but Kara ignored them and closed the door behind her, taking long steps to reach Lena, who was already waiting for her at the elevator door. 

"Your car or mine?" Kara asked as they reached the underground parking garage.

"Yours, my driver has mine. But I'm driving, I still don't trust you behind the wheel."

"Okay, the streets in Geneva are _tiny_. It wasn't my fault," she countered, buckling up before looking at her with her eyes narrowed. Lena turned the system on, the mocking nature of her expression coaxing a grunt from Kara. "It really wasn't my fault. You're a very distracting passenger." 

"Whatever you want to believe works for me."

"You're annoying."

"But at least I can drive."

Kara remembered the SUV in the hills that morning, but shook her head to get rid of the memory before it could sow uncertainty in her mind again. "Do you know where Noonan's is? It's open this late.” Eyes shut, Kara crossed her arms over her chest but realised the seat was adjusted to fit Nia’s legs, which were considerably shorter than her own.  
  
  


The clock on the screen struck twenty minutes past midnight and the ride took no more than half of the time, as traffic in downtown was reduced in torrential amounts, even more so on a weekday. Kara rushed to get out of the car as soon as Lena parked in one of the squares closest to the door, but she also got out the next second, frustrating her intentions. 

A young woman with blue hair and heavy eyelids attended them when they found a table, the notepad in her hands was shaking, probably from the gallons of coffee that were holding her up. She smiled as she noticed the distinctive colours of Kara's clothes, but refrained from mentioning anything about it. "Welcome to Noonan's, how can I help you?"

"Hi, how are you? We'd like to take, wait, it's a bit of a long list," she laughed, stretching her fingers, "one vanilla latte with no sugars, one lavender tea, four iced vanilla lattes with soy milk, two blacks with a shot of espresso, one caramel frapuccino with whole milk and whipped cream, and two iced matcha teas. All medium and to go, please," Kara sighed, placing her hands back on the table.

"How can you remember all that?" Lena asked, hiding her charmed surprise behind curiosity. 

"I tend to pay a lot of attention to unusual details and storage them.” She shrugged, turning to face the waitress. "I forgot to ask the makeup team what they wanted, but I think three black coffees will do, I'll fix them over there. Also, can we get fifteen flat waffles?"

"That’s a big brain you’ve got," the woman said, prolonging her eye contact. "This will take a while, do you want something to eat while you wait?“

Kara turned to Lena once again, the fabric of her pants brushing against bare legs, as she glared at the waitress with an indecipherable expression.

"An oat milk latte with a shot of rum. No sugar, please."

"And you?"

"A strawberry milkshake. Do you have sprinkles? I love those."

She looked over her shoulder to the kitchen and nodded. "I think so. Chocolate or caramel? Cherries?

"Cherries."

"For you, I could sneak some extra ones," the waitress winked, the tip of her pen tapping on Kara's fingers.

"Then I'd say you're very kind, love," she said with a smirk, resting her elbows on the table as she raised her eyebrows and leaned into her. 

"I'll be back in a minute with your order.”

Kara watched her leave and disappear through a low wooden door that opened before her and gave way to what she had assumed to be the kitchen. The dinner was almost empty, only a guy with shrugged shoulders and hunched back occupied one of the farthest tables, eyes zoomed through the crystal glasses attached to the computer screen

"Do you think it's a rule to flirt with customers?" Lena wondered, one hand holding her elbow while the fingers of the other pulled at her earring. Her lips were pursed, the dark green illuminated by the lights was threatening. "You are both sides of a candid coin. An hour ago you almost combusted when someone told you you have nice eyes, and now you're ready to U-Haul because she offered you some sprinkles and an extra cherry?”

The same bitter expression that years ago was reflected on Kara’s face whenever she saw a younger version of Lena replace her with anyone else who crossed her path was souring the delicate features of the woman sitting across from her. Kara once became familiar with the allegorical shadows that hovered over Lena, the irremediable fear of being abandoned by someone she always had on a pedestal. The origin of their relationship never had a fixed symbolic meaning, so she had to turn to the encyclopedia that was Lena to understand what was in her mind. Kara still considered herself an expert in the field. Even years later.

She was tired of hiding, sick and full of pride. Tired of waiting for a sign. And so she let Lena know.

"You know I still have feelings for you, right?" Kara blurted out, blanching as Lena stopped to look at her with her crimson lips parted. "You must know, everyone does. Having you back is amazing. Even when you make it a little impossible, there's a part of me that would endure it all again if it meant you'd be in my life. But sometimes you behave in the strangest ways and, for weeks, I've struggled to understand the origin of all your sides.”

"What are you talking about?"

"I think you know."

Lena shut her eyes, dragging her hands across her tired face. "Kara... you can't do this, especially not in a fucking diner at almost one in the morning."

"I'm not asking anything from you. I never did and I never will, but I needed you to know that.”

Moments later, Kara finished inhaling her shake and Lena finished drinking her coffee. The tinkle of a bell sounded like a call of grace and her strides to the bar were hurried, the paper bags with their order waiting for them. 

"They're my employees," Lena refuted as Kara tried to prevent her from handing the card to the woman at the checkout.

"Yes, but I had the idea of ordering food for them."

"How about you pay for yours and I'll pay for the rest?"

"Such a gentlewoman, but no— hey!" she shouted, realising Lena had managed to slide the plastic square through the dataphone.

"This is my charity act for tonight. The rest will be yours.”

Kara took the bags and thanked the waitress with a dry nod of her head. She turned around and started walking to the door, not before turning to watch Lena, who was standing next to a glass jar, hesitating before leaving a bill as a tip to the woman who had been flirting with Kara.

National City was eerily quiet in the road back to CatCo.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a long chapter because I left you stranded last weekend and I really am sorry, hope you enjoy!!


	8. Universally speaking, I win in the long run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kara is halfway in love and lena... she's trying to figure things out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally introducing some of my favourite characters!!!

High street lamps stood in the wide expanse of the highway, disappearing one after another to give way to identical light poles stretching out over the horizon to frame the dazzling sun.

Her leg came to life. Bouncing at a swift pace disposed not to stop no matter how hard she tried to hold her heels to the ground with iron chains and the voracious weight of bricks. 

"Quit it, you're making me nervous," Alex said, the muscles in her neck tightening as she faced Kara.

"I’m nervous, but you have no reason to be nervous.”

"I'll have a reason to be nervous if you don't stop that.” She leaned across her seat, pulling the lever in the glove compartment. "Here. Kelly bought it as a joke, but it’s worked wonders."

The smiley face looking back at her distorted into a horrifying grimace as Kara added pressure to the stress ball, marks drawing around the areas where it lost its natural shape.

"Say the word and I’ll take the next interchange to take you home," Alex offered, placing one hand on her thigh. "But we've done Pride for years and you never broke a sweat over it.”

Kara shook her head, golden curls escaped her cap and spilled over her back. "It’s a big night for CatCo," she confessed.

In fact, she knew the concert represented an essential milestone in the history of the company to which she had been faithful for most part of a decade, but the nexus of her nervousness laid in Lena. Kara had seen her commitment with the whole organization and sponsorship of the concert, the passion with which she had demanded of all parties involved that they made the event as perfect and inclusive as possible. 

Kara knew that, even though it was impossible to decipher in the smooth lines on her face, Lena was begging for no adversity to be born today. She constantly gave her best to the public, polishing like trophies all the good things she had done in the mission to clean up the mud that trampled on her last name.

Her strain sprouted in sympathy with Lena's uncertainty, and not being able to look her in the eye without feeling ashamed of her abrupt confession days before, made it difficult for Kara to assure her that things would turn out well.

"You've worked your ass off for this, I'm sure it’s gonna go great.”

"I think so too... but Lena-"

"You're still avoiding her?"

"I'm not. I just told her I still liked her and she stared at me like I had grown a third eye. That was awkward.” She pursed her lips and threw her hands in the air. "Besides, we've only seen each other once since that night.”

"Yikes," Alex muttered.

"She’s under no circumstances bound to reciprocate my feelings.”

"She’s not, you're right. But it's not the first time she's left you stranded. Why do you always try to defend her?”

For Kara, the day she, in a purely coincidental situation, met Lena on one of the ski lifts that would take them to the crown of the mighty Swiss Alps, an invisible thread grew like ivy that with its roots cracked the walls of her chest and ripped famished for intertwining with Lena's essence. Even if at the time the skiing equipment forbade her to see who it was under the thick layers of cloth, Kara felt the same chanting turning inside her stomach and pulling her towards Lena when she saw her again at a party, missing the goggles and the mask. And years later, when she saw her coming down from the elevator next to Nia. 

Since then, and in spite of everything, there hadn’t been a day that she wasn’t tied to Lena. Not even unveiling the frightening truth, that she wasn’t a random civilian but Lena Luthor, the quintessential heiress of the American diplomatic dynasty, managed to dissuade her charm. She had been bewitched. Body and soul. 

"She has treated you like garbage from day one and you still chase her around like a dog does its master. The Luthors have screwed you over enough for you to-"

"Shut up," Kara spat, eyes flinty as the swollen vein in her neck throbbed. "Don't bring them into this. This is about Lena."

"She's one of them.”

"Lena is different. Don't you dare mix her with those people.”

Alex's sarcastic snort echoed like sharp nails crawling on a chalkboard, fury sailing through her blood vessels with a glass edge. The ball in her hands was almost a flat sphere by now. Kara gulped, her lips a flat, almost invisible line on her flushed face. 

"You can't expect me to support this absurd charade. For God's sake, Kara," Alex snarled, "your goal is to date her? Go ahead, but you haven't even dug up half the secrets you're stuck in. It's a recipe for chaos, and I know you know that because you're not naive.”

"I don’t know if she’s aware of what happened."

"Still. And if she does, it's even worse. Lena’s aware of everything you've been put through yet has the guts to blame you for Lex? Because I’m pretty sure that’s another thing you haven’t discussed."

“Then maybe she isn’t.”

“Pretty convenient.”

  
  
  


University Town was packed. Parade had started hours ago. Some of the main attractions had finished by the time they finally arrived. Kara could see through tinted windows various groups of people, from those who found comfort in watching from the platforms to those decked in artistic makeup and flashy costumes.

As in every event of such magnitude that took place in the city, parking lots met their capacity limit during the first hours of the day. For Alex, it didn't seem to be a problem, as she took an exit down Charles Street to a red brick building with a steel door that opened when she braked in front of it. She lowered the glass on the side of her seat and picked up the badge lying in the chrome cup holder next to the gear shift, displaying it to a woman in a black suit with dark eyes and a menacing expression.

"This is why I love my job," Alex said, closing the car door with a firm push. 

_ "Pretty convenient."  _

"You got everything you need?

Kara rolled her eyes. "Yes, Mom."

"You're unbearable today.” She pointed a finger in her direction. "Phone? Keys? Money? Do you have your earbuds?"

Kara searched her pockets and grimaced when didn’t find the case, opening the door and leaning over the seat, feeling with her hand until she reached it. 

"See if you left your head there, too."

Alex laughed when Kara's middle finger peeked out of the SUV's roof.

  
  


They had agreed to meet at a bar near the university. A neutral place where none of them could be devoured by the crowd before they could meet up. It took Kara and Alex twenty minutes to walk the four blocks from the clandestine parking lot to the bar, the sea of bodies preventing them from making the trip in less time. Upon entering the establishment, Alex approached her wife and left a kiss on top of her head before turning around to greet the others. Kara, on the other hand, went to the bar and asked for the drinks menu. 

Patterns of all colors and sizes with extravagant outfits hogged the bar. The amount of talent manifested in a festival like that, where people were proud to show themselves as they were and transmitted it in the effort they put into looking and being part of a spectacle was wonderful. 

The wooden table was cold. The stool she had found in the middle of two broad-shouldered guys with cowboy hats that were sneaking resentful glances towards each other was uncomfortable for the first few minutes, but when they decided to include her in the typical dragged-out conversation of two people who had drunk too much too early, she indulged in the distraction until the bartender decided to give her his attention. 

When the cocktail was placed in front of her, Kara had already found out that her two new friends were, actually, married and the furtive looks were thanks to the inability of choosing the best brewery they had visited in the country. They confessed it was the 22nd march they had attended together, but the first Pride Month they celebrated in America.

Kara was quick to let them know about things to do and places to visit during June in National City, to pinpoint her favourite clubs and recall her own experiences. Somehow, she started laying her cards on the table as she watched blueberries wandering on the surface of her drink. "There is this girl… um- we go way back. She left me for someone else, then I got her brother sent to prison, and now she's my boss. A few days ago I opened my big mouth and told her I still liked her.” 

"That means danger. Run away, as soon as possible," one of the guys said, laughing as a hand appeared behind him and pulled on his earlobe. 

"Don't listen to him," warned the other, "although it is quite the colourful story, if you think it's worth a shot, go for it. After all, today’s the day.”

Kara nodded, opening her lips to speak, but a light hand rested on her shoulder. She turned to see Brainy with a raised eyebrow and locks of jet-black hair falling on his face. 

"Don't be frightened, for it is I, your old friend, Querl," he said, "your sister has asked me to come retrieve you from this couple of strangers before you unleash chaos.”

She downed the remains of her cocktail and stood up from the stool, bowing her head in the direction of the couple. “It was nice talking to you.”

"Go get the girl.”

With its last glimpses of energy, the sun set as Kara and the others reached the end of Tudor Avenue. People were beginning to disperse, some going home, others entering pubs and restaurants, but Kara noticed that most were taking the detour to the park in Loraine. 

Upon entering, Kara's muscles were already quivering from the exhaustion of the day. She could make out the stage far in the distance, erected in the middle of an ample green meadow. 

She separated from the group when her phone buzzed in the back pocket of her black shorts with a text message from Lena asking to meet her in the tents behind the stage. Guided by the arrows that led her through rows of portable restrooms and food stalls, she could only see people in black tees and reflective vests running around. A man asked for her name at the entrance, checking the long list of characters drawn in the screen of his tablet until he found it and let her in.

Removing the frail plastic door, Kara entered the tents, discovering the perspective inside was much more extensive than what could be seen from the outside. Tables full of food choices covered a corner of the room, a long L-shaped couch adjacent to them. Sauntering in, she saw doors on either side of the hallways leading to smaller rooms. A door in the far end opened just in time to reveal a tall woman with dark brown hair and wide open hazel eyes. 

"You must be Kara, hi, please come in before she drives us mad," she said, gripping her forearm to pull her into the room, closing the door behind her.

"Hey, sweetheart." She knelt in front of Lena, cupping her cheek with one hand after she nodded, granting consent. "Look at me."

"The goddamn first act should be on stage in less than twenty minutes and they haven't even finished setting up their things," Lena grunted, scraping the nail polish off her index finger with her teeth.

"A little tardiness is more common than you think, Lena. It shouldn't be normal, but it's what people expect," she assured her, removing the hand curved into her jaw and taking Lena's to rest both on her knee, gently squeezing. "You texted, can I do anything for you?” 

"Right." She stood abruptly. "Come here, there’s some people I want you to meet.”

Kara followed her, stretching her legs to let blood start flowing again. With a couple of long strides she reached Lena, who was casting furtive glances at the other two people in the room. Kara hadn't even noticed someone else, had completely forgotten the girl who opened the door and ignored the tall guy who approached them with graceful steps.

"This is Samantha Arias, CFO for the Metropolis headquarters. She's one of my closest acquaintances," Lena said.

Sam snorted, "close acquaintances? funny you should say that given you changed my daughter's diapers for years.” She extended her hand towards Kara and gave a firm handshake. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you.”

"The pleasure is all mine," Kara confessed, returning the gesture with a bright grin. "I'm sorry I was so rude when I first walked in.

"No worries.”

"And this is Jack Spheer, CEO of Spheerical Industries," Lena added.

"Such a sweet introduction, not even the guy who sporadically drinks tea with you?”

His heavy accent was oddly familiar. Kara could have sworn she had seen that tall, dark-skinned frame with the handsome smile somewhere years ago, but her mind was blocked and she couldn't grasp the memory of his identity. She tilted her head to the side and squinted, trying to make the images that haunted her intelligible. She tried to imagine him a few years younger, perhaps with less facial hair, and it was when she noticed that he was also looking at her with a curious expression that the light bulb went on.

"Jackaniel?"

His reaction was immediate, dark eyes opened with surprise and a big smile lit up his face. "My, my. Kara Danvers."

"You grew your beard!”

"Your bangs are gone!”

"Didn't recognize you under all that new hair," she laughed, throwing herself into his arms when he opened them.

Lena and Sam watched them with equally confused expressions. Unlike Sam who had an amused smirk on her face, Lena wore an uncomfortable scowl on hers. 

"You met him without the beard?" Sam asked, "Unbelievable.”

"Remember the story of the eloquent lady in Monaco who humiliated me in ten different ways as we watched F1 and I tried to buy her a drink?" Jack questioned, sighing in mock hurt.

"I didn't humiliate you," Kara interjected.

"Well, it just so happens that Lena's Kara and my Kara are one and the same. Isn't that wonderful?"

Lena stepped forward to where Kara and Jack stood with their arms linked over their shoulders. Fixing her friend with fiery eyes before addressing Kara. "What were you doing in Monaco? 

"Ms. Grant's son, Carter, is a big Formula One fan, and I used to be kind of his nanny. We were in Monaco for his birthday, and I met Jack in one of the booths at the Paddock Club," Kara said, patting him on the shoulder.

"And the bottle..."

"The bottle!" she cackled, holding her stomach. "By the end of the night, he was so obstinate about trying to impress me he ordered a Cabernet Sauvignon that slipped out of his hands mere minutes after leaving the wine cellar.”

"That's the Jack we know," Sam admitted.

"It wasn't my finest hour," he scratched his chin before putting his hands back in his jean pockets.

"But, some months later, he called me offering the scoop on Biomax. It was one of my first big articles. Now,  _ that _ was impressive."

Lena couldn’t take her eyes off them, but Kara saw her shoulders lose stiffness when she turned to look at her with a silly smile planted on her face. "What a small world we live in. I'm glad you're already familiar.” She looked at Kara and intertwined her hands on her lap.

Almost forty minutes later, the murmur of the people outside turned into gigantic waves of passionate screams. Sam and Jack told them they hoped to see them again before walking out.

"Have you eaten yet?" Kara asked when Lena turned her back on her.

"I forgot lunch, what time is it?"

"Too late for that, do you want me to fetch something from the food trucks outside?”

Lena shook her head. “Can you pass me a bottle of water and some fruit from the basket? I don’t think I can stomach anything else right now.”

Her skin was cold to the touch, and if Kara paid attention, she could see the slight tremble of her hands. She placed a hand on Lena’s hip, her thumb and forefinger sliding down until she felt the black fabric of her bodysuit and the smooth material of the denim shorts, and pulled her closer until the tips of her sandals clashed with Kara's white sneakers.

"Everything will be fine," she murmured, eyes honest and lips pink, a few inches away from Lena's. She took off to reach the water bottle, but quickly returned to her side, holding her hand to guide her back to the sofa. The furniture was designed for three people, four if the knowledge of physical location of masses was advanced, but Kara smiled as Lena squeezed next to her and rested her head upon her shoulder. "How's everything at L-Corp? I've hardly seen you in the last few days.”

"Remember that breakthrough I told you about? I think it was the blockage that kept us from finishing the project. I'm holding a press conference next month to announce the launch."

"Awesome!" she said, setting an ankle on her other knee. "Anything you can tell me? Or is this something above the Pentagon's confidentiality levels?”

"Not yet, I'm afraid," Lena purred, sweet and innocent, as she felt fingers sneaking up light roots of hair. "But I can say I missed seeing this annoying, handsome editor parading from end to end of the bullpen looking for someone who might need them.”

Biting her tongue, Kara attempted to tame the wild smile threatening to peek into the glossy corners of her lips. "Yeah? Do I know them?" 

"I hope not. You wouldn’t stand them."

"Ha, ha. As hilarious as ever."

A comfortable silence permeated the span of the room, only Kara's heavy exhalations and the distant murmur of music were audible. She dropped her head against the padded edge of the chair and continued to dart her fingers through Lena's scalp.

The nagging in the back of her skull warned that the train of thought in their minds was possibly the same. Kara and Lena, an identical portrait thousands of miles away and a couple of years younger, more gullible. When they used to huddle in a green, dusty armchair behind walls shielding them from loud people in the café where they would wind up after hours of skiing, getting drunk on saccharine beverages and making up stories about the unknown faces that walked through the door.

Kara flinched when she felt a slight tingle climb up her ankle, but relaxed as she noticed Lena drawing the pattern of a familiar labyrinth in the stripped skin patch.

"About what you said that night..." Lena began.

"You don't have to- we don't have to talk about it," Kara hurried, blood thrumming in her ears. 

"But we  _ do _ , Kara.” 

"Not now, okay?" she swallowed a whimper as Lena straightened, furrowed eyebrows marring the serenity of her face. "Tonight should be about parade and-  _ and _ the concert we're currently missing.”

"I feel perfectly fine here, even if you turned into a brick wall." 

Allegorical strings stitched into Kara made her behave like a possessed puppet. Lowering her reticence as she admired Lena's tired but elegant face and her bloodshot smile. Pulling and tossing until the stitches in her mouth tore apart. "Go out with me for drinks. Next Friday, when things have calmed down a bit, and we'll discuss this, please?"

Nervous sobs wrecked inside her as she saw a layer of doubt fall over Lena's eyes, quieting at the touch of subtle hands tugging at the thin chain around her neck.

"Deal."

Ignoring the voices claiming she was making a mistake, that there were many secrets wandering with scraped knees after hours spent on prayers where they begged to finally be acknowledged, Kara shook the sudden absence of security from her shoulders and pulled away from Lena.

The hem of her tie-dye shirt rose above her stomach, revealing a sliver of tanned skin. Kara pulled on the garment, stretching the fabric until it covered an inch below her navel. "I have my noise-cancelling earbuds and enough energy to enjoy the rest of our night. Would you be interested in joining me?"

"Since you asked so nicely." Lena stretched out her hand, bracelets clattering as they crashed with the sudden movement. 

Their laughter pierced the silence in the aisle. Under the intimidating moonlight, Kara led Lena to the heart of the event, stopping to apologize with an innocent wink when her sneakers squeaked against the black and white tiles of the human-sized chess board leading to the path separating the tents from the stage, quickly finding the entrance to the area destined for CatCo employees.

Kara spotted Jack leaning against the security fences. Dangerously close to them, she saw the red characteristic of her sister, and her friends. Brainy, Nia and Nia's roommate were fast to approach them. Followed by Kelly, who was whispering in Alex's ear, and her sister, rolling her eyes at her wife's words.

"Where were you? You vanished on us," Alex shouted over the noise, stopping to study her companion. "You must be Lena." Her smile stank of affability, but years of experience with Alex were enough training to discern the words she preferred to swallow and trade for fists clenched on her hips.

"Lena, you already know Nia and Kelly. This is Querl Dox but we call him Brainy, an old friend and colleague of my sister's. And Yvette, Nia's roommate," she intervened, before turning with pleading in her eyes. "And this is my sister, Alex. “ She gestured toward her with upturned palms. "Alex, this is Lena Luthor, my boss.”

To have uttered those words while her hand found home in Lena's lower back was a complex disparity.

Kara took it back. The utopian script she had conjured up in her mind for that exact moment, when her sister and Lena met, bore no resemblance to the execution of the scene that unfolded over the course of the next few minutes. Both were closed to interaction, unwilling to take the first step that would trigger the hammer and make a crack in the palpable tension. It was making her nervous. Quite like watching two legendary gunfighters from the Old West face off in a duel to the death. Narrowed eyes and clenched jaws did nothing to stop her increasing uneasiness.

"Greetings, Lena Luthor," Brainy said, folding his hands behind his back and swinging on his heels. "Is your name somehow related to L-Corp, formerly known as LuthorCorp? If so, I am a big admirer of your work, it is my greatest pleasure to make your acquaintance.” 

"It is mine to announce, in fact, I own L-Corp,” Lena stated. Kara was blinded by the glow of her smile.

His ears perked and Brainy hummed. "Interesting.”

Kara had to pull on her sister's shirt sleeve to get her attention. Alex’s eyes lost their edge as she saw Kara and Kelly glaring at her. She sighed, "Glad to be able to put a face to the name.”

Lena gave a curt nod, letting go of Kara's hand to offer it in Alex's direction. "Likewise. She speaks wonders about you.”

"Same.” Alex turned her head toward the stage and took Kelly's hand. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I love this song."

As soon as the couple walked away, her friends dispersed as well, leaving Kara and Lena alone again. 

"She seems like a big fan.”

"Alex is tough at first, but she’ll warm up to you," she said, lifting one shoulder as she inspected her surroundings. "Do you want to dance?

Lena stood on her tiptoes and placed one hand on Kara's chest while the other went to the backwards cap and snatched it, freeing soft tresses of golden hair. "Lead the way," she whispered in her ear before placing the cap she had stolen on her own head.

Lena’s body against hers felt like trying to grasp a lifetime that was ripping right through her with every ripple of her hips. Lena, Lena,  _ Lena  _ was all she had in mind. The delighting friction of her back against her front. The soft bare skin of her shoulders and the autumn coloured freckles that dotted it. The sweet aroma emanating from her pulse point and jaw as Kara slid her nose over it. The ruby lips that bore a fierce smirk as she clasped her hands to the plane of her stomach. 

In not a single language could Kara describe the passion rushing through her. She was static. Getting high on the thrill of it as the night kissed tattoos into the recesses of her soul. Not even a lighting storm could pull her away from that moment. The years of dreaming about having Lena back didn’t prepare her for the real thing, and this was much more than she had expected. Perhaps, if Kara put some facts aside, she could win in the long run. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the date is October 24th, which means lena luthor is turning only-god-knows-how-many today!! may my best girl have the happiest birthday, hope she drinks lots of tea wrapped in kara's sweatshirt
> 
> ps: sooo, yeah they're going on a date
> 
> ps2: brainy, jack spheer, j'onn and s1 james olsen are the only guys to ever exist in supergirl


	9. Re-evaluate quick before we make a mistake and it's too late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i did say the rollercoaster had begun, didn't i?

Grumbling, Lena kneaded her temples as the whistle of air coming from the unexpected opening of the door made the sheets of paper she was filing in the binder to fly off her desk, eyes dry as she watched her hard work sinking into the carpet.

A tall frame, dressed in a snow white dress with a salmon coat hanging from her shoulders set foot in the office, the modest staccato of her heels announcing her presence in Lena's sanctuary. She set down her purse on the coffee table, on top of the folders Lena had just piled up, sat in front of the sofa and entwined her hands atop crossed knees.

"Mother." Lena shifted, aiming to imitate the angle of Lillian's back. Recoiling, she straightened the ungainly fall of her shoulders and the knot of her legs, pleading for her mother to brush aside her bare feet, but Lillian noticed and her crimson lips twitched along the trail up to abandoned heels. 

Her eyes wandered, a stained mirrorball that withered every surface it reflected on. "I assume that you have settled down?"

"Two years were more than enough for that." Lena let go a deep exhale, stiff hands grabbed the glass. "Would you like a drink?"

"What do you have?" Lillian said absent-mindedly, pulling non-existent lint from her skirt.

Lena filled her glass again, two fingers of amber liquid spilling over the rocky mountains of ice before bowing her elbow. She repeated the process, adding more cubes and a new glass next to hers. "I think I have one last bottle of that disgusting stuff Lex used to make us drink.”

"Then yes. Neat."

"Of course you do now," Lena muttered between the spaces of her teeth. She handed the drink to her mother, rejoicing in the indignation she could see in Lillian’s eyes as she watched Lena bend her legs under herself. "To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?

“You came out." The disgust on her face was comical. 

Old whiskey slid down her throat, dropping at the same time her stomach did, the thud inaudible under the heavy pressure.

The issue had started circulating on Monday, following the concert. Shelves on the streets emptied in one single morning, and her notifications had overflowed, the beep of public critique still reverberating in her ears. Uproar soon rocketed as more people noticed one of the country's most important public figures on the cover of a publication dedicated especially to Pride Month, dawdling in the buzz of her confession until a small snowball became a wall, the collision unyielding against Lena's privacy. 

Blogs, social networks, morning news, the cover of the newspaper an old man sitting in front of her table at Noonan's was reading. Even Sam's mother had reached out one day at five in the morning with a congratulatory gif. 

Lena felt like an exotic bird that had been hunted down, exposed to buyers who didn't care to give up their morals to get something to fill them with might for a short time and then abandon it to its own fate. Humiliated and wronged for life.

The only thing that had kept her from fleeing to seek refuge in a mountain where she could never be found was the buoyant smile she had seen on Kara's face, who took the vast amount of positive reviews and thrust them in her pocket to satiate herself for days.

"It's about time," Lena admitted.

"I thought you hated having people gossiping about your private life.”

"My life and everything revolving around it belongs only to me. It’s something I had to do, not necessarily out of obligation, but because it's important for me to set an example. It's very hypocritical to plaster  _ 'loyal and lively’ _ as part of the slogan on every corner of the company and then hide," she said, fingers carelessly tracing the edge of her glass. 

"I've read quite a few pragmatic reviews," Lillian confessed. Lena's neck cracked with the speed, axis turning to discern her words, but the figment of validation vanished as fast as it came. "I cannot allow the future of the company to depend on your childish outbursts."

"Such a shame I'm gay, isn't it? Perhaps if I were a prospective criminal bordering on genocidal sociopath L-Corp would never be in danger." Lips pursed in mockery, the satirical line on her face was overshadowed by a taut brow, drink slouching over the edges as her hands were injected with tiny tremors after Lillian had smashed her own glass on the table.

"Don't talk about your brother like that," she said and closed her eyes. When she opened them again it was with a sweet smile. "Lena, dear, you know where your priorities should be.”

"I haven't — I haven't forgotten... it was just an article," Lena stammered.

"Fortunately, it seems to be the right move.”

"What do you mean?”

"You know it’s getting close to the first anniversary since Alexander's trial," Lillian acknowledged, "investments are vulnerable, so is the profit margin, predisposed to decline in the coming weeks. But people appreciate your honesty, and that is reflected in the temporal stability of the charts. You don't want to lose focus now, Lena.”

"I won’t.”

"Funny, because apart from the article, I also saw the speculations linked to it. Let's be grateful those pictures looked like they were taken by an infant. Getting comfortable with your employees? Just because you're a lesbian doesn't mean you should cast aside your standards.”

Lena blanched. While surfing the internet the morning after the concert, groggy but well rested, she came across images granite had ruined, but Kara's frame glued to hers was recognizable to anyone who stopped to look at the details. Kara's cap over her head along the dark mantle of the night were allies in the questionable discernment of the unknown identities, but her mother had been successful anyway.

"How do you know who she is?"

Lillian laughed, but something darker danced in her eyes for a moment. "I'm surprised you would ask that, that blonde hair is a raucous beacon. I can recognize the woman who sent my son to prison."

And there it was again, hitting Lena like a freight train. The constant irritation she felt the first few weeks working at CatCo with Kara was gone, only tendrils of doubt and clouds of insecurity clung to her with a death grip as Kara unknowingly threatened to make them disappear. But it only took a couple of well-placed words to make new waves of apprehension rise inside her.

Something deep inside told her that she was being irrational, and letting herself be persuaded by Lillian's poisonous conversation was not fair to their strengthened relationship. Still, Lena couldn't help but think there was some truth to her mother’s argument. It could have been any other individual in the vast regions of the planet, but it was Kara, the one person she couldn't get out of her mind, who took the most important person in her life out of her hands. There had to be some rationality in her blind rage.

"If you want to," Lillian spoke again after Lena's silence, "I think a relationship would be great publicity. During this month, people find your  _ inclinations  _ adorable.”

"I won't let you treat my  _ inclinations  _ like a damn marketing strategy."

"Watch your words. I didn't say it was a strategy, it was an innocent suggestion," she raised her chin, "Andrea is a proudly bisexual woman and the public loves her, plus you're already more than familiar with her. I heard rumors she called off her engagement and will soon be moving to National City, if long-distance relationships aren't your thing.”

The information dump left her reeling, clawing blindly until she found something to hold on to. The hasty reminder of her ex's name was like ice sneaking into her burning blood, the new facts her mother was unveiling leaving an iron taste in her mouth. 

Lena knew Andrea had cancelled her engagement, Sam and Jack had taken care of letting her know, but nothing — no one had warned her about the possibility of sharing grounds again. Sharing  _ something  _ with her was not a thought that crossed her mind in her everyday life.

"Mother, you know that going back to Andrea is the last thing I would ever do.”

"You seemed to like her quite a lot." 

"Yes, but we broke up and she got engaged, to a guy," Lena said, suppressing a snarl.

"A man she's no longer with," Lillian reminded her, "I'm not telling you to marry her. But being seen together wouldn't hurt anyone, aren’t you a games fanatic? At least if you want to date someone, make them catch up to your lifestyle.”

Blue-eyed flashes and charming smiles blinded her for a minute.

Her mother towered over her as she stood, leaving on the table a tree of intrusive ideas with branches that cut off her breath, dragging with her the hesitant sense of relief Lena had cultivated for herself to the door. 

"You should consider it, darling, the future of the company is in your hands," Lillian said, the steam of her sigh crystallizing the forlorn look in her eyes. "Your father didn't work day and night for this legacy for you to ruin it with a clumsy crush.”

  
  
  


The conversation with her mother haunted Lena for the rest of the week, mixed with the suspension of a member of the research and development team, and the abrupt dismissal of the head of Public Relations for being a homophobic bigot in disguise, showing his true colors after the article was published, Friday fell on the calendar as a cassette film, the glimpse of the weekend the only thing that kept the tape of her sanity rolling.

A pounding headache would not leave her, and that morning she had woken up next to a blood-soaked silk pillowcase. Her declining mood was reflected in her irritation, snapping at Jess' inability to get her favourite brand of tea and again at a jittery intern, whom Lena swore her angry eyes would follow their dreams for weeks.

There were too many things flooding her mind, splitting her lobes to allow her full attention in all the unresolved situations she had in her hands. 

It wasn't until late afternoon, twilight tendrils fogging over the planes of the horizon, reaching the extension of the office windows, that Jack and Sam appeared as guardian angels to pull her out of her pitiful brooding.

“What’s with the long face?"Jack asked, dropping with the force of a missile onto one of the chairs in front of the desk, the legs creaking under its heavy weight. "Did you see a ghost?"

"Close, I saw Mother," Lena said, chuckling as an identical grimace took shape in their faces.

Sam sat down next to Jack, leaving her purse on the floor near her own chair. "I don't see any war scars, are you okay?

"She came to —  " Lena began, fiddling with her rings, "she hasn't shown up here in months, which is great, but as soon as she sees a threat to the company, she comes out of hiding armed with a thousand arguments that somehow always get on my nerves — she came to tell me that I should go back to Andrea because the golden boy's actions could affect L-Corp!

"Can you believe it? She has the audacity to barge into my safe place with her stupid observations and suggestions and — and try to put a hand on the narrative of my own story to benefit from it. Lillian is always saying she's trying to change and that now we only have each other, but she fucks up at the first chance to show she's really trying. She couldn’t even say she was proud," she ended with a murmur that faded in the bursts of cold air.

During her soliloquy Sam had brought a tray of glasses and a bucket full of ice, her long legs tracing her steps to retrieve a bottle from the collection on the shelf.

"First, it's never been just you and her, you are stuck with us through thick and thin," Sam said, stirring the shaker and then pouring the drinks into the stem glasses. "Second, you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do. I can assure you that L-Corp has done much better in the two years you’ve been CEO than in the decade it took Lex to nearly destroy the company altogether. And third, your interview was amazing, we're proud of you," she confessed, sauntering around the desk to pull her into a hug and placed a kiss on top of her head.

Lena felt some of the tension leave her, her body lighter as she supported the weight of the embrace. 

"We agreed we'd say it at the same time, Sam! I wasn't ready!" Jack huffed, revealing a small party popper from inside his jacket, but the metallic foils never came when he turned it over. "This is your fault, yours only."

They shared a laugh, Lena resting her head on Sam's chest as she rubbed her forearm. "Is this your way of telling me you're proud of me too?"

"I've always been proud of you, out or not," he said, leaning back in his chair after launching the plastic cylinder into Sam's bag.

"Hey!"

"That's what you get for being such a vile backstabber."

Sam snorted, scratched her eyebrow with her thumb and settled back into place, looking at Jack with disdain before focusing on Lena again. "Andrea is planning to open Obsidian headquarters in the city.”

"You knew that too?" Lena asked, propelling herself with the armrests to the edge of the chair.

"Y-yeah? Word travels pretty fast in this industry, especially when it comes to possible competition.”

"Fucking great.” Again, the idea of sharing land with Andrea wasn’t time consuming. Globally speaking, National City was big enough to avoid running into someone, but they ran similar social circles and Lena knew that sooner or later, a reunion would be inevitable.

"Did you have a nasty break up?" the deep tone of Jack's question was genuinely sincere.

"No, not at all," Lena divulged, "but getting an idea out of Lillian's head is as difficult as taking Ruby's Nintendo away from her when it’s bedtime.”

"So, would you date her again?" Sam asked, avoiding eye contact. 

Lena dared to steal a look at her friends, quickly turning her chair at an angle that allowed her to savor the night's dotting stars and also offered a quick way to observe her companions' reactions out of the corner of her eye. The sunset had finished its parade, dense black clouds rising in the sky like faithful warriors of the rising moon. 

Twisting the lemon slice, she bit her lip, leaving two dents on the lipstick screen. She and Andrea had history, an enchanted land in a fairy tale that toppled within months, a collapsing hillside that ended the same way most of her relationships did. Betrayal.

"Is it normal to get attached to people whose only goal is to use me? What a masochistic pattern," Lena snorted, self-deprecation hammering the locks on her walls.

"Who are you talking about? Andrea was just a — "

"Kara."

"What does she have to do with this?"

"It's because of her that Lex is in jail, Jack."

"You didn't even know each other when it happened, there's no way she used you to write the exposé," Sam interceded.

"I've known Kara for years. Remember the famous summer fling in Switzerland? That was her. And I tried to keep her at arms length when I saw her again in March, because I didn't know what danger I would be in if I trusted her one more time —b ut she was always an expert at getting under my skin.”

"Wow, that's a lot of information," Sam said, cupping her mouth with her empty hand. "No wonder you were so smitten so fast, it takes ages for you to have a crush.”

"Did she ever ask about Lex? Did she mention anything that made you think she approached you just for information? Lena, you were twenty years old when that happened, it's virtually impossible that Kara would have been suspicious of your brother's tendencies by then.” A dark eyebrow quirked, intimidating as Jack coupled it with a sudden burst of sobriety.

"No, but she knew he was my brother.”

"Lena, honey,  _ no _ ." Sam dragged her hands across her face, pulling the skin from her cheeks to form a tight scowl. "Is that the only reason you're so against dating that hot stuff?"

She was about to nod when she remembered another inconvenience her mother had mentioned. "I'm her boss." 

"Yes, because that's never happened before," Sam hummed into the edge of her glass. "I’m with Jack in this one. You know I love you, but even I would have done the same thing. 

"It's not about betrayal or trying to propel careers at the expense of others, it's something that had to be done before it was too late. Lex is guilty, Lena, he wouldn't have a sentence if he wasn't. I think your apprehension of Kara is a little unfair, don't you? I mean, have you seen the way she looks at you? She would never do anything to hurt you on purpose.”

Her guilt increased with every transition of the digital clock on her desk, a screw spinning with the momentum of a tornado to adjust the prejudices already engraved on Lena’s mind. Unfair was too short an adjective to name her behavior towards Kara, but she allowed the petty anger to flood her home when Lex was no longer around to fill in the gaps with his nefarious tricks.

She had seen Kara follow her around, trying to mend a broken relationship for reasons that weren't even her responsibility. And her pride allowed her to do so.

"Look, Kara is successful, brilliant." Jack lowered his fingers as he went. "The kindest, most cheerful creature I've ever met, and she's terribly beautiful. She's the whole package and I know her, she would never hurt a fly. If I didn't know you are half in love with her, I would humiliate myself again to get her to go out with me on a date.”

Lena glanced back at the clock. It read forty-two minutes past nine. A new waft of panic arose in her, forcing her back with its strength. "No. No.  _ No _ ," she muttered like a mantra. 

The date. 

Amidst the commotion of the dramatic turns of her week, Lena had missed the one entry on her schedule that she longed for. The drinks mixed in her stomach with nerves and the heartbreaking charge of consciousness that began to eat away at her, rising up her throat like an acidic monster.

Lena propelled her torso across the desk, ignoring curious eyes, and recovered her phone with cold sweat running down her dress. The device was off. Mouth dry and stomach fusing with the magma she found as she fell between layers, Lena turned on the screen to see four missed calls from Kara and a dozen texts that varied in emotion as the night grew darker.

With a heavy heart, Lena planted her face on the shiny surface. 

"What is it? You're scaring us." She felt a warm hand close around her elbow.

"I had a date with Kara tonight and I completely slipped my mind," she said, chewing on a cuticle.

"Oh,  _ shit _ .” Lena heard Jack said.

"I thought about her  _ all  _ week but Lillian came over and so much shit went down and I forgot. Fuck, this — this sucks. I suck. I'm a horrible, terrible person and now Kara's going to hate me.”

Sam tried to hide the look on her face when Lena mentioned that they had agreed to meet at eight, but she still tried to reassure her. "You're not, you just had a lousy week. Try calling her, she might pick up.”

"Yes, and yell at you for being heartless," Jack chuckled, but his laughter immediately turned to a whimper when Sam's heel hit his shin. 

She grabbed the device, trying not to see it as a time bomb, and dialed her number, turning on the speaker before putting it on solid ground. The echo of the unanswered rings made her chest pound, remorse biting from the tip of her shoes up to her head. They gave up after eight failed attempts, all three sighing with similar gestures of regret etched on their faces.

The hope that captured the cyanite in Kara's eyes in Lena’s memory distorted the more she thought of her. Swirls of blue fading away until only the cold gray of impending disappointment remained.

It had been a test, at least Lena felt that way. And she had gotten the worst possible score.

  
  
  


Lena remembered Kara mentioning in passing that that weekend would be the first she would have off in weeks, so she soon made a space in her schedule to go to CatCo the second the sun came up on Monday. The last time she had seen her was through a silly selfie Kara had sent her days ago while drinking slurpee, a portrait she had fought for days against the temptation to use as her home screen. From then on, the thread of their conversation was based on desperate attempts by Lena to get any signal that resembled a response.

On Friday night, Jack drove to the bar, but an angry look from the woman behind the bar when she asked if she had seen her companion was enough to make Lena understand that it was too late. 

To her great regret, she didn't find an opportunity to talk to her until Wednesday. Kara had managed to stealthily escape her, vanishing into the hallways and rooms when someone stopped Lena to ask questions that didn't make sense in her attempts to reach her. She dodged Lena, making her chase shadows, until finally she was able to get Kara alone when she saw her greeting two janitors on aluminum ladders putting down the decorations for the month that had just ended.

She covered Kara's wrist with her hand, and seeing that she didn't oppose the touch, led her into an abandoned room at the end of the hallway. 

" We need to talk," Lena said, sliding her hands across the ripples on her skirt when Kara shook her hands free.

Kara leaned against the edge of a table in the middle of the deserted room, wrapping her arms around her stomach, stretching her long legs and crossing her ankles. "You think?

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to — I had a terrible week and Jack and Sam were with me, but that's no excuse. I really wanted to do this with you. I'm being honest, I  _ really  _ am," she swore when Kara laughed. Lena swallowed the lump in her throat and continued, realising she wouldn't get another reaction from Kara. "I was a complete idiot, I know that, but you have to-”

"What? Believe you?" Kara spat, bitterness tarnishing her beautiful features. "Do you have any idea of the humiliation I felt? I waited like an idiot for two hours. First I thought you were stuck in traffic, then I told myself something had come up at L-Corp, but at least you'd have the decency to call me. Now you say you forgot because you were with friends? That's low, even for you."

"Last week was hectic and — "

"You never intended to talk to me about those things either, of course." Kara straightened up and put one hand in her pocket, leading the other to her chain. A resigned smile filled her cheeks, pulling them down with sorrow. "It's okay. I can't judge how you decide to use your time.”

But it wasn't. The diaphanous anger that bathed her eyes had been replaced by disappointment, a thousand times more tortuous than anything else she could ever feel. Lena had given her wings, and her own hands cut them off before she could take flight. The illusion of a promise that could be but was not. 

Lena stepped forward, stretching out her hands to her. "We can reschedule, There is this restaurant that I know you’ll love," she offered, shy. Losing the chance — losing Kara — wasn’t on the list of her future plans.

" _ No _ . Just because I said it was okay doesn't mean I wanna try again. You forgetting is proof enough that you're definitely not interested. I've always put too much of myself into this, it's always been like that," her laughter sounded muffled as she sank between the grim curve of her shoulders. "It's better this way. You're my boss, maybe it's time I start treating you like it.”

The door slammed shut, and Lena saw Kara's outline silhouetted in the dust her departure had flickered. 

It didn't take Lena long to leave the room. Her pride wounded with an indignant resolution the moment she accepted her fate.

Two weeks were gone in the blink of an eye, and Lena still couldn't completely shake off the guilt exuding from her pores. Not even the contrast of the burning steam in the tub and the icy stream of cold showers she had to take after the scarce interactions with Kara where her touch was particularly blasé but flirtatious, could rub the spots of remorse off her skin.

The unmistakable avoidance — noticing that Kara was avoiding her like the plague had caused her chest to contract with a strange sense of longing for the first few days. But now the insignificant resentment had been forged by boiling iron in her blood. She had made a mistake, she knew, but that did not give Kara the right to puncture her pride with her indifference.

As she dived into her self-absorption, the morning humidity rose and drifted above them with heavy blows of wind as they walked the cobbled path in the park, the tree crowns flapping to form abstract spectres in the shadows where they hid from the sun. Taking a long breath, Lena lifted her sunglasses up the bridge of her nose, making sure the huge frames covered as much as possible.

"I'm not being crazy, right? I said I was sorry, there's nothing else I can do to convince her. I honestly don't care if she doesn't want to go out with me," Lena said, turning to look at her friends when they complained. "What?"

"For someone who doesn't care that Kara rejected the attempt at a do-over... you haven't shut up about it." Jack picked up a broken twig from the ground and poked her with it.

"I think her name is already so etched in the depths of my subconscious that I dreamt about her yesterday," Sam deadpanned, the curve of her lips quivering with barely contained glee.

Lena was about to start a silent fight with the product of Sam's REM activity when a hand splayed on her chest stopped her before she could crash against a familiar redhead.

"Sorry, my sister is crazy strong— _uh_ , Ms. Luthor, what a coincidence," Alex said, throwing the plastic ball from hand to hand.

Sunday meant family days. Family days usually meant days out. Loraine Park was one of the busiest places in National City on Sunday mornings, so why didn't Lena think of the possibility? Because it was statistically impossible that the first time in five years she was in a park by choice was also the first time she met the person she least wanted to see.

Lena was sure Alex already knew about the mishap, and if she had previously had prejudices against her, Alex was now more reluctant. Her light-colored eyes under the sun were looking at her with disdain.

"Hello, hi, I didn't expect to see you here,” Lena rushed to say.

"Neither did I."

Lena turned to her friends and scratched the back of her neck. "Mrs. Danvers-Olsen, Jack Spheer and Samantha Arias, old friends.” Her heart rate slowed as she watched her friends make a new acquaintance, breaking through the thick walls that gave way to the flag on the first level to please the agent.

"Would you like to come meet the rest of my family? I swear they are much nicer than I am," Alex laughed and Lena swallowed with difficulty when she noticed how easy it had been for them to break down her barriers. Alex beckoned them to a patch of lush green grass, where Lena could see Kelly sitting on a picnic blanket, but there was no one else with her.

"What the hell did their parents feed them? They're  _ so  _ hot," Sam murmured beside her, mouth agape as they watched Alex.

"Shut your mouth. Alex is married and Kara... well, she's not, but  _ shut up _ ," scolding her friends, Lena rushed a few steps that were quickly overshadowed by long strides.

Once Alex introduced them to her wife, she pulled a bottle of water from a basket, opening the lid as she surveyed her surroundings. "Where is Kara?"

Kelly gestured to the side. "Using your son."

Away from them — not enough that Lena couldn't make out the silhouette of her body in casual clothes —Kara was standing, chatting with someone . The yoga pants looked as if they had been hand painted, the muscles in her legs pleading to take a break from their tight confinement. She was wearing a white cotton shirt, sneakers of the same color. Lena narrowed her eyes, trying to admire more accurately the fit of her clothes, but the baby sitting on her shoulders, which Lena recognized from the picture frames in her office, made it impossible.

The woman she was talking to shifted on her toes, one hand clutching Kara's bicep while the other greeted the infant she was carrying. Her teeth, a white and straight row, shone with mischief. The delicate movement of her neck tendons as she threw back her head, probably laughing at one of Kara's stupid jokes, made Lena think how hers should be looking, clenched in fury.

Before the compelling vision of trotting up to them and dragging Kara out of that situation could make her take a hasty decision, the woman went on her way, jogging until she disappeared behind a wall of bushes.

"Guys! What are you doing here?" she asked, glancing at Jack and Sam. When she noticed Lena, it didn't take her more than a couple of seconds to ignore her again.

"Stop using my baby as a women magnet," Alex said.

Kara tilted her head, confusion pulling at her eyelids. "You always laugh when I do that, Alex. Besides, I’m the magnet, Jeremiah is just a lovely bonus," she gloated, holding the baby's hand wrapped in a honey lock of hair.

"Is that true?" Kelly wondered, one eyebrow raised in the direction of her wife.

If Lena didn't know she was on thin ice with Alex, she would have laughed as she watched her shrink. Cowardice propelled a kick toward her sister's shin, who mumbled but didn't let the incipient pain dull the fun off her face.

“Can I try?"Jack asked, causing another layer of joy to bloom on Kara's sun-kissed cheeks as her nephew cackled with the attention. The baby was beautiful, with his soft dark skin and his mother's hazel eyes bathed in tender innocence, but Lena couldn't take her eyes off Kara no matter how hard she tried.

"We should get going, we have a reservation for brunch," Sam announced, taking Lena's silence as a signal to leave. "But we should go out some day, before I have to go back to Metropolis.”

Lena could have kissed Sam, when Kara politely nodded to the invitation, proclaiming that she would let them know when everyone was available. 

Kara bent down, asking her sister to pick up her nephew before she unbuckled the carrier. She said goodbye to Sam and Jack with a short hug, Lena's heart pulsed in her throat as Kara stood like a tower in front of her. "See you at the office, Ms. Luthor," she whispered, before bowing down to leave a fleeting kiss on her cheek. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're going to get some answers soon!!!!
> 
> happy halloweennn!! if you're going out, masks are the best costumes. practice social distance and enjoy : ) 
> 
> in case you celebrate it, soon is going to be 'día de los muertos' so, i hope you have a lovely day with your loved ones!!


	10. Deep fears that the world would divide us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the earth-shattering truth is out, along with some other big monsters
> 
> tw //
> 
> recreational drinking - mentions of death, blood, antidepressant drugs known as SSRI and mental health conditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we reached chapter ten!! may not seem like a lot, but when i started writing this i didn't think i'd get so far. thank you so much to everyone who has read, left kudos or comments, it means a lot to me that you're willing to spend your precious time discovering this world i'm building. 
> 
> without further ado, enjoy!

"Mummichog isn’t even a word!” Alex argued, glass precariously dancing over the dangerous edges of the armrest.

"But it is," Kara replied, confident in her last move. She braced her weight with one hand behind her back, swirling her own drink before approaching her sister. "Fundulus heteroclitus is a killifish from the Atlantic coast, and a valid word for Scrabble. Gimme my twenty-one points."

"Fishes are always your trump card, we should ban them from any game you’re involved in," Nia said, housed on the short end of the L-shaped couch, Brainy looking awfully comfortable perched on half her lap as he munched bits of pizza. The furniture in Lena's flat, no matter how cozy and surely expensive, didn't seem to be enough for him. 

For Kara, it was different, but quite similar. 

When Alex's SUV made its final turn into Schaffenberger Way, Kara was outraged and had forged a blood oath with herself, swearing to ignore Lena for the evening. When Lena’s throaty timbre buzzed them in, her mindset faded to one of alienation, perhaps she would greet her with a handshake and a curt nod. As the elevator doors allowed them to break free, the paintings she had seen the night of the party acquiring different meanings under the broad daylight, Kara was okay with popping a few jokes here and there. 

It had been enough to see Lena dressed down in worn-out jeans and a black band t-shirt with holes that use had frayed, peaking at slivers of alabaster skin, for Kara to stumble and fall on the floor next to her around the game board spread out on the table. 

Lena looked too soft and the opportunity too good to let go.

"Heteroclitus is such a fancy name for a gill guy," Jack hiccuped, sitting next to Sam on the two seater to Lena's left, hair losing its glossy volume as he raked his hands through it while trying to come up with a decent move. 

"Not gonna lie, it's not exactly the kind of name you should throw around on a first date if you're aiming for a second one," Kara admitted. Her eyelids drooped, the cheerful lightness in her torso making her sway like trees do when wind blows.

"Duly noted."

"You're the only weirdo who does fish talk on a date." Alex dodged the cushion's orbit just in time, but her wife wasn't so lucky. Kara's laughter subsided when dark eyes threatened with the same ferocity she had seen before in her sister's.

"I had the sole purpose of causing harm on Alex, whatever happened after my plans failed is out of my hands. My older sister is my handler, thereby, responsible for my actions,” she explained with frantic drifts of her arms, biting the tip of her tongue. Kara sent an apologetic smile towards Kelly. "But trust me, fish talk is not the weirdest aphrodisiac. Once—it wasn't even a date, this girl gave me an one hour long lecture on tree nuts allergies, recognizing the symptoms of anaphylaxis and proper procedure. We weren't even drunk! I just asked if she wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She was pretty hot, tho, and we made out later, so not a big loss.” Her shoulders shook with silent laughter when Lena's gaze burned holes in her skull.

Lena squirmed, sitting on her knees to reach across the table for the bottle of wine. "She was right.”

Sam studied them, zeroing on Lena's acute scowl and the mocking smile on Kara's wine-stained lips. She almost choked on her sip, but pulled herself together after connecting the dots. "Allergies are a major foreplay in non-dates, I’m sure," she snickered, delighted when Lena paired her with a steely gaze. 

"This girl was certainly right, you never know when epipen comes in handy," Kelly said, prompting a darker shade of scarlet to appear on Alex's rosy cheeks.

Lena, cross-legged with a refill of sauvignon, was about to cast the first stone of an argument born at the expense of her medical conditions. She only let the fire cease when she looked down in time to see a finger grazing hers before Kara decided to go for it and tied their hands together under the table. 

Fight drained out of her, and Lena was peeved to notice how easily she acted as a sedative with such mundane gesture. Kara wasn't looking at her, senses trained on the course of the game, but Lena knew the nervous twist her permanent smile had taken easily matched the leaps of her heart drumming in her ears.

"Am I missing something? My brain is too far gone to read the room." Jack rubbed his eyes, head lolling to the side of Sam’s shoulders.

"Because of the subtle defensive stance Ms. Luthor took, and recent disclosure of a flame shared between Kara and her in the past, I think she's the one worried about nuts," Brainy easily guessed, engulfing half of his rolled pizza and ignoring Nia as she scolded him.

This time, it was Jack's airway obstructed by his beverage. Bent over his seat, he cackled as Sam patted him on the back to free his diaphragm from latent danger.

"May Rao guide you to health," Kara said, her fingertips pushing a water bottle toward him. "We wouldn't want you to die from a Guinness attack, _nut_ now." Lena grunted and tried to let go, Kara tightened her grip.

"Rao… are you religious?" Jack asked, tapping his handkerchief over the corners of his mouth.

Kara froze, tucked into herself. She uncapped her mouth and poured words without tasting them first, and now she had six shades of curiosity waiting for her answer. 

Except for Alex, who already knew all the answers and constantly reminded her that no one else should have them, she tried to deceive her audience with a speech delivered without disruption under the sudden spotlight. "Not really. My family worshipped Rao, goddess of the red sun. It’s a silly legend from where I’m from." She tried to cut the thread of conversation with a dismissive wave of her hand, but Jack's inquisitive nature prompted him to press on.

"I could have sworn you were American. Where is it?"

"I am," Kara lied, grimacing around the last bitter sip, "just not by descent. It's this island between the northwest coast of the region of Siberia and Svalbard. Almost impossible to pinpoint on a map."

"Near the URSS’ nuclear dump? What was it called?" Jack snapped his fingers, the name on the tip of his tongue.

"Kara Sea," Lena answered, forest green leaving dents on Kara. 

She swallowed, popping the air bubbles in her knuckles. "Yup. In fact, that's where my name comes from.” Her fingers trembled around the stem of her glass, but her grip on Lena's hand remained firm.

"You have Russian roots, then? Is that why you have an accent?”

_Good god, Jack._

"Do I? I guess sometimes it just slips out.” 

"Not all the time," Lena said, "it happens when you're cross.”

Kara was on high alert. Her neck hurt, her hands cramped. Ready to make up random answers if someone else decided to make questions and desperate for them to drop the subject, she waited for something to happen, but couldn't help but swoon knowing Lena was familiar with such minute detail. 

"I had no idea. Sounds nice." The ripples of Jack's verdict were the last ones before a wave crashed into the bay, rattling her but not knocking her down.

"None of us had a clue, apparently," Nia intervened, looking just as surprised.

"I don't talk about my parents much.” Kara said, touching her necklace. 

In the nick of time, she was saved by a loud clamor coming from the last room in the hall hogging their attention. Sam, suspiciously quiet as Kara spewed half-truths, rushed to her feet, but Lena beat her to it.

"I'll check on Ruby." 

Kara drummed her fingers on the table as the emptiness left by the ghost of Lena's hand became noticeable. She rose to her feet, grasping the back of Nia's seat while her legs got used to the fogginess of her body. "And I'll go get us more snacks.”

She took a shortcut to the bathroom, splashing water over her flushed face and neck. The harsh light from the mirror above the double sink on the vanity top accentuated the red spots on her cheeks, obscuring the glow of her freckles. She used one of the folded towels to dry her hands and took a deep breath before walking out and into the kitchen. A tender gesture was drawn on her face as she saw Lena standing on the tips of her bare feet, stretching out with one hand on the bar as she tried to retrieve something from the cupboard.

"Is this a suicide mission? You are a very, _very_ devoted hostess," Kara whispered in her ear, hips latching onto Lena's back before reaching for the bag of trail mix herself.

Lena shuddered and turned around, facing her with courage she didn't feel. Her knees were weak, melting when Kara put both hands on the kitchen counter, locking her in the nest of her muscled forearms, a welcome distraction. "Fuck you, Danvers."

"I know you’re dying to, but you’ve lost your train," she countered back and smirked, Lena's eyes fluttering to her lips. Kara leaned closer, fronts brushing and breaths blending together, separated by only a few inches. The heady mist of stomped grapes was as intoxicating as the unfocused glow of Lena's look.

"You've been ignoring me for weeks and—"

"I thought it was appropriate etiquette after being stood up."

Lena growled, puffing her chest out. "I've told you a thousand times I'm sorry.”

"And I understood the first hundred, but that doesn't make me any less stood up. Basic arithmetic."

"Nor does it give you the right to be an arse and make fun of my allergies and carefully crafted plans," she whined.

"You know I'd discuss nuts and allergies for hours if I get to be with you again," Kara let her know, the arrogant bridge of her eyebrows dwindling to something more honest, pure. When the bag of trail mix fell to the ground with a loud thud, it took all her willpower not to leave a kiss on Lena's head as she hid in the hollow of her neck and circled her waist, keeping her hands in Kara's pockets.

  
  
  


August slipped in and with it brought Sam storming in her office, a vehement fuss to her march. An envelope was placed in front of Lena, but the path of her hands was quickly hindered when she made to reach it. Sam’s fire diminished into a flickering flame, setting into a chair and jerky fidgets of her heeled feet. 

The secrecy made the hairs of her arms rise. “¿What is it?” Lena snapped.

Years of knowing Sam warned the nervous tics. It could take ages to tell them apart, for Sam was one of the most level headed people she had ever met, and when it happened it was rare. Almost life changing. Whether she was a messenger of cataclysmic news or if she brought the cure for a mortal disease with her, Lena couldn’t be sure until her own senses got hold of the envelope.

When it came to her best friend, Lena couldn't trust her prowess in reading body language. "You know I hate it when you do this. Did someone die? Lex escaped from prison? Did someone die because Lex escaped from prison?"

"This isn't about him," Sam warned, "well, yes. In part."

Lena felt a barren emptiness in her stomach. "What did he do now? Wait—should I pour us drinks?

"Nothing, not now at least. Years ago.”

"Stop being a pain in the ass and get rid of the cryptic act,” Lena said. The sound of footsteps made the blood rush to her head. Lena pushed the remains of her dinner and turned off the screen. She was no longer in the mood to work. 

Sam bit her knuckle and put her hand on her waist. The rustle of the night coming through the balcony blowing at her clothes. "This is much harder than I thought. Okay, remember when I told you my mother lived somewhere in Eurasia before she came to the States?”

Through her confusion, Lena managed to jerk her head up and down.

"Grandma got pregnant with her when they lived there. She was born and raised on a small island called Krypton, this quaint little place between Russia and Svalbard–" she raised a hand when Lena was about to interrupt–"When I was a kid, Mom used to sing lullabies about old myths, one of those was Rao, sounds familiar?”

Drops of cold sweat had already condensed on Lena's temples. She decided to follow the compass of her heart thundering against her ribcage in order to keep track of Sam’s drivel, otherwise, Lena was prone to jump into hasty conclusions.

"Patricia and Kara are both Kryptoni-... Kryptonian? What even are they called—anyway, _yes_ , it took me by surprise, but I can’t see what’s got you so jittery.”

After Sam rose to her feet, the chair gained an odd angle and she almost fell when she dropped back into it. Gesturing to the envelope, she gave Lena the sublime turn of the green light.

Desperate to understand, Lena didn’t reach for the letter opener and tore it apart with her own hands instead, pulling out files leaning toward the line of needing a binder instead of a fragile recycled paper package. 

"I'm really sorry, but Kara mentioning Rao hit a bit _too_ close. I looked her up and found ties with LuthorCorp, and some undeclared transactions done by L-Corp right under our noses, but they were pretty good at hiding it. We should have believed you when you said there was a chance Kara had ulterior motives."

If Lena had ever shown any interest in knowing every possible detail of Kara Danvers' life, Sam had just given her the opportunity. A silver plate filled with answers. Line after line of alphanumeric characters blending together to form a truth that now that it was made available to her, she was terrified to face.

Lena had to, despite how much she wanted to avoid it.

It took less than twenty minutes for her to find out that Kara Danvers was, in fact, Kara _Zor-El_ , that she had been an utter moron to make her a present in March because her real birth date was in September—and that she wasn't born in Midvale but in the archipelago of Argo. All in all, Kara was a big farce.

"I have access to everything, even reports from two decades ago," Sam said under her breath, soothing as she suspected any noise could tear Lena’s poise apart.

And boy was it about to shatter.

Lena glanced at the thermostat, making sure that the journey to hell and back was a simple hallucination and not the harsh reality. 

She had given Kara her trust. Lena started to believe that she was as authentic a being as everyone praised. For a second, she bought the act. But this time being right made her nauseous. 

How could someone so hypocritical look so innocent? How could Kara look her in the eye and tell her that she had feelings for her, then walk to the closer ATM and withdraw the millions of dollars—Lena assumed—Lillian and Lex had been giving her for almost twenty years? 

It was her fault, not realising sooner. Her bastille crumbled overnight, leaving a vulnerable shell after she broke her own promise to never fall under Kara's spells. But that ship sailed, and by the time Lena grasped that she was a passenger, an influx of secrets was approaching her full speed.

“Lena..." 

"I had a bad feeling. I allowed myself to believe that maybe the reasons I was reluctant to let Kara in were futile and had no foundations. She made me trust her, and once again shot an arrow at my Achilles' heel.”

"This is messed up."

Lena laughed, nothing like the joyous sounds Sam used to get out of her. "That’s what happens when I trust someone. I wasn’t expecting a different outcome.” She held her head in her hands, a sigh drifting through the middle of her clenched teeth.

"Maybe this is just a misunderstanding.”

Her stomach plummeted at the speed of her heart. Digging holes six feet under earth for her to lay and hide from the impending pain of a known old enemy creeping up her back.

And the worst was yet to come. She had to face Kara, gaze into the same honesty she saw when blue eyes landed on Lena for the first time and force an explanation out of her. 

It was an act. Everything was an act. Sadly, she still didn't know what Kara’s nefarious goal was.

Rage didn’t take long to make an appearance. 

It began with the kindle rush of her blood, tingles running up her spine. Then, it shifted to her head, temples throbbing like if they had been mercilessly pricked with a drill. The worst part was when it descended to her chest. The sudden void was a bit much for something she had been expecting.

Lena stood up, propelling the chair toward the window. She was set ablaze as she grabbed the envelope and her purse, ignoring Sam's calls. In the same fashion, her knuckles rapped against the door that, according to recently hacked CatCo files, promised to be Kara's.

After a never-ending wait, a small crack revealed Kara, weary eyed and clad in dinosaur pajamas. The surprised smile dimmed seconds later when Lena burst into her home with fiery steps, door slamming closed behind them.

She hurled the envelope into Kara's chest, recoiling at the electrifying touch of their hands as Kara struggled to avoid the envelope falling to the floor. "What is this?" she bared her teeth. "What does this mean? That’s why you were so eager to be my friend all those years ago?" Lena tried to deliver gentle questions, but her voice was pushing the boundaries of passion.

"Where did you get this?" Kara asked.

"Answer my question,” Lena ordered. Seeing her shrink added fuel to her anger, stopping her from noticing how Kara’s breath was ragged.

Tongue heavy as sand swallowed it whole, Kara attempted to make any noise, but nothing came out. She propped her hands on her knees, the sheets of paper began to tear around her fingers as the reflection in the window pane showed the indentations on her lips before she felt the iron taste in her mouth. Every thought she had tried to forget nose-diving on her like a thunderstorm.

"Don't you dare turn your back on me!”

"Are you—is this for real? Are you really asking me that?" Kara needed air. Or water. Maybe both.

"You bet I’m serious as I can fucking be,” Lena spat, “without warning, this dashing human being came out of nowhere and was willing to like me for me. Now I find that you had your own reasons? What were you thinking? I never pegged you for a gold digger.”

"You have the nerve to barge in with an axe to demand answers! Is your mind so selective you just decided to forget?" Kara stopped as frustrated tears welled in Lena’s eyes. "Or maybe you really never knew. Shit, _you don't_.”

"Know what?" 

"Of course you hated my guts after the article.”

"Kara, know what?"

"God," she gasped, covering her mouth. 

Lena came to solve the mangled puzzle, and all she had gotten so far was a ladder up bewilderment. She leant against the door before her legs failed her. Kara didn't seem to fare any better.

In fact, she didn't look fine.

Kara’s skin turned the pallor of ashes, her chest raising up and down with surprising speed for someone who didn't seem to be breathing at all. 

"Hey, _hey_ , are you okay?" Lena asked, lips contorting in pain when pale fingers wrenched around her wrist with an iron grip. "You're hurting me.” Next morning would bring bruises with it but Kara's silence was more disturbing than any hue of purple and green.

Her gaze was glued to the wooden floor, a lifeline she thought would disappear if she dared to blink, leaving her to her fate with the wicked shadows of night. Kara was somewhere else. Light years away from her apartment. Her legs were pressed together and her back was ramrod straight with a stiffness Lena had never seen before in her.

Lena had no idea what to do.

She was familiar with panic attacks; Lex had had more than enough growing up. But she never figured out how their mother guided him through them because Lillian always closed the door in her face when she tried to help.

Breathing, right? Breathing sounded like a logical step. 

"Hold me—hold me, _please,_ " Kara croaked. Lena didn't hesitate before wrapping her arms around the lethargic frame, squeezing tight as she drew Kara towards her until their bodies laid horizontal on the couch, Kara on top of her with her head positioned in her chest. 

"It's okay. I got you, I got you." Lena hushed, rocking back and forth and threading her shaky fingers into soft hair.

A decent amount of minutes later, Kara resumed her breathing pace. Her muscles decompressed, and she stretched her hands with a grimace as they noticed the bloodied crescent imprints in her palms. She sat upright, shame washing the anguish off her face. 

"I'm so—"

"I'm sorry," Lena cut her off, "I'm so, _so_ sorry. I shouldn't—I shouldn't have done this. I didn't mean to put you through this."

"It's not your fault."

"But I was careless and—"

"You were," Kara whispered, voice a breeze lost in the heavy atmosphere, "but I know it was an innocent mistake.”

"I'm sor—”

"Can you get me some water?" When Lena returned from the kitchen, Kara's necklace was wrapped in her hand, her thumb tracing the outline of the pendant. "I'm sure you know this by now, but my birth name is Zor-El."

That was the bitter aftertaste in her mouth. "You don't have to do this, Kara. We can talk later, or never, if you’re so inclined.”

"I think I want to." Her small, crooked smile wreaked havoc in Lena's heart. "When I was thirteen, my parents... the Danvers brought me to America when- no… uh, wait," Kara said, breathing so deep she took part of Lena with her. 

"Krypton is the tiniest place, I meant it when I said it was hard to find on a map. Argo—that's where I was born—doesn't have more than twenty families living there, everybody knew each other. I’m an only child, but thanks to the people there, and now Alex, I have never felt that way. I was a daddy’s girl, but the three of us… the bond was equally strong." She sniffled, drops dotting her eyelashes.

"Kara."

"Let me. Dad, his name was Zor-El, was the only marine biologist in Krypton, so he was constantly making research trips with his team. On the days they came back, he would take me to the lab and show me everything he had discovered. I wouldn't go to bed until I memorized the names of all the new species.

"On a trip, they found a giant underwater pit of a metal they named Kryptonite, the place was bathed in it. Lots of companies came to take a look, obviously in search of the treasure. One of those was LuthorCorp.”

Lena shouldn't be surprised, but she knew where her narrative was headed. She had put Kara through an avalanche because of them. 

"Krypton's economy wasn’t at its best, and the thing it's like ten times more expensive than rhodium. They thought it would be a good idea to take the deal, a source of Kryptonite in exchange for a steady investment in the island. So he went away, and never came back." Kara was a mess, her sobs muffled by the sleeves of her pajama top, already soaked with tears and snot.

The uncertainty Lena felt all those years turned into morbid hate. Hate for her brother for doing it. Hate for her mother for hiding something like that from her. Hate for the cursed hell pit they had turned her father's company into after his death. 

"He kissed my cheek and said goodbye, and the next day he was gone." She gulped the glass of water and left it on the floor next to their feet. "My mother—she was something like a lawyer. She spent days and nights for months trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Apparently, the submarine they were given was a prototype, and it failed in the middle of the excursion. My mom found out about this and gathered enough evidence to start a case.”

Lena bit her lip. "What was her name?"

"Alura."

"It's beautiful.”

"I guess," Kara shrugged, watching the encouraging smile on Lena's face. "I never knew she was trying to do it. If I could—if I had known and had stopped her nothing would’ve happened,” she sobbed, “but one night, I think I was upstairs when I heard something in the kitchen. A guy was there… a pool of blood next to her—so much blood. She died in my arms, I let my mom die in my arms and in less than four months I lost the world I knew.”

Her heart ached for the woman crying in her arms. Kara had been through trauma, and yet she thrived to be the person who could change the lives of others for the better. If only she had gotten the same thing back.

"Kara... I don't know what to say."

"There is nothing to say." She squeezed Lena’s hand. "It was many years ago, I'm better now. I miss them every day, but I was lucky to find a loving family that reminds me life it's worth living.”

"I knew Lex wasn't the kind of person I wanted him to be, but I could never imagine it would come to this. I'm sorry I didn’t see it sooner.”

"How were you to know? There was nothing we could’ve done. We were kids."

Children linked together by the ends of a tragedy.

Lena felt like a complete fool. She had attacked Kara on her own turf and triggered an attack. And yet, she had blamed the least deserving person out of the bunch.

"Fuck, how does one ever get through this?"

"Shit tons of therapy. By the time I came to my senses, I was already living in Midvale with the Danvers, but they found me an amazing therapist, and I was diagnosed with PTSD. I’ve been taking SSRIs since I turned of age, too. Time is key, mom used to say there's no wound that doesn't heal over time.”

Lena understood, then. The constant swing of emotions and countless hours of energy were consequences of a tragic story, a side effect for the pain her own family had inflicted on a thirteen-year-old girl.

She moved closer to Kara, tracing the skin on her back under her shirt. Lena overlooked the way her breath caught in her throat when Kara rested her head upon her shoulder.

Kara sighed, spent. "About your original question, I've never touched those funds. They go to a research foundation on Krypton.”

"Why do they do that?"

"Out of guilt, or to buy my silence, maybe. They killed my family, if I can take something that doesn't hurt them in the least, be it. I won’t feel guilt about that." Her defensive attitude took Lena by surprise.

"I get it. Just imagine my surprise when I found out the company _I_ own was giving you money for something I didn’t even know.”

"You deserved to know. I always assumed you knew—but you didn't. I don't know, this is a mess," she said, using Lena's hand to get back on her feet. Kara turned on her heels at the sound of a whimper, swallowing hard at the angry red pulsing in Lena’s wrist. "Was it me? Shit, I didn't realize, I'm sorry.”

“It’s ok—”

“No, Lena, it isn’t. This doesn't usually happen, it's been a long time since I've had one of those. Heartbeats calm me down, so as a rule, Alex got me a stethoscope, but I couldn’t think about getting it and then you hugged me and your heart was beating _so_ hard that it wasn't necessary.”

“I’m not blaming you for this.”

She looked so delicate, fragile as if the stitches keeping her together were about to be torn apart. Lena wished she could find a way to ease her pain for good. But life was not simple. Not for them, it seemed. The curve in her shoulders became more pronounced as Lena watched her stroll into the kitchen and come back with more water.

Kara was... beautiful.

Lena hadn't had time to fix on her wardrobe when she waltzed in, and now that she took the time to do so, her heart grew three sizes in her chest. Her pajamas were soft to the touch, navy wrapping her in a comforting embrace. Golden curls were loose, a curtain of hair between them that Lena quickly kicked down by putting a lock of hair behind her ear, cupping her jaw in her hands. 

"Thank you for sharing this with me, it means a lot.” She hoped her words conveyed what she didn’t say before ocean blue eyes watching her with tender serenity. 

Kara was _painfully_ beautiful.

Something was telling her to stop, that neither she nor Kara were in the right mindset to do it. Too distraught to think it through. Whether it was the moonlight sneaking up behind her, or the raw wound Lena had just opened, seeing her so vulnerable pulled at her heartstrings.

But she couldn't resist when the breeze of Kara's lips lured her in.

Lena drew them together with the magnitude of a whirlpool, bringing them down as the water rushed in and they were left under dark depths, the surface long gone.

  
  



	11. I just wanna feel your lips against my skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kara and lena's... journey begins with a heated ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what?? it took them almost 50k words to get things kind of right

Pure ecstasy.

Fleeting, of course, and subdued after being subjected to a panic-stricken misfortune, but still there, growing inside Kara until there was too much to grasp, and the only feasible conclusion was the death of a star. 

Her night had started in the strangest way possible, she should have noticed. Lena brought memories buried in the furthest corners of her mind back to life, accompanied by a sense of relief at being able to share a part of the burden that chased her since she was a child. 

It was hard, but the words began to sprout without inhibition, running to Lena as if they had waited for years to be reunited with her. The uncertainty of not knowing if she was aware, the days of forcing herself to avoid resorting to certain topics in their conversations so as not to draw unwanted attention to certain topics, were over. 

Kara couldn't wait to rub it in Alex’s face.

But then Lena kissed her.

The echo of her sister’s voice—chorused by her own—were clear detractors, standing in a fictitious position of aversion. Kara knew she wasn't in the right mind and that she was too far away to make wise decisions, but Lena was there, as beautiful as ever, holding her and chanting _I’ve got you_ under her breath as if that was the thread warranted to keep her in one piece.

Kara was only human, and a goner for women with dark brown hair, forest green eyes and a mean streak. 

When their lips brushed, she felt herself fade to ashes, being reborn with every sweep of sweet tongue against salty lips brought by bitter memories, familiar but so far away from what she knew. The way Lena fit her hands was also different, fuller. A new map to trace, to memorise every dip and curve.

Long eyelashes fluttered against her cheekbones, the warm tide of Lena's breath wrapping around her lips as they parted, causing Kara to chase after her. 

Lena was watching her with a playful smile when she opened her eyes, the hand on the back of her neck pulling her back to her apartment. "Hey, _you_."

"You still taste the same.”

Lena laughed. "I'm still a loyal Chapstick customer," she said, binding the clasp of Kara’s necklace for her after she offered it. The click deafening in the silence of the apartment. "Feel better yet?”

"Much better." Like she'd just finished a marathon, but alas, Lena was an oasis.

What was the procedure after someone kissed the tears streaming down your face? They had never broached that kind of subject before.

"Tea?" That was appropriate. "Earl grey, right?"

"Yeah, thank you." 

The cold granite was grounding, metal pots tearing at the walls of her cupboard as Kara rummaged through it in search of the kettle she had inherited from Eliza. Tearing the box open and putting a bag in the teapot, Kara waited for it to brew, cleaning the bar to keep her hands busy. 

Her boss was in her living room. She was sitting on the couch that Kara had been sprawled on an hour earlier watching a documentary about seahorses. Lena knew where she lived and made the conscious decision to drive to her building at almost midnight to yell at her for an awful misunderstanding. To kiss her, too. 

"Your apartment is nice."

Kara flinched, squealing as the boiling liquid spilled over the marks on her palm, and pushed the cup to the side to grab a dishcloth."Thank Eliza, she is the mastermind behind this. I'm a big nitwit when it comes to mixing and matching cushions," she confessed.

"Who is Eliza?"

"My foster mother. Alex's mom."

"Thank you," Lena said when Kara put the cup in her hands. "Do you two get along?”

The corner of her lips turned up. "I don't know what would’ve happened if we didn't," she admitted, scratching her eyebrow. "Eliza and Jeremiah were complete angels when they decided to adopt me. Alex—she has been my rock for years, and now I have Kelly and my nephew, too. Life is so much easier knowing I have them, in my corner, you know?”

If fate had decided to put her somewhere else, if no one had taken responsibility for taking care of a thirteen year old with a calamitous tail chasing her every move... Kara couldn't picture her life any other way. 

"I'm glad they found you."

Kara met Lena’s eyes. "Me too."

When they moved back into the living room, Kara was able to see out of the corner of her eye Lena kicking the files-turned-into-spheres underneath the sofa, away from them. 

"So…” Kara puffed her cheeks, interrupted the next second by a leg swinging over her lap, Lena completing like a jigsaw on top of her. She yanked her in by the collar of her pajama top, impatient as she tried to get Kara into it.

It didn't take long for her to catch up, one hand moving to cover Lena's lower back, the other using her neck as leverage, pushing until there was no space between them. Lena did taste the way she remembered it—sweet and intoxicating—even without liters of liquor poisoning their vessels as they gathered the courage to lock themselves in bathrooms to make out. 

Kara traced the arch of her lips one last time before parting, whining when her lower lip was captured by a straight row of perfect teeth. 

"God, you are such a good kisser. It's disgusting," Lena complained, delight swimming in her eyes as Kara nodded, obnoxiously cocky.

"Practice makes perfect, or so I've heard." She gave her a lopsided grin.

"Is that so?" Lena raised an eyebrow, the luscious graze tracing Kara’s neck making her shudder. "You had lots of practice?"

"A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.” Kara dropped her head on the headrest when Lena put two fingers on her forehead and pressed. "Very mature.”

“I feel awful. I’m sorry, again,” Lena said now that she couldn’t meet her gaze.

“The worst part is over, it’s okay.” She sighed. “I should’ve made sure that you knew long before this. This is a lot to take in.”

The bubble was burst by the ring of a phone traveling to them from the place Lena left her purse by the doormat. Kara grunted, watching her walk away to take the call across the room. Too far away from her. But nothing could erase her smile, it was carved into her face like the fine folds of marble sculptures. 

The first time they kissed was a tremor, the aftershocks waking the dormant cliffs of a titan. Awakening Kara from an endless nightmare she thought she would never get out of. She felt as if it was meant to be, as if Lena had been at that party, with those clothes and those lips, to get her out of her own prison with a true love’s kiss. She had definitely left a mark.

"No—I'm very much alive, Samantha. I'm with her," she snorted, beaming at Kara when she snuck a peek through the slivers of her fingers. “We'll talk when I get home. Say good night to Ruby for me. Not you, you better be awake when I get there.”

"Are they staying with you?" Kara asked, watching with a pout as Lena gathered her things.

"Just Sam and her daughter," Lena replied, "Jack is a wild party animal, so he stays in a hotel downtown."

"Yeah, he knows how to party.”

"I better get going, Frank is still downstairs."

Kara deflated, fingers drumming on the armrest. “Frank?"

"My driver.”

"Oh, let me walk you out?" A hopeful try, but it was worth the shot. Even more so if there was a chance for a good night kiss. 

Lena spun on her heels so quickly that Kara had to hold on to the doorknob to keep from crashing into her back. Something in her purse produced a crack as it crashed into the wall by the sheer force of her spin. " _No_. I'd like to keep this between us for a few days. At least until I figure some things out.”

Kara shrugged, resting her own elbow on the door, her hips falling toward it. "That's fine by me. Either way, Alex would have my head if she found out.”

"And we don't want that." Lena put her hands on her abdomen, leaning forward to hover on her lips. _“Our secret?”_

_"Our secret."_ She stretched out to reach for the tantalising smile. 

Biting her lip to tame her bliss as she watched Lena disappear into the elevator, Kara realised that it wouldn't hurt a fly if they kept the update to themselves.

  
  
  
  


If for the next few days Kara wore her best suits and the cologne at the bottom of the drawer that she reserved for special occasions, well, she was a woman on a mission. The game of cat and mouse she had been playing with Lena leveled up, more absolute in its practice than the mischievous smiles and heavy looks across the bullpen used to be. The silent barrier that forbade them to take another step had collapsed and it was up to them to make the jump.

The only thing left to be brought down were doors; to their offices, the rooms in the empty floors of CatCo, to Kara's apartment, collapsing against their backs as they stumbled in with clumsy steps and fervent passion. Lips curling as they ripped through any kind of way into a moment where they could steal privacy, steal kisses and moans.

"Are all your jackets this tight?" Lena breathed hard after a particularly strong nip from Kara in her neck. "Careful, I have a meeting in half an hour." 

"Most are tailored, but this one does feel tighter. I've been working out quite a bit this month, it must be the upper body," Kara bragged.

Her workout schedule remained the same, but after Lena’s visit, sleep took longer to come, and the gym in her building remained open even in the early morning hours. She would make good use of it if it meant she could get rid of the grey clouds by punching bags and bench pressing.

"Keep doing whatever it is you're doing, it looks great," Lena praised, almost salivating at the sight of the seams clinging to the top of her shoulders, and let her handle her body like a rag doll, grunting as she felt the metal edge of a filing cabinet dig into her back and Kara's thumbs fit into the hollow of her hip bones.

"Your wish is my command. Literally, since you are my boss and—" the valley of Lena's chest arched into her face—"point taken. You smell even better up close," Kara confessed, chuckling at Lena's small whimpers.

Were Kara to look herself in a mirror, she knew she would be the perfect portrait of a recently ravished creature, swollen lips and crimson moles splashing her cheeks and jaw like a starry night as she stole a couple more languid kisses.

Slowly, she was becoming obsessed with Lena, once again.

"Time out," Lena pleaded, "I'm going to be late. Eve must be looking for me.”

"Five more minutes is a worldwide known perk of being the boss.”

"If that word comes out of your lips one more time…”

"What are you gonna do? Kiss me? Uh, I'm _so_ scared."

"You think you're so lucky," she said, before backpedaling and dropping a quick peck on her lips. "Fix yourself up before you go out."

Kara swore that she had, that she was fit enough to return to the office without arousing suspicion. It wasn't her fault that Nia seemed to have mind-reading powers.

"Where were you?" she asked as Kara set foot on the floor and tried to comb her hair from the nest that Lena's hands had entangled. "You look like you just escaped a lion cage.”

"I had to run to meet a source.”

"Don't you have like… a car?"

"There’s people that are dying, Nia. My legs are in perfect condition."

"Okay, Miss Environment," Nia mocked, the wheels of her chair spinning until Kara could only see her back, but could hear the teasing laughter in her next words. "You smell good, new perfume?"

"The natural smell of success.” Kara tapped her shoulder with a rolled magazine. 

"Success smells a lot like a certain brunette.”

"She's not the only one who can smell of heaven.” She scratched her chin, trying to soothe the savage pounding on her chest. "Just for that, I'll take an hour off your deadline."

_"Vete al carajo."_

"Tick-tock."

She didn't want to throw Lena into the water because of a clumsy oversight on her behalf. She knew whatever it was they had wasn't the right move for either of them, and if anyone were to find out, it would be a complete nightmare for her and her PR team. She was aware of that. So she took it upon herself to put her acting skills to use and perfect the poker face she'd been practising for a lifetime.

Years of sneaking out her bedroom to watch the early morning sky, turned into sneaking out to meet people with half a face hidden under the shadow of poorly lit pubs and alleys, instilled a certain confidence in her stealth. This was a piece of cake for her.

But she always wore her heart on her sleeve and the emotions in her eyes. She was trying her best. 

Honestly, she thought that to have accepted an unlimited period of time without putting a label on their relationship was to condemn it to failure before it even began, but the freedom she gave them by not being tied to each other by oath was a breath of fresh air. She could have Lena without worrying about what her friends would have to say about it, all to herself.

Life was good, and those three words were the ones she chose as a mantra for the next few days. 

The mornings that followed, although the hottest of the year, were also the brightest, waking Kara up with rays of sunshine on her back, a decent breakfast after her jog and good morning texts from Lena. 

She was barely making her way into the bullpen, happily sipping her slurpee, when she was already being summoned to Lena's office. 

"Sit down," Lena demanded from the other side of the desk, looking delicious in an olive green off the shoulder dress with a plunging neckline. She was to follow orders without question. "Next month is the press conference for L-Corp’s launch, I was hoping maybe you could break the story.”

"Me?" 

"You're the editor in chief, aren’t you?"

"That's right. Editor-in-chief of a company you own," Kara explained, "the issue of peer review and manuscript editing would be chaotic.”

"What? I literally know nothing about running a media empire.”

"And yet you bought CatCo?" 

"You do all the work, I just sit here and look pretty," Lena said.

Kara rolled her eyes, readjusting her body in the chair. "I can't believe it. You spent close to a billion dollars on a company you don't even know how to run?”

"Would you have preferred if Edge bought it? Besides, it was an excellent investment and I do know business," she defended, scribbling on the corner of a journal. She wouldn't go down without a proper fight.

Her lips were tingling, numb and begging to be curled into an amused smile. Let it be Lena the kind of person who would spend a fortune in revenge for the sexist advances of another billionaire mogul.

It was pretty hot.

"You got an empire and the chance to kiss this doll face every day, sounds like a fair bargain." Kara nodded, pointing a finger at innocent irises and biting the straw to hide the growing smile as she felt her shin get hit by the tip of Lena's heel. "Don't act like you don't like it.”

"The point is—" she gave her a sharp look— "can you? This is a big deal for me, I need this to be perfect.” Her gaze drifted to the belt holding Kara's pants in place. 

"Yes, it's a long process, but yes." 

"Stop by L-Corp tomorrow after lunch, I should be off by then. Bring your best compliments."

"For you? I have plenty." She stood up, looking at the city below them, waiting. She wasn’t prepared for the moment Lena pulled her from the buckle, pulling until her thighs collided against a hard surface. She surveyed activity outside the office over her shoulder before turning to Lena, already watching her with a sly smile.

"Tonight." Lena’s hand sank into her pant pocket—Kara was never more grateful for the tight fit in clothing designs—scorching as she slowly withdrew after her fingers loosened the grip on the hotel key, halting when Kara's mimicked the bracelets on her wrist.

"Is there somewhere you can meet me? I have to draft September’s outline and cross-check some quotes, but we can leave together if you want.”

Lena dragged her thumb across the inside of Kara's wrist and nodded before wrapping her arms around her chest. "I'll be here all day.”

"Now—" she tugged the lapels of her jacket and adopted a serious expression—"watch as I throw a tantrum and leave with a clenched jaw to make everyone think I had another argument with our annoying boss.” She pierced her stunt to offer a wink to Lena, turned around and walked out of the glass doors.

There was no way she could have seen Lena's tender eyes. 

Most of the outline was ready. The manuscripts sent to her conveyed a fair balance between fluff pieces, the imminent arrival of Labor Day weekend, segments devoted to American participation in the Venice film festival, and a wide variety of hard-hitting journalism. In fact, the hardest part—she hated having to reject unappealing pieces—had been covered days earlier, she only had to perform the final review of the content to ensure the absence of grammatical and spelling errors. A task she could venture in with a blindfold, but the tension coiling in the dark pit of her stomach didn’t allow her to concentrate on what she was reading, not even the mundane, glaring flags of possessive adjectives and contractions of the verb to be being mixed. 

Kara loved her work. It wasn’t what she had dreamed of as a child, but she didn’t have regrets at all about the turning point in her life. The years of effort, the days of humiliation and being frowned upon were worth it, Kara would relive them in an infinite loop if it meant the outcome would always be to work in a company that gave her freedom to expound ideals, writing and reporting problems that affected the development of humanity.

But as she stole looks to the clock, the minute hand ticking three laps before taking a significant leap, she hated everything to do with the publication. Could not have cared less about the editorial boards and stories to be published.

"Madeline," she called, hoping her tone would be loud enough to reach her assistant. “Can you get Charlie on the line, please?”

"Right away, Ms. Danvers.”

The sound of the phone came, and Kara picked up the call before moving the cursor over the screen to bring it to life.

_"Ahoy. Charlie here, who's there?"_

"Your boss."

_"The nice one or the dyed blonde?"_

"The one who can and will fire you if you keep that up, I've told you a thousand times I don't do anything to my hair," Kara hissed, crossing her ankles and inching closer to the screen. A visit to the optometrist was due soon. "Is this the layout for the web page?"

Charlie hummed, _"what page are you on?"_

"Barely made it through the cover. Can you remove some headlines? Take out the second and sixth, and make the zodiac tips an inside story.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “Write _magnetic_ , instead of incredible n the main line. Hey, did you know Veronica Sinclair's new film will debut in Venice?"

_"Yes, the fiancée did the interview,"_ Charlie scoffed, the angry roll of her eyes almost audible in her voice. _"That's all she talks about these days, I felt like she was there with us having breakfast this morning, what does she have that I don't?"_

"Tattoos are _hot_ ," she replied, "and a new film debuting in Venice. Green doesn't look good on you.”

_"I have Zari. So, Sinclair, zero, Charlie, all the points.”_ Kara laughed, shaking her head. _"Speaking of green monsters, did you know Veronica and boss lady dated when skull print and colored denim were the hottest trends?"_

Yes, she knew. "No, I had no idea."

_"Right,"_ Charlie snorted, _"I'll take the mediocre lie and pretend I never saw you stalking Lena when you were part of us mere mortals and we shared a desk.”_

"Take the flags off the table of contents, leave just one—people dig patriotism these days, and maybe you'll keep your job.”

_"Whatever you say, boss."_

Between the manuscript edition, the phone call, and minutes spent on dutiful procrastination, by the time she checked, two hours had gone by since Madeline peeked through the doorway to say goodbye. 

The only lighting on the floor, apart from the corridors, was the chandelier in Lena's office. She was facing the wall behind the desk, so she didn’t see Kara sneaking in, unease tensing her body when Kara wrapped her arms around her waist and put her chin on her shoulder. It was gratifying to feel the strain bleed out as she realized who it was.

"You good to go?" Kara asked, eyes bright and Lena turned around and raised her arms to join her hands behind her neck. Kara grinned from ear to ear when a kiss landed on her lips, fitting her upper lip with the delicate hue of Lena's.

"I was waiting for you."

The road was quiet despite the nightlife. Not an uncomfortable silence like that night at the diner, but a hushed pause where she was given the opportunity to marvel at Lena, who was watching trees and highway signs flashing behind them through the window. The pleasant slope of her nose, the pouty soft lips hidden behind a crimson war armour and the spinning curve of her jaw, leading to a free fall to Kara's favorite spot, her neck.

The car stopped in front of a large expanse of stairs when Kara spotted the sign that matched the emblem on the key card. Lena got out of the car, looking at her through the window before barking orders. "Don't be long."

Finding a place to park would have been a complicated task, if she had done so. Kara launched the car keys at the first girl she saw wearing a bomber jacket with the word valet embroidered on the back, crossed the lobby in a hurry and banged her feet on the floor all the way up the lift, buzzing with energy the second the doors reached the empty hallway of the suite.

She slipped the card through the reader and turned the knob, finding Lena standing by the mini-bar. She toed off her shoes and barged in the bedroom, the mattress bouncing under her. "The secrecy is hot and all that jazz but remind me again why an hotel? There's a perfectly private apartment waiting in Hope Street," she said, placing her clasped hands under her head, taking her eyes off the ceiling as Lena appeared with a bottle and two glasses in her hands.. "No, thanks. I’m driving."

She disregarded Lena's bewildered eyes. 

"You know... there’s probably no hotel room in Switzerland we didn’t sneak into.”

“For someone who didn't seem to give a shit, you’re quite the romantic.”

"What are you talking about?" Lena hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip.

Pupils flaring as Lena found home on her lap, knees bracketing each side of her hips, Kara leant on her forearms, sitting half-right despite hands on her abdomen trying to shove her into the mattress. "Wasn't hard for you to discard me like an outdated toy.” She gritted her teeth, guiding her mouth to the mesmerising mole on the milky column of her throat. The skin was so mellow and pleasing to the touch. 

Her eyes darted behind her shoulder before landing on Kara again, forehead furrowed. "I didn't do that."

"Yeah, right." 

Truth be told, she didn't want to bring old ghosts to the bed when there was a statuesque goddess on top of her, so, this time, she let Lena have her fun and join their hands on the mattress above her head, sucking her teeth when Lena grinded down, chasing her in a breathtaking tandem. 

The grunt knotted in her throat escaped, deep and severe, and she squeezed the white sheets tightly as the palm on her chest eased them back onto the soft surface, fronts brushing before she was caught up in a frantic kiss, inviting her tongue to follow inside. When Lena’s lips parted, her tongue darted out to trace specks of molten heat and Kara fought not to let it devour her whole, keeping the same pace as sparks ignited in her body.

Long, thin fingers ran down her shoulders and neck, until they stopped at the hollow of her collarbones, right above the button on her shirt. Kara stirred, self-conscious, but still allowed Lena to loop buttons through holes down to the navel, her velvety tongue slippery and tasting a coupage of chardonnay and pinot in the darkness of her mouth.

"Wait," she gasped after Lena discarded her jacket and headed for the buckle with eager hands. "Hold on a sec."

Lena froze, clutching her arms. Kara's hands splayed on her ass forbade Lena from getting off her lap, her green eyes went round and she swallowed. "You okay? Did I do something wrong? I should have asked befo—"

"You're too hot and I've dreamed of the moment I finally make you mine," Kara heaved, eliciting a blush from Lena's cheeks. "But the meds I take decrease libido, my sex drive is kind of... let's just say it's a complete mood killer.” She dropped her head, hanging from her neck in shame.

"Oh, it’s quite alright," Lena comforted her. Kara sighed as her head was raised by a hand on her chin. "We don't have to do anything. Not now and not ever, okay? There's nothing wrong with that.”

"But I really want to.”

"Then we'll find a way, but not tonight. You'll have to settle for some humble kisses.” She pursed her lips, Kara met her halfway.

By the time Lena parted from her, thoroughly kissed and completely disheveled, moonlight beams drawing a halo over the shiny black that framed her features, Kara was breathing heavily, the new shade of purple on her neck contrasting with the lipstick stains scattered on her chest and cheeks.

That's how the film started rolling, at least that's how it had over a hundred months ago. With furtive rendezvous under the world's nose, avoiding being found while committing warm-blooded crimes that deprived them from seeing clearly, the haziness of their brains being confused with lust. 

Just like that, as if taken from the portrait of a familiar narrative already familiar to both of them. Extinguishing a fire with innocent kisses, crossing a line that delimited the frontiers of passion, until the blast made a hole in the clock and sand grains escaped along with her time with Lena, leaving Kara stranded with souvenirs of a country whose streets screamed her name. 

"This is so much fun. Why did we ever stop?" Lena asked. The glass of champagne she had poured disappeared in a gulp.

Kara worked hard not to sneer an answer. "It's getting late. Need a ride?" She had important things to do.

"Do you know how many people would die for the chance to have me in bed?”

"Do you know how many people are dying to watch National Geographic’s documentary airing tonight? I don't know the exact numbers, but I am one of them,” Kara countered back, twirling her suit jacket with her index finger.

"Are you leaving me because you want to see a couple of flying birds mating?" Lena groaned when Kara just stared. "We have a perfect seventy-five inch TV and unlimited room service, why not keep the party in this room?”

Lena shrieked as a wrecking ball in the shape of Kara knocked her to the bed, complaining as she felt the air escape from her lungs. 

That night, they fell asleep with hands tied together, Lena resting her head upon Kara’s shoulder, and, unbeknownst for them, hearts full of new hope.

  
  
  
  


Since she was a little girl, Kara had had a miniscule aversion to dark colours. Not that she hated them, per se, she just wasn't their biggest fan. _Yes_ , the vast majority of her closet were royal blues, greys and blacks, but that was because Cosmopolitan once told her they were three must-have in a professional wardrobe. If it were up to her, she would remove them from any palette without a second thought.

It was logical that the L-Corp building would give her the creeps.

In almost three years since the opening of the company's headquarters in National City, she hadn’t dared to step on the smooth black marble tiles for fear of leaving a muddy footprint and being exiled as punishment. The gray walls and monochromatic decor did make the place a perfect location for a dungeon set in a futuristic era. 

Alex once told her that the building had been erected over a cemetery.

Her hands were sweating, leaving imprints on the elevator buttons when she rushed to press her floors. The doors opened and closed a couple of times before throwing her to her fate, driving her to a desk that hid a woman with a kind smile behind its high walls.

"Good afternoon, I have a meeting with Lena Luthor. I’m–"

She looked up, an intrepid expression adorning her features. _"Kara Danvers."_

"You know who I am?

"You have plenty of followers in this building, me included," she said, "but it's my duty to know who my boss is meeting.”

Her mouth curved into a smile, and she pulled at her tie before stretching her hand out for her to take it. "Of course. That said, I'm Kara Danvers, but you can call me Kara. I correct typos for a living.”

"I'm Jess, I make a living out of putting up with Lena Luthor.”

"Hey, that would look great on our résumés.” She rested her arms on the surface of the desk, hollowing her cheeks when she heard a voice behind her.

"It won't do you any good if you're fired by said Luthor."

"You couldn't handle a day without me, Ms. Luthor," Jess said with a mocking smile.

"No one has to know that," Lena quipped before addressing Kara, "Ms. Danvers, it's good to see you. Come on in, please."

She couldn't stop the laughter from bubbling up her throat once inside. "Ms. Danvers?"

Lena's office was an entirely different matter. Rich shades of white flooded the room—from the sofa on one side, to the desk and the ornaments on top of the shelf on her right. The vase on the desk was filled, Kara felt a void in her stomach as she noticed that they were her mother's favorite. 

The bright colours and the delicate nuances were a tender reminder that, no matter what, Lena would always fall into the light. 

"My mother loved plumerias.”

"They're pretty rare," Lena admitted, voice a lot cooler than the night before. "Where were you in the morning?

Kara shrank and was suddenly enraptured with the floor to ceiling windows. She didn't mean to leave her alone, but she woke up in the middle of the night, desperate to return to the familiarity of her own bed and the light left on all night. It was a dick move, she was aware, but a necessary evil at the same time.

"I had an early morning, didn't want to bother you.”

"Okay. Shall we start?"

The seat felt uncomfortable under Lena's gaze. She had done hundreds of interviews with all kinds of people, but this one felt like her biggest test. Kara took the tape recorder out of her satchel and began introducing herself and then Lena before starting the questionnaire that took her all morning to write.

She started with the basics, asked questions about the company and its development since Lena arrived in town, refraining from wandering to sensitive subjects such as her private life and family. She did ask why Lena chose the path of science, and how growing up in a business-based family could have slowed down her process. 

"L-Corp has been teasing an upcoming launch, giving some clues that seem to lead to something big. What, exactly, is the company venturing into?"

Lena smiled. "Teleportation." Her smile grew wider as she saw Kara's jaw going slack.

"What?"

"In September, L-Corp will announce the first successful teleportation portal on the planet. The prototype is ready for testing."

"Lena," Kara gasped. 

"Pretty badass, right?"

"Ho–How did you accomplish something like this? Rao, Lena this is huge." She covered Lena's hand with hers, squeezing.

"This is supposed to revolutionize the way everything is transported. Eliminate famine, the need for fossil fuels," Lena said, calmly, "I want to help my planet.”

"How?"

"What do you know about quantum entanglement?" she laughed as Kara grimaced. "Polyatomic anions?

"Oh! I remember that from college. It's a set of two or more negatively charged atoms joined by a covalent bond, right?"

"Correct. The reaction of the polyatomic anions is supposed to spark the generator. We found the way to increase the anion input without overloading the energy output, all while maintaining the element synthesis rate as a constant. Balance.” Lena kept talking, terminology that, if Kara wasn’t so used to hear from her lips, probably would have left her reeling.

This was something incredible. A milestone that had been cooking in the minds of the brightest for years, never finding viable solutions to issues that were born out of trial and error.

Kara strolled around her desk, bowing down to her level and stroking Lena’s cheek with her thumb. "You're amazing, I'm proud of you."

"You are?" She asked, voice raspy before she cleared her throat.

"Are you kidding? I always knew you were a genius, but this goes way beyond that. Do you have any idea what this means? You will change the world."

Her chest heaved up and down, and Lena had to take a deep breath before she could voice her thoughts. "Well, my team had a lot to do with it.”

She often tried to put herself in the same category as her family, firmly believing that her name was an omen, that she was destined to orchestrate the downfall of humanity. But Lena was as good as they came. It sucked that she wasn’t aware.

Kara took Lena's hand and made her stand up, guiding her with both hands on her hip to the desk, pushing until Lena sat on it and wrapped a leg around her, digging a heel into the back of her thighs.

"Do you think you have a free night for this ordinary human to take you out before you rock our world?" she asked, hopefully. She dived again before she could get an answer, luxuriating in the lips she was acquainted with with a new fervor installed in the last minutes, and rubbed circles on the patch of bare skin between the hem of her skirt and the knee-high boots, whimpering as Lena sucked on her lip. 

Neither could have heard the knock on the door, too distracted with the other to notice until it was too late. Kara didn't have time to let Lena go before the door burst open and Jess materialized out of thin air, not being able to keep the shock off her face. 

Kara turned her head to the side, facing away from the woman's scrutinizing gaze, but didn't step away from Lena, who had one arm hanging off her shoulders and one hand resting firm on her chest. 

"Shit," she murmured with a bitter laugh. "How can I help you, Jess?"

"I'm–I'm sorry, but you weren't answering and I thought that–”

_"Jess."_

"You have an unannounced visitor, should I let them in?"

Then, Lena got off her desk and drew a wide space between them. "Give us a minute, please."

The door closed behind her with such patience that the noise was almost deafening to her dazzled mind. She was afraid to face Lena. "So much for keeping things secret,” she teased, hoping the joke would have a positive effect. 

"It's all right. I'm just glad it was her, she won't say a thing.” Lena rubbed her nose, eyes still glued to the floor. 

When the door opened again, Kara was ready to leave, but she hadn't prepared for the moment Andrea Rojas walked in, looking like a blue-eyed nightmare in designer heels.

Yes. 

Pure ecstasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, andrea, sweet andrea
> 
> hey hey, thank you so much for reading this chapter! have a lovely weekend <3


	12. 'Round avoiding you it's gotta end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kara begins to feel the september blues and makes dumb decisions, andrea rocks things for them and there's a lot of clubbing involved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw //
> 
> violence, recreational drinking, blood, display of transphobia and mentions of mental illness

Lena Luthor was not the type of person to be bombshelled by unexpected events. She had been raised in a dramaturgy militia.  _ Don’t react, remain stoic, show no emotion and you might get a reward later _ was all she had known her whole life. 

It wasn’t classic of her, backfiring in raucous ways in the face of spontaneity, but Andrea managed to ambush her while she was out of her element, showing up at her office to wax poetic remorse and the news that she had officially acquired the empty floors below the company Lena bought not more than half a year ago.

There was a reel of that interaction replaying in her head.

The mid-afternoon sun was at its shiniest, beams of yellow vitamin penetrating the pergola located right at the edge of a pond, Lena warily glancing through the dark tint of her sunglasses to see Ruby feeding ducks—the birds creating ripples in the water as they fought for a piece of bread made her think of Kara and the aggravating yet adorable documentary she had to endure nights ago.

"Do you think she did it on purpose?" Lena wondered out loud, index finger skimming the rim of her glass. At that rate, she would be drunk on mimosas by the time brunch arrived.

"Think of it as a cool-headed transaction," Sam said, not taking her eyes off her daughter. "CatCo’s located on the busiest street in the city, National City's own Silicon Valley. Andrea buying part of the building for headquarters probably has nothing to do with you.”

"That idea sounds wicked apt," Jack acknowledged, gesturing to Sam. "Or it could be the fact that she still one hundred percent wants to tap Lena, and is using the appearance of a business opportunity to get her way.” Lena bit her nail and fidgeted with the ring sat on her little finger. "Wait, would you want that?" 

She didn't want to have anything to do with Andrea Rojas, not anymore. 

What they had had was good while it lasted, even when everything they went through was condemned to end in failure since the day their parents set in stone that joining forces through two teenage heiresses would be a successful seed for them to harvest. 

Every box marked with Andrea’s name in her home and in her heart, Lena had gotten rid of a long time ago. The only thing that lingered was the familiar ghost that had her asking herself  _ what ifs _ and making up scenarios of events that now would never happen on the nights she felt particularly lonely. But those lonely nights were now filled by clandestine outings in places where no one could find her and Kara, filled with careful lips, bright eyes and broad shoulders. She was the one to satisfy her needs, and, honestly, Lena didn’t need more. For now.

Kara and her muffled, wanton noises were the only reason that Lena was caught off guard that day, and why the first meeting with her ex after years was a disproportionate balance that knocked her off her game and gave Andrea all the power to run circles around her.

She was making Lena do things that left her caught in the crossfire, raise the shield of all her walls and forget to maintain the righteousness of the public figure she had been cultivating since her parents decided it was appropriate to introduce her into society.

Blame for the inner state of turmoil trailed off and with its legs crawled up to Kara by Lena’s petty direction, even when she suspected Kara was one of the reasons why her feelings for Andrea had completely gone away.

"No," Lena said, "that has its own casket in the past. But she doesn't seem to get the memo yet, she tried to kiss me!”

"You're the first person I’ve met who’s cross about a hot chick throwing herself at you.” Jack laughed, zipped his mouth close and threw the symbolic key back, sobering up after Lena paired him with a pragmatic twitch of her jaw.

"It's pretty cool when you actually want it to happen.” For example, Kara's kisses were exquisite. That's something Lena wanted to happen, often. "Having to see her on my way to CatCo will be a fucking nightmare, I’m sure."

"There aren’t feelings on your side, and you told us you guys broke up on good terms," Sam stepped in. "Don’t worry about it. Talk to her and set the record straight: no more monkey business between you two.” 

It was easy, set and go.

Lena’s skills on demanding things from others were sharp. 

But... the confusing soft spot housing Andrea was performing wicked games. There was something stopping her from nipping the problem in the bud. 

Perhaps it was the decadence of her mother's words marking Lena with daily reminders of never being able to find anyone who would put up with her, and the fact that the rest of her relationships were passing, fleeting as if vouching for Lillian's augury.

Perhaps, it was the fear that, if she gave up that reliable opportunity, no one would bother to hold her back from diving on a flight in search of something she didn't even dare to name, afraid it would run away from her at the mention. 

Lena longed for answers inside the swirl of ripped napkins, but she got nothing.

When her phone lit up minutes after Sam went to meet her daughter at the pond, she was quick to snatch it from the table and the thoughts off her troubled brain. She slid her thumb across the screen and overlooked Jack's inquisitive glances.

_ "Hey, you." _ Kara's deep voice made her heart race at the same pace of her fingers drumming on the glass table. Almost choking down the remaining half-full glass of orange juice, she stopped herself before the speed sent the cherry tomatoes in her salad flying.

"I was just thinking about you," Lena whispered as she noticed Jack fixated on the sight of Sam attempting to feed ducks.

_ "Would you mind sharing with the class?” _

"Nothing too outrageous. Today’s suit is… lovely, blue looks great on you.”

_ "I’ve been told that before, but thank you anyway.” _

Lena rolled her eyes, exasperated, and bit the temple of her glasses. "Try and take a compliment without being so conceited, for once.”

_ "Can’t do, sorry.” _

"Is there a reason you're calling or did you just want to ruin my brunch?"

_ "Brunch, how fancy." _ Kara laughed.  _ "What are you having?" _

Lena plucked a tomato off her plate. "Caesar, I’m an easy customer. Want me to save you some?"

_ "How you manage to drain the fun out of everything about food is beyond me.” _ Lena could picture the adorable grimace on Kara's face.

_ Adorable? _

She should stop using her name and that word in correlated sentences.

_ "I was calling to remind you about tomorrow night. You’ll see what real food is. I can't go around saying I'm seeing someone who eats grass for fun, what will people think of me?" _

The wide smile that grew on her face was obliterated before Lena could even realize she was doing it. She was lucky that the sun hat she wore shadowed half her features and kept the joy in her little boxes.

_ "Unless you've already forgotten our plans, that is." _

Lena knew Kara was joking, but guilt pulled down her gut with it. "I'll be there to give you a lecture on gastronomy.  _ You _ can't keep living on a strict carb diet, you'll regret it when your vessels get clogged up long before you get your first grey hair.”

_ " _ _ I'm a big, walking carb and I see you lick your fingers after taking a taste. _ _ Pick a side, Luthor."  _ The heat on her face caused sweat drops to gather on her eyebrows.  _ “You have company?" _ Kara asked after perceiving Jack's stentorian summoning of their brunch companions back to the table.

"Just my friends."

_ "Oh." _ A pause.  _ "Wait, they know?" _

"Not yet.”

The lack of sentiment that Kara's silence sprouted sent her spiraling.

_ "That's cool," _ she eventually added, knowing there was nothing more to say.  _ "I’ll leave you with your brunch and your oblivious friends. I hope you  _ don't  _ enjoy your meal, sweetheart.” _

The phone went straight to her purse and the temptation to call Kara again just to hear her was quenched. Being attracted to voices had always been one of her downfalls, and Kara’s was so... Kara. 

She couldn’t get enough of it.

The plates of food scattered on the table vanished in between talks of the last days of summer vacation and going back to school. Greens and scrambled eggs continued to fill hers and Sam's plates, while the French toasts and strawberry jam were devoured by Jack and Ruby's avid appetite.

Picking crumbs of wheat from Jack’s shirt was a funny juxtaposition, and Lena thought of Kara. 

She couldn't get enough of her. Apparently.

"Who was it on the phone?" he asked, licking his fingers and pushing his plate away with a pleased hum.

"Jess." Lena lied, slipping into the scam with ease. "She's been pretty persistent this week, what with the launch coming up and all.”

It wasn't a complete lie. Her secretary was breathing down her neck. Lena hadn’t flickered her off her shoulder due the fact Jess had become a walking reminder, and every time she opened her mouth it was to spew half-assed jests at her boss about the scene she saw in the office.

She was an irritating time bomb. But the timer was set to ignite her mouth long after the span of a millennium, Lena was pleased with that.

"So you usually flirt with  _ all  _ of your employees or was I just lucky enough to hear it once?”

In a patented Lena Luthor move, Jack Spheer's toes got stomped by red bottoms.

Jack and Sam had met Kara, warmed up to her—like if it was difficult given the fact she was the morning sun when it first came out— and knew that there was the slight chance Lena was under a spell.

There wasn't an issue born from them knowing  _ about  _ Kara. Not at all. They were her friends, and mummies when it came to her secrets. But them finding out meant hours and hours of being stung by endless mockery, and Lena hated being teased with her current outlet of indomitable energy. Besides, it also was losing the ardent adrenaline of an affair, and Lena wasn’t ready to give that up yet. 

"Don't let it go to your head, I inherited charms from my father." 

"Someone in the office just sent me an online invitation for an Obsidian fundraising, Andrea told you about that?” Sam asked, brows creasing while she slid her forefinger across the screen of her iPad.

Lena hummed, setting her glasses back in place. “A tennis tournament in Loraine, you know, a smart stunt before landing in NC. Donations will go to the children’s hospital."

"Are you playing? You’re more of a foil girl. No offence, but you really suck at tennis. My gardener keeps finding balls hidden in the bushes from our last game." Jack laughed, high-fiving Sam.

"Of course not." Lena huffed, offended. She had the perfect candidate. "I'll ask Kara.”

"Ah, yes. She's got moves." It was innocuous in thought, but Lena choked on his words and air fled her lungs. "Get us Royal Box. I wouldn't miss your ex and your new arm candy fighting to death for your affections.”

The thought had also been floating around in her mind since the idea was hinted at.

"She’s not arm candy, nor mine.” 

“Okay, killjoy. But I’m dying to see this, so you better come through.”

  
  
  
  


There was a classified file of the handful of times Lena had been to Kara’s building; the first time, she was seething and bearing destruction. The second, she had impatient lips glued to her neck and her eyes were screwed shut with pleasure, it wasn’t her fault that she wasn’t aware of her surroundings… the third was like coming upon a brand new world, born at the expense of her own distraction. 

She lived in a nice apartment complex not so far from downtown, and  _ too _ far from Lena’s home. The lobby wasn’t wide and eccentric as the place she was familiar with, but quite comfy with its cashmere love seats, fuzzy rugs and colorful paintings greeting her as Lena trudged to the lift, thumbing the leather of her Birkin to stop herself from fidgeting.

Lena wasn’t nervous, not at all. But years had passed since her last date that was actually labeled  _ date _ instead of  _ Tinder hook up _ or  _ meet me in this hotel room _ . The flirtatious edge was rusty, and even if they were staying in, the itch to forego awkward behaviour was ticking her nerves.

Kara was a familiar face, and wanted to do this, with her. Lena saw it in the way she never relented after her own  _ relentless _ , loathsome displays.

It didn’t have to be so hard. It wasn’t the crystal lit dinners in Michelin 3-star restaurants she was used to, but it was going to be take out and blueberry slurpees with Kara.

Somehow, it was bound to be perfect.

The knock was equally calm and anxious, and answered so fast Lena could’ve sworn the shadows under the doorway had been Kara’s own pacing.

“You’re beautiful,” Kara said in lieu of greeting, opening the door to let her in. 

She lost advantage when she hopped off her heels, but sighed when Kara hooked her in a warm hug, dropping a kiss to her hairline.

“Have you seen you?” Lena inquiried, high on her tip-toes to reach the tantalising lips, stepping away to take a better look. Kara was wearing plaid trousers and a white, long-sleeved turtleneck, and Lena… panting way before she walked in. “What is it with the SUVs downstairs? Frank couldn’t find a spot to park.”

Kara frowned, the sight through the balcony partially obstructed. “We’re near City Hall, someone big must be in town.” She shrugged, guiding Lena to the living room with their pinkies linked, her bony knuckles grazing Lena’s ring, and sat down in the armrest of the sofa, bringing Lena between her legs.

“I missed you this morning.” The words were unstoppable and eager to earn a reward.

“Going soft on me, Ms. Luthor?” A curl of her lips betrayed her cocky act. “I missed you, too. These last days were boring, could’ve used the rush.” 

_ Just wait till you find out. _

“Feeling Italian tonight?” Lena had never heard a worst accent, but the smile behind it was too kissable to mind it. “Because, I don’t mean to brag, but my broccoli pesto is to die for.”

“I thought you didn’t like veggies?”

“They’re gross, but I  _ like _ you. That’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

Lena bit her lip, tasting her lipstick if only to stop herself from saying something just as soft. “Weren’t you going to teach me about cuisine?”

“Lena, I’m pretty close to turning this veggie date night into an all-you-can-eat grease event. Don’t tempt me.”

“Just a thought. You sounded quite menacing, threatening me with a good time and the meal of my life.”

“I  _ am  _ giving you the meal of life, just you wait.” Kara splayed her large hands on Lena’s back, but it was the kiss on the tip of her nose that weakened her knees.

“Oh,  _ game on. _ ” Lena cooed over the candles on the table, swooned when Kara pulled out the chair for her and was completely enamored seeing her fidgeting with her necklace while trying to pick a bottle. “White, it goes better with pesto.” 

Her hand landed on the bottle before Lena could finish her contribution.

They winded up talking about Kara’s proclivity for sugary food, lashing harmless banter in the living room after Kara knocked down her glass and making out on the floor next to the table, dishes empty and them hungry for dessert. 

Kara leaned against the couch, Lena happily perched on her lap, pupils blown wide under the soft light of the chandelier, lids drooping with every rough nip on her neck and grind down her lower body.

“It’s not the end of the world, is it?” Lena jested once she had Kara tamed, blue and glazed eyes pinned on her with an enthralled, drunk smile.

“Hmm?”

“Having a spark of green on your plate.”

“S’okay, I guess,” she said, transfixed by Lena’s mole. 

“You should do it more often.” 

“Yeah.”

“It’s good for you, even if you seem to have nailed the art of looking like a sculpture.”

“Aye.”

She rolled her eyes, but took the plunge, taking advantage of the fact Kara was somewhere else. “You know how there are vacant offices in CatCo’s building? Obsidian is opening headquarters there.” Lena wanted to backtrack the moment she felt Kara do so, freezing and seizing her thumbs away from the circles they were rubbing on her ribs.

_ “What?” _ Kara squeaked, mouth dry for complete different reasons than it was seconds ago.

“That’s why she was in my office last week, she came to tell me about the acquisition.”

_ “Ah.” _

It was simple. Brusque. And the last thing Lena wanted was to make a fuss out of the news, so why was the silence drumming in her ears?

Kara glanced past her shoulder to the silent film they were using for background lightning. “Kelly hasn't mentioned something about this.”

“I don’t think she knows, yet.”

“Why did Andrea tell you if not even her employees know?” She bellowed, scowling, fists curled into rocks nestled beside her. 

Lena should have waited. Shouldn’t have dumped that on Kara while her defences were lowered.

Years of easy discussions escalating into thrashing arguments had installed a glaring dread for confrontation. That was the main reason why she avoided the touchy subject of Andrea, not because she was ignorant, but because she was truly afraid that if she decided to take the lid off the loaded pandora box, the demons of her past mistakes—the ignoring, the using and the leaving her behind—would come back to chase her, to pierce and slash until the cliff they were standing on collided and left them forsaken and dying in the way down.

She was terrified of Kara realising Lena didn’t deserve her constant support, and then it would be her the one walking out the door.

Expecting people to leave was part of every bond she had made, abandonment was a friend. But Lena hated the idea of seeing Kara go, too.

Irresponsibility was the only thing that drove her to keep that demon hidden in its slumber. “Part of that building belongs to me. I was bound to know sooner or later, I’m just glad she smothered the punch,” she admitted, jostling when Kara rose to her feet. 

“Andrea once again comes to the rescue, isn’t she thoughtful?” The snap wasn’t directed at Lena, but it deterred her from reaching out, hand falling to her own detriment with a thud. 

“Well, I can’t control what she does now, can I?” 

There wasn’t an abstract idea of the look on her face, but somehow, it got Kara to take a deep breath, playing with her thumbs while the burst of anger waned. “I don’t trust her.”

“I don’t trust Andrea much these days, either.” Her hand took new flight and landed on the ridges of Kara’s spine. She decided it was better to rip the bandaid whole, better than letting Kara bleed and scab only to dig into the wound days later. “So, how is your tennis?”

The crease on her eyebrows was adorable.

_ Ah…  _ that word again.

“There’s a court near Alex’s and we sometimes go there, but not as much as I used to. Why?”

“Her company is doing a fundraising for the Luthor Children’s Hospital, and L-Corp is sponsoring because, you know, that hospital is mine. But CatCo was asked to participate, and you’re my choice.”

“I feel honored that you have such faith in me.”

“Of course I do, but the decision was made on the premise of seeing you in a tight, little skirt and a tank top. A girl’s gotta look out for herself.” She was happy to comply and reach for the kiss offered, no matter how short-lived, rewarded for her efforts after Kara decided it wasn’t enough and pulled her into her lap again. Lena was goo in her hands.

“Alrighty, what could go wrong?”

* * *

For Kara, absolutely everything could go wrong.

And it did. No doubt.

She was pissed when Lena broke the news about Andrea and Obsidian, pissed that threat meant she was probably going to slip from her hands rather sooner than later, that Lena would dump her just to go chase Andrea like a love-sick puppy. Again. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. 

There was the urge to show that she, too, could be a befitting option for Lena. If that meant using her aces and training day and night with Alex for the rust to be removed and polished back into the shiny armour, that was exactly what she was going to do.

The humid, breezy nights of training with her sister, perfecting what she trusted were still her best moves while leaves rustled, could not be compared to the actual thing, jarring lights drawn to Kara and Andrea like spotlights that she despised in the apex of a misanthropic outburst. 

A geyser would collapse and engulf her as she watched the camp brimming with greedy patrons, an audience that emerged amidst her concentration with its hustle and bustle and provoked alienation to haul her further and further away from the court. 

It wasn’t wise to let the whispers or shouts go to her head, so she drew a line and used tunnel vision not to be taken away, only violating her self-imposed rules to extract courage from Nia’s thumbs up and Lena’s stealthy winks snuck between points. 

The latter was what had stopped her all night long from launching the racket to the other side.

She wasn't entirely sure she would be up against Andrea, as there were other companies involved and many names on the ballot for chance—or disastrous fate—to put them on the same track. 

_ "Love, thirty," _ the chair umpire said, loud through the speakers, and gave Andrea a warning when she mumbled under her breath.

But luck was on her side that night.

Tonight was all about charity, to put on a show for the people who emptied their wallets to enjoy, but they had taken it so personal they had turned a friendly event into their own no man’s land. 

Andrea knew how to play, Kara couldn't deny it, but the talent was easily matched by her guile, and she didn't know if it was due to her nature or the fact that they both were dueling to death.

Kara was close to a breaking point that left her afloat. The tremor in her hands from the hubbub wasn’t a friendly advantage over the rage that ran through her. The handle of her racket distorted under the force with which she held it could only be held accountable to Andrea's foul play.

"Advantage, Danvers."

_ She had it. _

But then the course of the ball, last hit by her opponent, reached the net before falling into her court in a lucky outcome. 

The mischievous smile was fuel.

"Oh, come on!" Kara spoke to the judge, whipping her racket into the air. "She hit the net twice in the same game."

In her rage, she took them to the match tie break.

First points were extremely easy to get, Andrea's mind seemed to be anywhere but there, so she took advantage of that little gap, and with a nice drop-shot, she pocketed without ease. 

The hardest part was when Andrea came to her senses, an unbreakable density. 

Kara was already beginning to feel the fatigue after two hours. Her legs were heavy every time she sprinted, and her biceps would soon compress from overuse. But she would take the victory to the club where they were meeting after, no matter if she died in the attempt. 

And apparently, Andrea heard her thoughts because attacking was what she did.

A foolish mistake was made, she rushed to take the win with a shot seen only from amateurs. She was ready to take Andrea's smash and move on, stationed on the upper right corner of her court as she watched Andrea swerve in a serve-like motion.

But then the drop of the ball never came, and searing pain pierced her ribs, spreading through her entire body before it came back full force to her midriff.

The sound of the stadium falling silent with a collective exclamation was appalling.

" _ Oops, _ I hope that didn't hurt." A deep, sweet voice said, the tone of feigned innocence probably reaching the audience, but not her. 

Kara cradled her torso, her chest moving up and down in tandem with the ragged breaths as she wiped away the tears welling up in her eyes. She bit the inside of her cheek, almost puncturing the flesh with the force of her attack, to avoid exploding into the rusticity that would surely disqualify her from the game. 

Unbearable throbbing in her side and all, Kara got the match point, so she prepared for her serve, summoning every night shared with Lena, before and after, using the memory of being dumped without warning for the woman occupying the other half of the court as ammo. That awful reminder was the one that struck the ball with a clean ace and gave her the victory, embracing the uproar as it rained on her. 

The first thing she did—after a rather obnoxious celebration—was to reach the row where Lena was sitting in the middle of her friends, but the screeching of her shoes against the lawn stopped her in her tracks, thinking that it would be weird for spectators to see Kara shoving her tongue into her boss’ mouth, so she only offered a nod before smashing her fist with Jack's outstretched hand.

"You’re brilliant! Andrea was fuming." He laughed, lifting Kara's spirits with the implication that Andrea was also on his blacklist. "How are your ribs? That must have hurt like a motherfucker."

At the mention of the event, the pain returned with a newfound rigor, but Kara shrugged, said goodbye and meandered to her family, picking up her nephew and adjusting the headphones so they wouldn’t cover half his head. 

The glow of her glee stumbled and fell when, after a quick check-up by the medical staff hired for the night, Kara saw Lena standing up before she sidled up to the backstage, where Andrea had just disappeared minutes earlier.

  
  
  
  


Clubs held a special place in her heart. They were noisy, a kaleidoscope of lousy smells to get used to, flashing lights burning into her retina, flickering for days after a party outing, but Kara felt whole as she walked through the doors, as if they were the secret entrance to a world where responsibilities and inhibitions were left behind.

That particular night, she felt the vibrations of music and joviality rumble on the surface of her second shot, destructive fury poking its head into the bitter liquid that gave her the courage to follow the stupid impulses without the brake of what would someone say lurking from the shadows.

She was happy, and sad, and confused. Mad, too, she was  _ so  _ mad. 

After the game, she was supposed to meet Lena in her assigned pseudo-backstage, but Kara had time to ice the angry red coloring her ribs, take a shower, and leave Loraine with a trophy instead of a chip on her shoulder, and she was nowhere to be found.

She thought she should have been surprised. That Lena would run to Andrea instead of her. But she was so familiar with it that she didn't have the strength to sulk and sink into disappointment because the road to the way out would leave her exhausted.

Suited up and calls ignored, she drove to the club, fully knowing to avoid the VIP booth, because Jack was a dear to drop thousands on the table and invite them, and she wasn't in the mood to face her. 

Lights danced around her, swaying under her expert feet, and sweat ran down her temples, but the blush on her cheeks from whatever was in her glass gave her the boost she needed. Her head gained a life of its own, thrashing to the rhythm of the synthetic beat she recognized as Nia's favorite song of the week. She was a little too far gone for a customer who hadn’t been there an hour ago.

Her bubble was burst by a needle in the shape of her sister, pulling at the delicate silk of her shirt to lead her up the stairs. To Eden she was trying to steer clear of.

"Sto– stop, what are you doing?" Kara fumed, slapping her sister's hand. 

"What are  _ you  _ doing?"

"Partying?

"Duh, you’ve made that obvious twenty minutes ago, and–" she nodded to the giant woman covering the entrance to the booth–"you know I hate it when you start drinking without discussing it first with me.”

"You're not my mom.”

"No, but I'm your sister and you're my responsibility.”

Kara sneered, breathing in her surroundings. "Why do you care to– why– why do you take care of me like I’m a big kid? Is it cuz I'm mentally ill?”

"Look at me," Alex pleaded, taking her face in one hand and turning it toward her serious eyes. "You know that's never been the reason. I love you and that’s why I care. You pull these when you're particularly angry, and I need you to talk it through with me so we can try and fix whatever’s upsetting you before you go and choke on alcohol.”

Summoned by the mention of an old demon, the giant woman from before went out of her way to reveal Lena, rosy cheeks warning her state. 

Kara couldn't admit out loud how good she looked because she was so fucking angry. But she could admire, from afar. 

If there was one combination that could alter the senses, no matter how it was presented, it was Lena and leather. The material fit her perfectly, screaming to be worn by her, as if it was created just for her to use. 

"Eyes up." Alex mocked, snapping her fingers in front of her.

"She's hot, isn't she?"

"I gotta give it to you, she is."

That was all it took for her to go on the hunt, chasing Lena with her eyes glued to the burgundy of her skirt, a thrilled pang to her heart as she realized the shade was the same as the jacket she was wearing no less than twenty minutes ago, but now she had no idea of its location. 

Kara pouted, sigh restricted when her target arrived at her table and sat down next to Jack, who opened his eyes wide before standing up to greet her.

"Well, well, if it isn’t our kryptonian pride," he said, the name feeling faintly warm coming from him, and grabbed her arm to lift it in a champion gesture, apologizing with an innocent laugh after Kara groaned. "Oops, I'm sorry."

"Victory tastes sooo, so much better than pain, don't worry.” She comforted him, and patted him on the stomach before turning to Sam. "It feels like I haven’t seen you in weeks, how are you?” Pretending Lena was someone she didn’t know didn't sit right with her, but she wanted to give her a taste of her own medicine.

It seemed to work, when she saw confusion turn into anger.

"Ruby has me doing a tour of all the parks in the city before we go back to Metropolis. It's a lot more time consuming than I thought.”

"But it's a lucrative endae–endeavor, I've done that tour with my nephew half a dozen times, and I can say the intentions are not entirely selfless.” 

"Next time we're here, you'll have the honor of being her guide.”

"It would be my pleasure." Kara smiled, forearms resting on the back of a stool. "You ladies are lovely, but Jackaniel here owes me a dance so I'm cashing it.” She took him by the arm and pivoted, feeling the cold of Lena's eyes climb up her shoulders with a sense of success. 

"Have you seen Nia? She owes me a  _ chupito _ ," she asked as she passed her sister, who looked her companion up and down before confessing that she had gone in search of her roommate and her date minutes earlier.

The first floor was as euphoric as it was earlier, not having lost its rhythm in the least after Kara left the scene, and she was grateful for that.

Jack somehow materialized a bottle of champagne out of nowhere, and they shared sips, merging with the wave of bodies that flooded the dance floor. 

"Your best friend is a big pain in the ass, y’know?" Kara blurted, bubbles traveling to her head setting her mouth loose.

"Who?" Jack's shadow hovered above her, his heavy frame leaning against Kara's lithe.

"Lena, of course." She turned her back on the girl who had been hanging all over her for the minutes prior. "She's so hot and I– I think I love her, but she thinks she can kiss me and leave me and– this other demon girl, who the hell do they think they are?”

"What?" he shouted over the music, gaping with his delayed effect of understanding. "You two are smooching now!”

_ Oh, oh.  _

Kara shouldn't have said that. But probably no one would remember it in the morning, so she pressed on.

"Yep! She’s dang good at it." 

"I know.”

"Hey!" she complained. "Don't tell her I told you.” 

"Told me what?”

They ended up ordering one more bottle after the second one was wasted on a jet that doused them all in champagne, suits dripping as they thrashed and danced with new-found friends. 

After what seemed like hours of laughing with him, a group of girls beckoned them to the bar to do body shots with them, and the  _ yes  _ slipped so easily that Kara didn't realize what she was going to do until she had a wedge of lemon in one hand and a salt shaker in the other, the shot of tequila on the glass bar and Lena behind her, flaring up when she made Kara turn around with fingers buried in her shoulder.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? And why the hell have you been going around ignoring me all night?" The roar of the bass smothered the angry remark. "Why are you drenched in champagne?"

She looked even hotter when she was angry.

"Now you care? No, nop." She shook her head. "I'm doing shots, would you mind...?"

Before she could walk past Lena, she pushed her into the bar where the shot still awaited for her, wet tongue darting out to lick her lips as Lena snatched the lemon and salt from her hands and kicked her legs apart to step in the space. 

Smearing Kara's pulse point with salt, Lena discarded the shaker and grabbed the glass, whiffing before nodding to herself.

The touch of warm tongue on her neck was a scorching blaze, igniting Kara after the collision, sucking and teeth scraping enough so Kara's half-dead mind could think it would leave a lovely imprint. Nothing compared to the sight of her downing the shot and burying her tongue in Kara’s mouth to take the wedge, hanging from her lips with an acid taste as she cut off the lights of her show. 

"You got it, can we talk now?"

Kara twisted her neck to notice Jack had vanished with the group, and that, now that they were alone and had no familiar eyes on them, it was the only reason why Lena had done it.

"Isn't Andrea around for you to chase? She looks like the perfect distraction."

"I don't want her.”

"Yeah, right. Try to show it at least once, Lena.” Shoulder cold, the second shot the bartender had slipped went down her throat like holy water. 

The way back to the dance floor was boring without Jack and with the bitter taste of having left Lena lurching in her mouth. Her aching ribs also began to take their toll as she tried to make her way through the ocean of unfamiliar faces, past the tide and stumbling to the bathroom door.

The lights were harsh to her eyes, and she had to blink to get rid of the sudden dizziness so she made up the figures bent over the vanity.

"Hey! I was looking for you." Her smile became mischievous as she placed a hand on Nia's shoulder, but the dull expression on her friend's face was a blow to her stomach. "What happened? Are you guys okay?” She sobered up and glanced at the reflection in the mirror, noticing the gash and the bruise blooming on Yvette's cheek. 

"This is my warning to avoid online dating.” She sobbed, eyes puffy with shed tears. 

"Did he do this?" she asked, insisting after getting no response. "Nia..."

"It's okay, Kara."

"Here," she said, pulling out a keychain from her pocket. "Take my car and go to my apartment, you know the password. The neighborhood is safe, but be careful.”

She opened the door with her shoulder, ignoring the calls from both of them as the floor roared, this time with the fury of her steps.

Years had passed since her last fight in a bar, or in any public space. She had grown from her penchant of getting into trouble and answering with fists a few months after she started seeing a therapist. Although, there was the occasional situation where she was knackered and patrons too stupid, igniting the hunger in their knuckles.

Violence wasn’t a friend, she had long ago abandoned it with the promise of improving herself every day, if not for her, for Alex and for Eliza.

But the world was set on fire and her eyes red when she finally found the guy, taking a smoke break in the alley behind the club, his own knuckles throbbing with the shadow of a recriminating bruise. The night seemed to get worse with the dance of the clock, Kara had no patience to resolve this with peaceful words. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" She said, grabbing him from his collar and pushing him into the nearest garbage can.

"What the– who are you?" 

"You think it's funny to go around punching people?"

"Oh, that?" He laughed. "Drag queen had it coming.”

Her fist landed with a sweet crack on the guy's nose, and Kara didn't know if the blood was coming from the broken bone or from the slashed knuckles, but she was living for the thrill of it. "Don't you dare get near them ever again."

She was going to leave it there, a quick dry warning. But the guy hit him back and reached a sore spot on her ribs, 

"Get off me, crazy bitch" he spat, and punched Kara in her jaw, pushing her to the ground so he could stand up. 

She was drunk and now every bone in her body hurt. The guilt washed over her with its sharp rain, and in the midst of a fleeting moment of lucidity, she realized she had made a mistake. She should have stayed with Nia, and tend to Yvette instead of trying to be the superior person by responding to violence with violence.

Her own reflection in the bathroom mirror as she rubbed her throbbing hands made her sick.

"There you are.” Her shoulders sagged with shame at the sound of Lena's voice, hiding from her after hearing her gasp. _ "God, Kara." _

The water jet stopped when it didn't register any more movement, and a paper towel was used to stop the scarlet flow. Hissing as she felt the burn, her lips trembling helplessly, she dropped the paper ball and leaned all her weight on the sink. 

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, baby, look at you.” Lena approached cautiously, each step becoming more confident as she realised Kara was going to go away. "What happened?

"I'm sorry.”

"It’s okay. Where does it hurt?”

_ Well, everywhere. _

The bathroom door burst open, and Alex barged in, Kelly trailing behind her. Her sister took wide strides through the large area, stopping right next to them before asking Lena to step back with a pointed glance. Cradling her face in her hands, she gave Kara a worried look before starting to wipe her face with a wet paper towel.

"I told you to tell me if something was bothering you.” Her tone was not one of disappointment, but rather concern that sent guilt straight to her stomach.

Kara stepped away, bending over the sink before emptying her bowels into it, arching with a foul taste as she watched the water drain what she had drunk the whole night.

She just wanted to go home.

_ "I'm sorry." _

"It's okay," Alex said, rubbing her overheated back. "The babysitter called, but I can drop you off at your house while Kelly–“

"I can take her home," Lena interrupted, and Kara felt more lurching in the pit of her stomach as she remembered she was there. "If you're okay with it.”

Kara nodded, bone-weary and wanting to stop the whirlwind of emotion that was making her head spin. 

Saying goodbye to her sister’s terrified eyes and Kelly's worried smile was an image that accompanied her all the way from the bathroom door to the club door, back to the car door Lena opened for her. 

The cold leather of the seats was grounding, keeping Kara cool and away from the heat of the tiredness beginning to weigh on her eyelids. She didn't want to sleep, she needed to discuss certain things with the woman sitting next to her.

"I don't want to go home.”  _ Not without you.  _

"What was that?"

"Nia and Yvette will be there, and I don't want to face them, yet.” She pleaded, rubbing her eyes with her healthy palm. "Can we go anywhere else?”

It was with that premise that, once again, they winded up huddled in the same hotel room that offered them home on multiple occasions in the days before. But this time she wasn't hungry for a fast pace, she was starving to feel Lena close, the distance was killing her. 

Before she had a chance to let her body weight fall to any surface that would welcome her, she was stopped by Lena with warm hands on her buckle, and perked up with the intentions. 

"I have to get you out of these clothes before you get sick." The fabric of the shirt was removed, Lena taking a deep breath at the angry red patch on her torso. "This wasn't your night, was it?

"Your girlfriend's courtesy," Kara taunted, trembling when cold air made goosebumps rise. "Did you have a good laugh when you followed her into the dressing room? I bet she was  _ static _ when she saw you."

"What are you talking about?"

The remnants of the night left her, and she’s stranded with the worst headache. "Why do you pretend you have no idea what I mean when I talk about Andrea?" She stood up, looking up at the advantage Lena, still dressed, had over her. “It's always,  _ what are you talking about? _ or you ignore me, and I know this is a game to you, but you drive me crazy.”

"It’s not what you think. I was pissed with Andrea for that, I just followed her to give her a piece of my mind."

"Couldn't you have waited? For the first time, I took something from her, and then you’re nowhere to be found.” Once again, Kara was seething. "I know I'm not an heiress, and I'll never be anything more than a little secret you can enjoy behind closed doors from time to time. You said it, in Switzerland, you told me you were just trying to piss off your parents by being with me.”

"Kara–"

"No, Lena!" She shouted, turning her back on her. "The first time hurt, but I understood, because we were just friends and it was only a few days. But now... do you even want this? I can't stop thinking about you leaving again, and it really sucks because you, against all odds, were the first person I opened up to since my parents died, but you still left me for her. I gave you my best, but it wasn’t good enough!"

"Stop yelling at me!"

Then the fire met ice. 

" _ Please _ , don't yell at me."

Her body howled, swirling around to face Lena, both looking eerily pale. "Sorry. I’m sorry. That was not the way to go." She rushed to take her hands in hers and hold them to her chest.

_ It was bad to speak with all of their story but how could life have screwed them up so badly? _

"I understand that tonight was not my best move, but I was angry and you know I don't act right when I am.” She let out a shaky breath. "And as for Switzerland, we were young and I was eager to make my parents proud.. Andrea was that opportunity for me, I'm sorry you got caught up in this."

Kara grabbed her by the chin, desperate to feel her warmth, and dragged her towards her in a frantic kiss. It was wild, and raw when Lena parted the seam of her lips to let her in, mouth tasting of alcohol and lips of the sweet strawberry she was addicted to.

Her hands flew to her tube skirt, pulling down zippers and undoing buttons until she had Lena writhing underneath her, the friction of their half naked bodies as Kara peppered Lena’s with patient caresses bringing back the lightheadedness that had set the pace for the night. 

She wanted this. Kara needed this. 

"Now isn’t the time," Lena said, pushing herself on her elbows to leave a kiss in between Kara’s brows. "I know you want to, but you're hurt and drunk and neither of us is thinking clearly.”

Her bones, dignity and guilt shook in sympathy. 

After Lena tended to her wounds, as much as Kara made it possible, they went to bed, still sticky from the champagne, whether it be from direct contact or just the bits that had stuck with Lena after Kara attached herself to her. 

Forgetting all of the scars, and stepping past the whole being enemies thing for the night, she was elated to sleep wrapped in Lena's embrace. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the thought of kara playing tennis makes me feel things.
> 
> have a lovely weekend you lovely people, hope you enjoyed the update : )


	13. This is somethin' real, this is somethin' right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> italics are chief in this one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for reasons, i upped the rating and added a new tag, so heads up

Coming to a realisation wasn’t the earth shattering kind of situation Kara swore it would be. She only had to take Lena in, dressed in nothing but dark lace underwear and a thin sheet covering the lower notches of her spine. 

She was a painting taken from a specific gallery of the museum of Kara’s deepest longings, serene features framed by the unique crack of dawn light that managed to slip through the curtains while her petite physique followed the compass of the deep breaths that propelled the state of unconsciousness she was in. 

Perched on a chair at the farthest corner from the bed, Kara accepted her fate with dignity. 

_ She loved Lena.  _

Kara had flown off the cliff without any safety net to cushion her fall, and the vestiges of the past were the foundation where she landed once she realized that—once again, in the span of days—she had fallen in love. 

The beast had come out of its hibernation to grab her by the throat and handle her at its will, juggling with her roots to plant the maddening seed in her head. 

It had begun in such peaceful silence that she had let it simmer, because she wasn’t frightened of its size, but that tiny thought gnawing at the deepest layers of her submerged mind wore a hole, soaking the idea until it sprouted the only thing mixed with the gray matter in her brain. 

_ Eat, sleep, think about Lena and repeat. _

Lena found a way to carve her patterns among the pleats of Kara’s wrangled soul, leaving her defenseless and manic for having a taste of what was in store. Prisoner in the dome of a spell before she had time to reevaluate what was happening, but even so, Kara wouldn’t have fled the orbit of that incantation.

All that was left, was to accept the idea with as much diplomacy as she could muster. 

The night before was… exactly the opposite of what she was supposed to do.

She fought tooth and nail to take the hit without making a fuss, silently enduring the fact that the woman she was in love with was okay with driving her crazy with compulsive actions. Nothing went according to plan. The worst part was the lapses of the previous night, when her composure slipped through her fingers, and the fact that she didn't remember anything about it. 

Kara woke up locked up in four walls, next to a half-naked body and Lena's warm skin piercing holes in her body. And she had no time to assess the shock of that specific situation, when the mirror in the bathroom received her with another blow in the shape of bruised muscles, purplish spectres tinting her abdomen and face, scabs of dried blood on her knuckles.

What the hell had she done?

It took Kara almost an hour—sunk in her sorrows and the cold leather of the chair—to connect the dots and get a vague idea of what happened after she left Loraine Park. The moment she built a resemblance of cognition, shame soon set the landscape ablaze. 

She was reckless, and a complete idiot.

If she had kept her hands to herself, none of this would be happening and she wouldn’t be a puddle of regret with every new revelation prickling behind her bloodshot eyes. Each one of them was a stitch to her compunction.

Kara thought of Nia and Yvette, probably waiting for her to come home so they could their disappointed looks on her. Thought of Alex and Kelly, and how worried they were because of her mown stupidity and outbursts. 

Then there was Lena, soothing and calm hiding under the faint hues of dawn, unaware of the conflict pulling Kara to an uncertain fall where nothing warned how deep the end would come. 

She wanted to hide. To stop the amalgamation of imps, to silence the chorus proclaiming her guilty, and hole up next to Lena in the silence of the early morning. 

It didn't take long for the tears of helplessness to keep her company, but a hoarse voice came chasing after them. 

"How are you feeling?" 

“What happened last night?" Kara lifted her head from the nest of her hands, wiping the trail of tears with the knuckle of her index fingers before massaging her temples. Taking a look at the bed, and then at their bodies, she swallowed, hissing as pain shook her jaw. "Did we...?"

"No. Your clothes were a champagne problem, hence the nudity. But no."

"Nia and Yvette, are they–"

"–you sent them to your apartment. They are perfectly safe there." Stretching out her arms, Lena invited her to sit on her lap. "Does it hurt?” Two pairs of eyes traveled to where fingers traced the side of her ribs.

Nodding, Kara hid her face in the hollow of Lena's neck. "Yup, my jaw hurts even more.”

"And how are you feeling?” She asked, dotting Kara’s cheek with kisses as her arms hooked her closer.

_ What the hell was that? _ Kara was sure that's what she was trying to ask.

Out of a molehill, she had made a mountain and allowed it to take over and wreak havoc. But then, there were some days that were not so good. Yesterday was one of those.

"I'm sorry," Kara said, granting access to tender lips attached to the golden column of her neck. "I was so mad about Andrea and– somehow I ended up taking it out on that idiot bastard at the club. There were a thousand ways to deal with this and I just fucked up and flew off the handle.”

"You were trying to defend your friends.”

"I used that as an excuse."

"You rushed and took a wrong turn, but hey– you meant well," Lena pointed out, green eyes wide and worried as she studied her. "What you can do today is apologize and maybe… is something going on?”

The question made her comfortable, and Kara attempted to evade and create a space between them, but Lena's hands set firm on her bare waist didn’t let her part anywhere, a latch that kept the crack closed, and made her stay and talk.

"Next week is my actual birthday, and the anniversary of Dad's death.” Those words felt strange coming out of her mouth, but not like the shards of glass they used to be. 

With Alex and Eliza, Kara didn’t have to talk about the date, they just knew. It had been years, close to a lifetime, since she had last mentioned the  _ Important Dates Blues _ to anyone by own accord. 

There was a before and after that divided her life into a clean slate. And although that was the last thing she wanted to describe her, to deny that those events weren’t the mold a human being was shaped into was ludicrous.

She was always looking out behind her fences, but sharing this side of her life with Lena had never held the weight of a cursed burden for Kara. From the first day, she was willing to crack open the book and read her the story with complete transparency, without keeping any details to herself. It was only the fear of what her family would say that deprived her of having done it before. But removing this layer from their relationship had done wonders for them.

Lena broke away from the embrace, stretching her neck back to connect their eyes and took her hand, leaving chaste kisses on the flesh of her knuckles. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

_ You're already doing everything. _ "Stay close." 

"I don't think I can get too far," Lena whispered, buzzing on her lips before she captured them.

It was impossible to welcome her with an earthshaking smile, and Kara had to give it up in order to let her sweet taste work its way into a deeper attack, consuming and overwhelming with tongue steering in the seams and teeth scraping over already swelling lips. 

  
  


There was something about kissing the woman she was in love with, this kind of resurrection from a deep slumber, that bathed Kara in a peace she had been searching for years among the dust under her rugs, but always evaporated from view when she was close to finding it. 

Her eyes fluttered open to see Lena smiling down at her, and Kara thought perhaps Lena was not so far from reaching her in this race.

"You're still sticky."

She scoffed, amused. "I think Jack is to blame.”

"You guys seem to have hit it off pretty good.”

"He knows how to party, and I don't run from that.” 

"I noticed," she grumbled, nosing at Kara's hairline to hide the sudden wave of tension. "You know what’s hilarious? He has a penchant for body shots with strangers and, by deed and grace, led you to his practices." 

“What?" Her laughter was as she noticed the furrowed eyebrows defining what Lena felt. "Well, if that was scripted to be my destiny.”

"Ha, ha. I had to take one for the team and step in." 

_ "What?" _

The frown loosened and a suspicious, unbelieving, quirked eyebrow arose from the death. "If you don't remember my lips licking salt off your neck, there must be something awfully wrong about my body shot game."

A screw in the wires of her brain turned and unlocked thousands of memories that, together, produced a picture running through her mind at high speeds, spinning so fast that it left her dizzy and eager to know more. 

It was like throwing a match into a pool overflowing with fuel. It ignited her senses in a flame that took seconds to engulf her, caught up in a fog of smoke that stole the air from her wheezing lungs. 

"It was you?!" she shrieked, mouth watering with the expectation.

"Do you have a list of candidates?"

“No." She attested, shivering. “Add body shots to the list of things we  _ have  _ to do."

"Is this list long?" 

"That depends, wanna add anything?"

"I have one or two things in mind,” Lena suggested, and Kara kissed the mischievous smile off her face, pushing her shoulders until her back lay flat on the mattress surface, and grabbed milky legs to wrap around her waist, disarming her act of bravery. "You are so beautiful," she added, dodging her gaze as a blush began to spread on her chest. 

Kara could barely take her eyes off her. 

Ignoring the throbbing pain in her ribs, she tried to soothe her jaw with relatively slow kisses—compared to the frantic ones she was used to exchanging with Lena—but her pain threshold wasn’t having any of it. 

She grunted and held her weight on her forearms to sit back again, happily perched on wide hips, taking comfort on the bent legs that presented support behind her back, breathing heavily from the exertion.

"It hurts like a bitch."

"Come here." The distracting curve of Lena’s breasts rubbing against hers was distracting as she kneeled beside Kara and guided her down until she replaced her place. 

Kara would have refuted the order, but the searing heat coiling in her lower body, and the pain radiating from places a little higher were important factors that led her to obey. Her back sighed in appreciation for the kinder plane to her aching bones and she let out a deep exhale, the air that escaped from her was hot as she tried to take her eyes off Lena's body to regulate her temperature before reaching her boiling point. 

The blotch of crimson that yesterday covered a large portion of her torso had now turned into a mix of green and blue shadows that robbed her body of its usual perfection, and Kara didn't know if the physical reminder or the situation that caused it in the first place hurt more.

"You should let a doctor check that out for you."

"Done. She said it was just a nasty bruise, no big deal.”

"What about your face?

" _ You _ said it was pretty, so I don't think I should worry.”

"Kara..."

Taking Lena's hand, she dropped a kiss to the inside of her wrist before placing it on her abdomen, letting her continue her journey on her own. "I'm fine."

The sun spilled over every corner, reaching its maximum luminescence after Lena activated the blind and let the sun rays flood where darkness had previously prevailed.

She was sitting next to Kara, leaning on the heel of her palm and forward to be enveloped in the heat emanating from her pores, and to be able to caress the golden skin provided by the proximity.

"About what you said yesterday–"

Kara opened one eye. "Did I make a fool of myself?

"No. When we talked about Andrea... did you really think you weren't enough?" she wondered, dragging her fingers across the ridges of her upper abdominals, and insisted when silence was the only answer. "Kara, I liked you so much. That was obvious."

"And I'm supposed to believe it? As if it wasn't you who left with someone else," she sneered, sucking on her teeth. "I knew that what we had was nothing too important, and you weren't forced to stay. It was me who caught feelings, but a warning would have come in handy. You leaving because your new girlfriend– who came out of nowhere, may I add, wanted to take you on a romantic getaway wasn't the move you think it was, and I found out through a drunk friend, no less. How did you think I was going to feel?"

"You had feelings for me?" Kara paired her with a look of disbelief. "Yes, right, I'm sorry. I meant what I said yesterday. You knew me, and you knew I was doing my best to be the perfect daughter to a perfect family. Andrea... I don't regret dating her, but I do regret the way I left things with you. I'm trying to make it up to you, and I swear I don't feel anything for her.”

"Then why do you insist on keeping this a secret?" Kara spat, becoming defensive.

The thought didn't tickle her before, but it had been eating away at her inner zen since Andrea interrupted them in the office a couple of weeks ago. 

It wasn’t necessarily that it hurt her to think that Lena was hiding what they had out of fear for ignominy, or because she was simply waiting for the moment to leave her behind again. It was her darkest moments when insecurity cornered her and made her plot scenarios that had the same outcome as the last perfomance: Andrea taking what she wanted most, and Kara being left alone with her hands and heart empty. 

When doubts driven by the reminder of death lurking more than ever at that stage of the year, Kara couldn't help but think that it was what was about to happen. 

She didn't need to put labels on anything, she was fine with the course their relationship had taken. But circumstances had changed and she was afraid that if she didn't designate a title, it would slip away and Lena would run away to another place, with no tag or any indication for someone to return if lost in the middle of nowhere.

Kara did need to set her foot down and put a stop to it to clear up all her doubts, needed Lena to assure her that she wasn’t going anywhere and that this was also real, right for her. 

Then, if she had a convincing answer, maybe they would have a future. 

"I told you I needed to figure certain things out before doing so.” Lena bit her nail, overwhelmed by the direction the conversation had taken. But Kara thought she had to have known that this was the only free railway to get somewhere and not just keep walking around, meandering in circles.

"Did something happen recently to slow you down?”

"I'm still your boss, and I know times have changed, but with the name and reputation that precedes me I can't afford to slip." She sighed after Kara intertwined their hands. "Everyone knows me because I'm a Luthor, and apart from that, I'm a woman trying to make her way in the industry. This small act of unprofessionalism would take me back to square one.” 

Kara tried to keep the sting off her words, blinking hard. "I know what L-Corp and your legacy means to you, I would never ask you to put them at risk for me," Kara reassured with slow but concise words. "But you didn't even mean to tell your close friends.”

"I’ll tell them if you want to." 

"I don't– no,  _ ugh _ . I don’t want you to do something just because I'm asking you to. Secrets have always been our undoing and you insist on keeping them.”

"A month ago you were fine with not telling anyone.”

"A month ago she wasn't here.”

"Is that why you're so worried? 

"I don't have anything that assures me you're not going to go back to her. I accepted it once, but I won't take it twice.”

A trail of kisses from the protruding bone of her hips, through the rigid planes of her abdomen, to the valley of her chest and the sharp edges of her clavicles marked a large portion of her body as a silent answer. 

When her eyes raised from their hiding spot, the black was consuming and the thin ring of green was honest.

"The only thing I can tell you is that there is no need to worry. I’m here with you, and she is in my past. We keep an amenable acquaintance for the sake of public relations, nothing else.”

If only her brain could believe it.

"I want to be with you, I always have. This time I won't let third parties convince me of anything else," she continued, sensing the insecurity trickling from Kara's pores. "And if there's something that's bothering you, I need you to talk to me about it before you make any other kind of decision, okay?”

Kara nodded, forcing herself to believe her words and accept the seal of the promise that came in the form of Lena chasing after her lips before leaving them with a kiss that healed much of her past grief.

"Now, go back to bed, you haven't slept at all," Lena added at last, slipping her thumb between pale, crinkled eyebrows. "I'll wake you up in a couple of hours.”

  
  
  
  


The premise of a couple of hours ended up turning into the middle of the day as she took her time taking a shower, and making out with Lena to say goodbye. It wasn't until Sunday afternoon that Kara crossed the threshold of her apartment door, exhausted and in pain, to almost crash with her sister's fury. 

"Where the hell were you?" Alex growled.

Kara walked past her, stopping at the granite table in the kitchen to lean her body against it, and quickly turned around as she spotted her other two guests through a crack in the door, deciding to deal with them after facing Alex.

If there was something she would put a bet on, it was going to be her sister being furious because Kara promised to go home after the club, then she never showed up until now. But it's not like she could divulge her whereabouts without raising more questions she didn't want to answer yet, so a white lie would have to solve the mystery for the next few minutes.

"I was at the doc's office, what's gotten into you?" She paired her sister's tone with an equally strong response, not holding back from the scolding.

"I've been calling you non-stop for hours," she said, shaking the device in her hands as proof. "Where the hell were you all night?"

"I told you I was at the doctor's."

"Bullshit. Mom's insurance is decent enough, it wouldn’t take them almost twelve hours to treat you.”

Kara rolled her eyes, but let her guard down and all the tension drain down the sink along with the scarlet water as she cleaned her knuckles. "I stayed in a hotel.”

"With whom?”

"Alone, Alex. Who could it be?"

"Well, Luthor said that–”

"Rao, no," she exclaimed, widening her eyes to emphasize her fake surprise. "You know I have nothing to do with her.”

It wasn't a complete lie. Just like… ninety-nine percent of it. 

"Then yesterday..."

"I guess she still feels guilty about what happened. But no, I stayed in a room, all by myself." 

"Maybe if you had answered your phone."

Patting the wrinkled pockets of her trousers, Kara grunted as she remembered that the phone was in her jacket, the one she had lost last night. "Maybe if I still had it with me." 

"You are one of the messiest drunks I know." Alex shook her head, and wrapped one arm around her shoulders, using her height as leverage to leave a kiss on her temple. "How are you?”

Being in her sister's arms had the same effect as any amount of painkillers she could take, and she let her self-defense barrier come down to let Alex in, to let her rummage through the source of what was stirring in her mind at the time.

"September sucks," she whined, foregoing the embellishment of her words. "Being angry and drunk is not a great combination.”

"Will you let me know if you don't feel well?”

"Will do.”

After hanging in there and getting through her sister's interrogation, Kara went looking for her guests, dragging her feet on the tiles of the apartment with the weight of the impending confrontation. 

A couple of minutes were her saving grace before she reached her present fear, for they were nowhere to be found. The living room was empty, the screen projecting old reruns of some show to the void. So was the bathroom and her bedroom, but after going through most of the expanse of the loft, about to give up and ask Alex for directions, Kara heard noise coming from her office, and realized that the door was ajar. 

Looking through the space offered by the crack of the door, she took a deep breath and pushed the wooden barrier with her fingers, leaving it open behind her as a method of defense. Yvette was sitting in the chair behind the desk, studying the Pulitzer that stole the spotlight from the rest of the room after Eliza left it there. Next to the library, Nia brushed the spine of the books, eager eyes gliding over titles and diplomas framed there. 

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Kara asked, fiddling with the doorknob.

"We wanted to give you and Alex some privacy.” She heard Nia mumble. 

"How are you? Did you settle fine last night?" 

“How are we?" Yvette laughed, incredulously, the premature scab on her cheek shifting to the rhythm of the smile that began to grow on her face. "How are you, Jill Munroe wannabe?”

Kara took a seat in the reading chair, stretching her legs. "I'm fine, just a little beat up. You should have seen the other guy." 

"You shouldn't have done that," Nia intervened, countenance serious as she glared at her. She looked much more disturbed than her friend, and Kara regretted it a little more.

"I know. And I'm really sorry." Head hanging low, Kara pleaded, addressing both of them. 

There was nothing Kara wouldn't do to defend her friends, that's true, but she would never justify choosing violence before considering what other options she had in her pocket. And, while her anger, born from the events of the night, burned at the sight of the two of them at that vanity in the bathroom, she should have found a better way to be there for them.

"Girl, you were another breed of idiot," Yvette said, without preamble, making Kara laugh. "Violence against violence is not who you are, it is not who we should be, but I appreciate that you are willing to protect me." 

The little devil hanging on her shoulder as a reminder of the selfishness of her heroic act grunted, and her stomach dropped as she listened to the flattery a lie bore.

"I was drunk, and not feeling well at all, but that's no excuse." She wished she could convey the depth of her apologies, completely honest, without saying  _ sorry  _ and  _ stupid  _ again. But it was impossible. "I'm sorry that I made this about me. How are you?" she asked, gesturing to Yvette's face, in the direction where a bruise was beginning to show, a twin to the ghost in her own face.

"A little shocked, but I'll get over it.” Her rueful smiles and swollen eyes told another story. “I'm afraid this is not the first, and won’t be the last time something like this happens.”

And that was the worst part of it. 

Kara knew she was nowhere close to understanding, but it sucked that they had to endure attacks like that. It sucked that she couldn't do anything to stop them, to at least ease the pain of her friends. But being there for them was the best, and wisest, option she had at the time.

"If you–" she turned to Nia, then–"or you. If either of you need something, I’m here to do anything you might need me to. You know where to find me."

It was the least she could do. That was what Lena had advised her to do.

  
  


Hours later, buried beneath the heat dome of her bed sheets after soaking in the bathtub and rubbing the remains of the previous night off her body, the guilt finally boiled down to an annoying drumbeat in the back of her mind.

After twenty minutes of tossing and watching the sheet fall to the floor for the third time, propelled by her restless legs, Kara went in search of the iPad hidden in the briefcase she had thrown on the couch the afternoon before, without worrying about its condition amidst the rush to leave early, and took the device back to her room, along with a glass of water and a bit of a hurry to jump back into the comfort of her bed.

In the middle of an incomplete debate, guided by the light of the device, her fingers slid across the screen until they landed on Lena's contact, and her exhausted eyes appreciated the sudden lack of brightness as the screen darkened, signaling the outcome of her hasty decision.

“I remember telling you to go to bed early." Her voice began to sound distant, but grew louder through the speaker and the sound of it had never beaten harder on her chest before.

"Technically, I'm in bed.”

"Correction. I remember explicitly telling you to sleep early, and get as much rest as you can."

"I wanted to hear your voice," she said, sinking her head into the pillow to hide—if only from herself—the wild smile that spoiled her calm features.

"You are a terrible charmer." 

"I thrive to be the best in the field." The sound of rustling came from the other side of the call, and her ears perked up, trying to decipher the origin of it. "What are you doing?"

More rustling, and then it was overshadowed by a loud sigh. "Building gadgets is fun and games until you get to the part where you have to sell them."

"Ah," she mumbled, trying to take the disappointment out of her tone. "Am I interrupting?”

"Not at all. You turn out not to be the distraction I swore you'd be.”

"So, if I suggested that I might be an excellent non-distraction while you work in my apartment, you'd say that…”

"Kara."

"Pretty please. My boss gave me the day off tomorrow, and I really miss you.” She was sinking into dangerous waters, but Kara was still half stunned from the day, and sleeping next to Lena two nights in a row sounded like a great idea. 

  
  


"You need to rest," Lena insisted, but it was so low and unconvincing that she knew one more blow would be enough to break the shell.

"I promise to be a good girl.” Persuasion was paramount, so she summoned the throatiest voice her vocal cords could conjure up, and she was going to add an innocent flutter of her lashes eyebrows but it would be futile not having anyone to see it.

"You may not be a distraction, but you are the worst influence on the whole planet."

“And yet you lo–" _ I have no idea if she loves me.  _ "You'd still come if I asked nicely.”

After half an hour of a documentary she couldn't give a summary of if asked, Kara heard her door opening and closing, and by the time keys hit the china, she was practically wriggling in her bed, waiting for a familiar figure to walk through her bedroom door. 

The moment took longer than expected, and she collapsed back into bed. Until the crack of light that slipped under her door disappeared, and slow steps were the only thing her senses could grasp for long seconds.

"Why do you have the habit of leaving so many lights on?" Lena finally appeared, kicking the door shut, unable to do so with her hands full of paper bags and a briefcase quite similar to the one she had on her living room.

"I can't sleep if the hallway light is off," she stated, deadpanning at her. 

Placing her things at the foot of the bed, Lena turned to her, fists hidden under the sleeves of a sweater that was too big and too thick for the last days of a balmy summer. 

"Hello."

"Hi." Sitting cross-legged, Kara nodded in Lena's direction, letting the smile that had been trying to creep into her face for minutes bloom. "How are you?"

"Excellent. How are you?" Her lips twitched.

"Fine, thanks.”

"I stopped for potstickers on the way," Lena said, squealing as, in a typical move, Kara pulled her from the waist down on top of her, horizontal against the soft fabric of her sweatshirt.

_ I love her. _

"Suddenly, my night is going a thousand times better than it was an hour ago.”

Lena's lips were also soft to the touch, and she breathed in a shaky breath before diving into a dreamy kingdom, tasting of toothpaste and the iced tea leaving drops of condensation left on the night table. 

She surrendered power to the woman of her dreams, and let herself be taken on the road the tongue invading her decided to guide her. Kara was benign, docile in the hands that cradled her neck and drew her closer to the core of her aching desire. 

"You eat and then sleep," Lena commanded, patting her cheek before dragging her thumb across Kara’s bottom lip. "This speech will not write itself.”

"How is that going?"

"Words are so easy when it comes to explaining the science behind it, but it's almost impossible when it comes to giving civilized thanks."

She had settled down by leaning back against the padded headrest, the computer placed on top of her bent legs as she pressed keys mercilessly, her feet merging with the comforter as she pulled away from Kara, who had been struggling to remove a sock for the previous few minutes, the temptation reeling with so many layers in front of her.

"If you need help, let me know."

"Thanks, babe," she thanked, wiggling her sock-clad feet once more after Kara's toes started brushing her ankle.

As adorable as she looked packed into her monochromatic attire, Kara was suffering for the sake of her pores under the scorching fabric she favored that night, not giving second thoughts about the thermostat bathing them in a warm aura.

"Aren't you hot?"

"I don't know whether to believe in the altruism of your question, or if you just want me to relieve myself from my clothes."

Kara had the grace to blush at the accusation, but she took the hit with a hand grenade in her arsenal.

Two could play this game.

"If I wanted to get you naked, I would just have to ask."

"And you are positive that I would?"

"Positive." She nodded, moving to avoid the remote control that landed on her arm. "Look me in the eye and tell me it's not true.”

"Your ego is way too big for such a small head," she said, patting the space in the bed next to her. "Now, it's time to sleep. I have to get up early, and you need to rest. Wait, did you do what I told you to do?”

  
  


Kara looked up to find accusing emerald. 

She had no idea what she was talking about.

"Of course."

"Which was..."

Busted. That's what she gets for lying. 

Kara wrapped her arm around Lena's waist, clinging to her side and burying her face in the soft skin of her stomach to avoid her gaze. But then she heard her sigh after getting no response, and her grounding pole rose to her feet.

"Do you have Arnicare or something like that?," Lena asked, taking steps back towards the bathroom.

"I think I have some Vitamin K in the cabinet.”

Watching her disappear behind the door, she sighed and placed her chin in her crossed hands, lying on her stomach. The flashing lights of the computer caught her attention, and she was illuminated with an idea that, at the time, was extraordinarily bright. It would only take her the next morning to regret.

The lightweight computer felt like a rock when she took it, and the keys were made of magma as her fingers brushed against them in fear, and overflowing ecstasy.

_ I love you. _

Hidden among the strings of scientific jargon and cordial thanks, the eight characters had never stood out more. 

The machine leaned dangerously to the edge of the bed when she threw it without caution after hearing Lena come out of the bathroom, and bit her lip to quell the groan of pain as she crushed her ribs against the mattress in the rush of settling back in.

"Turn around." Warming the ointment in her hands, Lena ordered, and helped her in the task.

Long fingers with the fierce power of lightning rods raised a wave of gooseflesh on her stomach, the digits piercing the atlas on her side that now stretched to a crater in most part of the sunkissed, pounding canvas in response to Lena's careful encouragement. 

"It stings a bit but don’t you frown, we will make it better." A quiet, rhythmic sing-song babble reached her ears, and the grimace of discomfort morphed into one of adoration as she noticed Lena's lips mouthing the words. "We check it in a little while, little while, little while."

“Whatcha singing?" she interrupted, giggling as Lena startled and peered at her, innocent and taken by surprise.

"I used to fix boo boos all the time when Ruby was younger," Lena confessed with a shy smile, and kissed the dips of her abdomen before finishing. "Hugs and kisses make us smile, and make your boo boo better.” 

_ I love her  _ so  _ much.  _

After her wounds were tended to with a magical chant, they rearranged their positions on top of the bed, with the small variation of a hand sneaking through the light honey mane that cascaded down Kara’s back, and her own hand making a nest under Lena’s sweater. 

Kara clenched her eyes shut, and then her breathing came to a halt when Lena put the computer back on her legs, completely stopping when the fingers on her scalp did for a second, but a new glimpse of life filled her lungs after Lena bowed down and brushed her lips on her forehead, never ceasing he ministrations, not even at the written confession.

  
  
  
  


Missing a day of work, for her, could have been compared to missing the signs stuck on the road leading to hell. There was, more or less, an average of five daily engagements she had to meet in a working day to avoid falling behind and accumulating tasks in her already hectic schedule, but it was a small sacrifice taken to mitigate some of her friends' worries, and her boss' despotic attention.

The worst case scenario, there was no way she could avoid. It came to visit on Wednesday, her assistant interrupting an impromptu meeting with Lena to let her know that someone was waiting for her in the lobby.

"Have a name?"

Madeline shook her head. "No, Ms. Danvers. They put the call through from downstairs.”

"Okay. Thank you, love." Glancing at Lena, enraptured with old copies Kara kept on her desk, she pushed back on the wheels of her chair and walked out the door with the stealth of an alert spy.

Given the hour, the lobby was rather empty, and it wasn’t hard for her to spot a head wearing a distinctive cap, her muscles tense as she watched her source sit in one of the chairs in the reception room. A few more steps were enough to get his attention, and Kara seized her head in the direction of the door, beckoning him to follow her. 

The morning breeze was a temporary relief to her overheated body and the soles of her shoes squeaked as she braked in an alley where no patrons could eavesdrop.

"You should have warned me you were coming."

"I've been trying to reach you, but it’s not exactly like we have each other’s phone. Great fucking news, Lex Luthor is behind two of the accounts generating payments to Amertek.” The voice behind her spat, and an eerie shiver ran down her spine. "Don't know yet what he’s using them for, but you know the Luthor roach, must be something big if he’s willing to risk it with the amount of money they’re moving between cities.”

She froze, shards of glass running over her vessels, cutting with their sharp threads to bring her back. “Lex’s in prison, how– how is he doing that?" she asked, more out of a need for confirmation than elucidation. 

"Power, and lots of blackmailing. It's not surprising he found a way," he admitted, adjusting the cap over his eyes after surveying around. "I'm pretty close to finding out what's going on, but I needed to come here and warn you.”

Of course. Such a clever act had a Luthor mastermind written all over it.

Kara should’ve known better. 

"If it's Amertek he’s working with, there's no doubt it’s for the manufacture of weapons," Kara said, pinching the flesh of her lips. "But for whom?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out. This is a whole corrupt system we're trying to expose, when we find out what this is about–"

"–you have to be careful." The guilt of having brought someone else into this charade was weighing down on her, but he accepted, eager to help the first night Kara approached him at the pub. 

"You too. I get rid of my tracks, but you never know.” 

"How long do you think it will take you to find something new?"

"Give me a week or two, that's probably enough.”

"Meet me at Harbour Mill next Thursday before midnight," Kara commanded, before retrieving her new phone out of her pocket. "I should be free by then. Just... don't get caught."

Returning to her office, knowing that Lena would still be there waiting, was one of the most difficult tasks of that week. Of that year, sprinkling a little drama.

Her hands were cold where she had clung to the lift railings when her knees failed her, and she knew Lena would scrutinize her translucent skin the moment she stepped under the sunlight that streamed through the window pane. 

She had no idea how to look Lena in the eye and not convey the endless fears that numbed her limbs. The thought of having to reveal the news that her criminal brother was once again being irretrievably himself made bile rise up to her throat.

Taking the edge of her tie before taking a seat again, Kara avoided the inquisitive gaze for as long as possible, until the pressure drumming in her ears from the heavy silence was impossible to ignore.

"Saw a ghost?" Lena joked, chuckling around her thumbnail.

_ You have no idea. _

"Some people don't understand the purpose of making appointments.” 

"Good thing I can’t have your time when I want to.” She smiled, wild and bright. “That's my cue to leave. I promised Sam I'd take them to the airport.”

"They’re leaving already?"

"Yeah, Ruby's already missed two days of school." Resting one hand on the desk that separated them to propel herself forward, she grabbed the patterned fabric hanging from Kara's neck in her free hand, and pulled it to crash their lips together. "You better be at the conference on Saturday."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," she swore, quenching the sting of her smile on cold lips.

  
  
  
  


It took four more afternoons to see Lena again, and the lack of her for almost a hundred hours had caused a deficit in her body, as if she needed Vitamin L to inject energy into her system. 

The blaze of the afternoon sun shone down on the field outside L-Corp’s building, severe and with the joy of a small child as it noticed the amount of prey given in offering. The lawn overflowed with a crowd of people anxiously waiting for the one and only main act to appear behind the podium with her charming smile and the lilt of her accent framing words that Kara was sure would be captivating. 

When the whispers grew loud and she saw her, the familiar magnetism tested them, and Kara raised a thumb in her direction as the corners of her mouth rose with the lightness of a balloon.

She was lucky to have gotten all the information days before about the specific way Lena was destined to change the world, because she couldn’t try and concentrate on anything but Lena's hands fiddling with the ring on her little finger, and the way her eyes always seemed to find Kara's before she answered a question, the words that sounded like an unintelligible echo in the back of her mind coming together to form sentences that threatened to make her heart explode with pride. 

"Tell me it wasn't a complete disaster," Lena pleaded, holding onto her shoulders to look behind them, trying to get a glimpse of what was happening behind the billboard she fled to seconds after the guards warned her it was time to finish, hidden from the rest of the world. 

Kara placed a hand on her hip, the other cradling her elbow before she bent over to put her lips on Lena’s forehead. "Even if you had stumbled on the way up, it would have left everyone speechless. I am so proud of you."

"You're just saying that because it's you."

"That should mean even more coming from someone who, actually, knows you.” She lifted an eyebrow, straining to get a better look. "Lena Luthor, once again, confirms that she is Earth’s savior. Sounds good for a headline, doesn't it?"

Lena panted and her hands flew to the collar of Kara’s shirt, stuck on the charm hanging around her neck. Kara appreciated the moment Lena’s heart dwindled and was reduced to a helpless, anxious dance.

"Thank you for being here."

"There’s nowhere I would rather be.” Kara had to tone down her honesty if she didn't want to scare her off, but forcing herself not to show what she felt had been an enemy for much of her life.

"Was it okay?”

"You were great, my love.”  _ Shit, that's not what I was supposed to do. _ "Your legs looked delicious up there.”  _ Yeah, that’s more like me. _

Lena's laugh echoed into the hollow of her pulse, where her mouth was attached. She stepped back and used Kara’s lapels to lean herself upward and leave a short-lived yet electrifying peck on Kara's smiling face.

"I really love the way blue looks on you.”

"I dress to impress."

"But I really hate it when you get cocky.”

"How am I not supposed to let it go to my head that Lena Luthor, no less, tells me that the color of royalty looks good on me?”

A splayed hand on her face tried to push her back, but Kara grabbed it, shaking her head, and brushed her lips against knuckles still facing the tremors from before, tending to each bump with reverence while her blue eyes melted marks on the green iris she would kneel for.

As an uncoordinated deja vu, she saw Jess approach them cautiously, but Kara was in no mood to part from Lena, and was surprised by the fact that she wasn’t either. The knowing smile on the woman's face was enough to reactivate the fluttering violence.

"Ms. Luthor, you're scheduled for a couple of interviews and then you're free to go," Jess warned, staring at the asphalt.

"I'll be there in a minute," she said, "will you wait for me?”

"I have to do something first, but I'll see you later at your apartment.” 

Lena squeezed her hand. "Later, then.”

Finding her car, she backed out of the parking lot and onto Charles Street, lucky the road was rather clear and only had to stop at a light, between a black Rover with tinted windows and a Bentley with a Chow chow greeting her with its blue tongue as its owner demonstrated the reach of the engine. 

Her favorite flower shop was closed due repairs, but she didn't let that dampen her enthusiasm, and the cruel asphalt of National City wore down the tires of her Audi until she finally got the bouquet of plumerias and the only box of nut free Swiss chocolates she found in return for her fervor. 

After a small eternity driving around the city, she set off for Schaffenberger Way, and the tower that housed her damsel had never looked more threatening than that night. It was only when Kara walked through the lobby, ignoring the curious glances, and took the private elevator that she noticed the shivers running through her body. 

The hallway leading to the penthouse was catastrophic, a whirlwind in a sea of fear. The bronze of the sculptures seemed to morph to reveal frightening figures, and the oil of the hanging paintings seemed to drip like tears from a picture trying to escape its station.

The glass door slid open, and the shriek of surprise was enough to melt away her concern.

"Congratulations, you," Kara said, passing by surprised eyes and pivoted to catch her letting go of the door, tongue caught between rows of straight teeth. "Changing the world must be an exhausting task."

"What are you doing?" she asked, mouth agape. 

Kara left the bouquet on the sink and turned back to her. "You don’t like it?"

Lena blinked and pressed her lips close in a straight line, shaking her head. "No one– you… thank you."

"You deserve this.” She sighed against her jaw, drawing a path to her ear, nibbling on her earlobe with expert precision. 

"You think so?"

Kara didn't care how many times she had to do it, she would be her walking reminder. She loved her for all of her flaws, insecurities and imperfections. "Seeing you up there on stage, you don't know how proud I am of you. Teleportation is not an easy area to conquer, until it fought you, of course.”

"Keep talking, please," she gasped as Kara sat her down at the kitchen counter, heels slipping off her feet when she hooked her legs around her waist, curving her neck to give greater access.

Kara was boiling, pulsing between her legs. An eons-old fire roared inside her, and she had to cling to the edge of the marble table to relieve some of the tension. 

Breathing hard, she broke the chain that bound them and carried Lena again, only leaving her precious cargo on the floor after finding her room, directed by her hoarse voice. 

The only door she had crossed in that apartment was the reading room, and Lena’s bedroom met her expectations, but at the same time it was the polar opposite of the image she had set in her mind. 

A pair of anxious hands slid down her chest, and the edges of the room became blurry as she focused on Lena, swallowing and placated as black took the place of the green she had grown to love. The fabric tightened across her, and nodding, half the row of buttons was undone in the blink of an eye, the garment slipped off her shoulders before she could blink a second time.

The zipper on Lena's dress was a different subject. It was melted iron on her fingers, and the blows of her panting were the only breeze that counteracted the searing heat. The dress was almost ripped open, before it actually did and her hands flew to the taut skin on her back, kissing the patch of bare skin on Lena’s shoulders. 

“Are you sure?" 

"Yeah, I need you," Kara confessed.

From there, the pace was killing slow.

Twitching on top of her new found world, she fit into the hollow of her legs, the perfect place so that friction would steal moans every time Lena grinded down in lieu of the mouth biting the thin skin of her clavicle, or sucking particularly rough on her pink nipples. 

She was too beautiful, and Kara had never felt such an enthralling force as the one that forced her to go on with her caresses.

Going from her pulse point to her chest, dragging her tongue in the valley of breasts that arched into her face when she pressed a hand on Lena's waist, Kara smeared her muse with purple kisses. 

Stopping in the cave below Lena’s heaving rib cage, she let her thumb descend into the bone of her pelvis, close to the liquid heat that gushed out from where long legs parted. 

_ "Please." _

With the plea, Kara let her hand fall to its final destination and the choked, high-pitched moan that ricocheted off the silence of the room was a heavenly reward. 

Her fingers were swallowed by the pressure of Lena’s soaked folds, bright as they throbbed on the finger that Kara slipped in to chart the space, adding speed and force after hearing the squirming woman's response underneath her. 

"Anoth– use two," she begged, grunting and mouthing at Kara’s jaw as another digit slipped between her legs.

Kara used the advantage of her forearms to catch Lena’s mouth, sucking on her lips as hands hooked on the nape of her neck drew them closer, pushing with her hips to tear Lena’s wide apart to fit her large hand without interruption. The ministrations of her tongue going into her mouth, and her thumb drawing tight circles on her pink clit were enough to bring Lena to the edge, eyes tight as she continued to flow on reverent fingers. 

She soon followed, the tension bursting stark white pleasure due to the friction of her own knuckles with each twist of her body.

Exhausted and body complaining where it used to exude the stamina of a small army of college athletes, she had to drop down to the bottom of the mattress, but was able to pull two more orgasms from Lena's enthusiastic vocal chords, hands tied to the back of her head and legs hanging from her shoulders, wearing her like a necklace while her mouth worked wonders on sensitive lips.

It was probably the best thing Kara had ever tasted, right after her lips, and she never wanted to leave. 

But everything came to an end.

"Stop. I can’t– god." Lena breathed, and Kara almost snapped her neck in her eagerness to look at her, still lapping the juices that kept dribbling down after every pulse. "Great job but I think I'm going to explode if you don't stop.” 

Fitting Lena in the curve of her body, head resting on her chest, Kara regained the moisture in her mouth, and managed to hiss in between bursts of breath. "That was good.”

"If I had known this was what you had in repertoire, I would have jumped your bones the first time I saw you.”

"You should have taken the opportunity.”

"I wanted to, but you wouldn’t go past fondling my breasts.”

Kara squealed, indignant. "Well if you had been a little more vocal about what you wanted.” She turned her neck to find a wide, contagious smile. 

"I think I can be quite vocal when I set my mind to it.” Swinging one leg over her lap, Lena stole a muffled groan as she carefully circled her waist with her legs, rubbing against her.

Kara had an excellent grasp of basic arithmetic, but sleeping with Lena three nights in less than ten days—when two of those times she slept feeling her naked skin–was a pretty fucking positive balance for her.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry for the delay in the deliver of this chapter but many things happened in the last weeks.
> 
> as always, i hope you enjoy lena and kara trying their hand at communication <3

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to this little note, thank you so much for reading and spending your time with me! Feel free to leave kudos and comment if you’re up to, or come to my [twitter](https://twitter.com/luthorhood) to say hi. Hope you're having an amazing day whenever you read this!♡


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